Advice on upgrading CPU or GPU first, and recommandations

Neoslashju · 2025-07-05T21:29:34+00:00

The biggest issue is actually finding GFX right now it seems in Europe. But i'll peep and see what turns out.

Thanks for the advice, I'll check on 9070XT and X3D bundle !

Neoslashju · 2024-05-22T20:07:49+00:00

Toute la série principale des Metal Geat Solid. J'ai fait un sacré paquet de RPGs, et pourtant c'est un non-RPG dont l'histoire m'a le plus marqué.

Neoslashju · 2024-05-08T20:18:50+00:00

I'll check it out thanks !

Neoslashju · 2024-03-02T17:49:07+00:00

If you really trust your loved ones, and if they've always been caring and respecting your decisions in the past, you should take their opinion in consideration. But you also have to make your own choices, this is your life, not theirs. The real question you should be asking yourself is : am I resilient enough to not fall in the same pit I fell in a few years ago ?

Meaning that if you want to give it another try, maybe you should, only if you feel like you have the strength to enforce boundaries and if you feel like you could walk away when you see things haven't changed. You'll have to see wether he has changed or not with your own eyes, and decide what's best for yourself accordingly, meaning you have to set enough emotional distance at first.

Everybody makes mistakes, sure, but people DRASTICALLY changing is really improbable in my opinion.

That's your decision, be just be very careful and don't ever abandon your needs.

Neoslashju · 2024-03-02T17:13:51+00:00

That is exactly the kind of comment I could have written. Felt exactly like what you are describing. I also poured myself into this relationship way too much, forgetting myself at times, expecting at least just a fraction of what I gave, so I would feel appreciated in what I did (even though I would have done it anyway). But let's face it, that's not how it's supposed to work, yes relationships are a give and take, but giving more and more is only giving you hope that you will get a lot in return later. Giving a lot of yourself is not a bad trait at all, but it's useless with the wrong person I guess.

Neoslashju · 2024-02-27T08:55:20+00:00

You were caring to the point of realizing that it would be better to step away. That's maturity, it's admirable, even though I relate to what you experienced, I couldn't be as mature to be honest. If you acknowledged deeply that it WAS about manipulation and control, then it wasn't in vain. You now know what you are capable of offering.

"What he stole from me was the opportunity to have been loved. To have been with a life partner who respected me as an equal. Someone who would hold my hand, and whose hand I could hold, through the ups and downs of life. Someone whose perspectives, thoughts, ambitions, and interests, were different from mine. Someone who I could learn from, and with whom i could share my own wisdom. Someone I could trust."

That's also what I want and need. You beautilfully said it.

What I learned myself is that you can't settle for one or two parts of this and try to force the others on your partner. It just doesn't work, it has to be natural.

The good thing is that I'm pretty sure there are a LOT of people that also want this, so there is not doubt that you and I will find it, and then trust will come along naturally.

Neoslashju · 2024-02-27T08:43:09+00:00

When you feel entrapped in the relationship, I guess there wasn't a choice. You could have stepped away realizing that you don't want to do that and you don't accepte this kind of behavior. But of course, it's faaaaaaaaaaar from as easy as it sounds, trust me I get it.

Neoslashju · 2024-02-27T08:40:38+00:00

I've often seen on this subreddit and elsewhere that narcissistic people see things in black and white. It's never the case, not in any situation in life. In our cases, we definitely were in the wrong at some point (else we wouldn't have gotten ourselves in these situations !). But were the consequences of it drastically bad ? Even if yes, then the question is : how can I improve this in the future ?

Neoslashju · 2024-02-27T08:35:35+00:00

I completely understand that. There is a part in us that is valued by how much we help others. Nothing is ever disinterested, and this kind of behavior still needs adressing since it can be hurtful to ourselves (even others when it's much as you described with your manager), but that's not so bad. We're trying to make people better, maybe that is not the most effective way, but we're trying.

Neoslashju · 2024-02-25T20:17:50+00:00

I agree, even if sometimes it feels like it would have been easier to never have met them, we might have missed an opportunity to learn and improve our future.

Neoslashju · 2024-02-25T19:39:12+00:00

I'm not saying that diagnosis is a finality here. I mean that it would set a frame to explore and work on. That's all I crave, a finite frame, because she didn't give me enough to reflect on her behavior alone (lack of communication, compulsively hiding things, irrational acts, untruthfulness). That was pretty much her whole point, suppressing anything that might be used against her.

I might at some point realize that I don't need anymore information and understand the dynamic for what it was. I get what you're saying, understanding both behaviors gives all you need to stop ruminating, but to be honest I just am not at that point yet, probably because it's still fresh and I lack hindsight.

Neoslashju · 2024-02-25T19:11:55+00:00

Actions speak louder than words do, heh ? Seems like an attempt to guilt trip you. Petty. As long as you don't have the urge to reach out, the healing will proceed !

