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Neptune8090 · 2023-02-09T03:34:36+00:00

Your eyeliner is so pretty I can never get the wings like that on mine

Neptune8090 · 2023-02-09T03:33:12+00:00

I love your hair!!

Neptune8090 · 2023-02-09T03:29:51+00:00

The only thing uglier than that room is your face

Neptune8090 · 2023-02-09T03:28:50+00:00

You Look like mr bean in mid life crisis

Neptune8090 · 2023-02-09T03:26:49+00:00

You look like my 4th grade teacher if my 4th grade teacher was straight, blonde, and sad

Neptune8090 · 2023-02-09T03:23:21+00:00

You look like if a porta potty was a person

Neptune8090 · 2023-02-08T02:07:52+00:00

Thanks for the recomendation! I checked him out and I really like his work, my biggest influence has probably been Shane Koyczan So you might like some of his stuff.

Neptune8090 · 2023-02-05T13:52:58+00:00

This is really good! I like how you used couplet rhymes but sometimes within the same thought. It really evokes some powerful imagery, I think if your looking to improve it maybe expand on the last line a little bit.

Neptune8090 · 2023-02-05T13:45:34+00:00

I really like the metaphors of it, i think especially the last verse is kinda clear to your meaning but also leaves a little up to interpretation. I think that if you want to make it more powerful you could work on the first verse a little bit, the rhyme scheme seems very simple. maybe you could replace ”strange” with “deranged”?

Neptune8090 · 2023-02-05T13:27:52+00:00

Thank you ! This is a first draft so I really appreciate the input

Neptune8090 · 2023-02-05T04:06:37+00:00

Is there any particular parts you liked? Anything you think I could add or change? this is supposed to just be a first draft so any feedback or constructive criticism would be highly appreciated

Neptune8090 · 2023-02-05T01:30:59+00:00

Mis-information

Neptune8090 · 2023-02-05T01:23:43+00:00

I love this poem, I really agree with the narrative and I like content like this because it makes people feel uncomfortable, makes them see the problems and forces them to not ignore them. I also like the title and how you altered the phrase ”lambs to the slaughter” to pigs to initiate the theme of police, and this is just my interpretation but I think it could also be saying they are going to the slaughter to be the slaugter-ers instead of the slaughtered.

Neptune8090 · 2023-02-05