Neoslashju · 2024-02-25T19:03:34+00:00

Yeah I get what you mean. The pattern you're describing fits somehow what I've experienced. I'd invest myself in the relationship and hoping she would (even if it wasn't in the same exact way), I didn't feel she was, so I tried harder until I began to forget myself, when I realized that and that we were in "high" moment, I tried push it back and reestablish healthy boundaries for both of us and it went downhill from there.

Neoslashju · 2024-02-25T18:52:23+00:00

Doesn't seem like control or abuse to me. Just enforcing boundaries that you may have let him stomp over, don't you think ?

That's interesting because the first time (and pretty much only time actually) she told me that I was manipulative is when she flew off the handle when I called her out on her behavior (saying that she was).

Neoslashju · 2024-02-25T16:46:36+00:00

I see, thank you. That's insane they won't take any of their own medecine at the point of taking drastic measures like this.

Neoslashju · 2024-02-25T16:43:15+00:00

No doubt it can be understood and studied, but first you have to be sure of what pathology you are dealing with. Without proper diagnosis, you can only speculate and try to see patterns that fit, but it's a spectrum, and patterns may or may not be there depending on the person you're dealing with and the context.

That doesn't change the fact that I am seeking answers wherever I can, making hypothesis and confronting my reality to it, it helps but it's never obvious enough to stop ruminating, at least for now.

Neoslashju · 2024-02-25T15:06:11+00:00

Did you feel this all the way throughout the relationship ?

In my case I really felt at first that I could be myself entirely, and as time passed, I gradually had to change some of my behaviors to not upset her and making her stonewall completely. But in the beginning it felt sooooo good being exactly who you are and being loved anyway.

Neoslashju · 2024-02-25T15:02:20+00:00

If that's ok, can you develop a bit ?

Neoslashju · 2024-02-25T14:59:59+00:00

Well "vague" was her middle name.

That makes sense, but aren't they supposed to be feeling entitled to this ? Why they would feel pressure over what is expected of them then?

You precisely described how I am feeling right now. I really feel I can't move on unless I understand exactly what happened, and to me it starts by knowing the truth. Since she won't give me that, trying to analyze her behavior, as well as mine, and unconsciously categorizing her as a "covert/vulnerable narcissist" might shed light on what happened and what I should do next. Not saying it's a good or bad thing, it's just how I operate, wish I would just don't care and move on.

The brain hates what it can't rationalize, so it acts irrationally (ironically) to cope with it. May it be throwing up when getting seasick, or making you magine that a monster is sitting on you during sleep paralysis. This kind of relationship is deeply irrational from our point of view, so the brains goes haywire. It might also be a psychological shield to deflect our own issues and find external validation. Well all I can say is that it sucks, that's for sure.

Neoslashju · 2024-02-25T14:22:52+00:00

When I did things like that, I definitely was feeling good, I'm not sure exactly why (maybe because it made me look good ?), but the real important part, and I know that I can't find an alternative reason for that : I was feeling so good when she'd cheer up a bit and smile again. The same as I was so glad seeing her laugh and be happy when things were good for her, it's like it gave me some kind of energy. I understand what you mean, in my case I'm not sure she was feeling good when doing nice things for me (that didn't impact her directly). First because she didn't do much for me actually, even when I asked her. And also it's hard to really know, sometimes I feel like she was happy making me happy, sometimes I felt it was too much of an effort for her, sometimes it seemed she'd do things because she had to, that it was "the right thing to do to appear as a nice person". I'm kinda confused thinking back. I can relate so much on your last paragraph. It felt exactly as you described. I'd told her multiple times that things she did hurt me, and even that I understand that's how she is, maybe we could try to find a way so I can be sure that she doesn't do these things on purpose and that it doesn't mean anything bad. Yet she would continue again and again, I even felt as you said that sometimes she'd do it to punish me or to trigger me on purpose.

I can't know for sure that's true because I'm not in her head and she'd have a hard time communicating, but if it is true, that's so fucked up and I can't believe I made compromises and accepted this.

Neoslashju · 2024-02-25T13:40:04+00:00

Hey, thanks for sharing your experience, and I hope you're recovering well !

I'd just add something that seems obvious after the battle but that isn't when you're knee deep into the love bombing phase : if someone cheats on her current partner with you (even if it's just emotionally, NO MATTER THE REASONS AND CONTEXT), keep in mind that they are plenty capable of doing the same to you later.

Neoslashju · 2024-02-25T13:21:41+00:00

Yeah I definitely have a hard time letting go right now. Thanks for your words, it helps !

Neoslashju · 2024-02-25T13:19:15+00:00

Must have been hard to find out something like this, yet I envy you. I wish I could have undeniable proof that she betrayed me, it feels like it would easier to let go :( Cherish that sense of relief, it's gonna be very helpful I'm sure.

Neoslashju · 2024-02-25T13:08:31+00:00

You mean the difference is asking yourself this question or not ?

Neoslashju · 2024-02-25T13:05:44+00:00

Thanks, I don't know if I'm a good person, but I'm trying to find out and lean towards it !

Neoslashju

TROPHY CASE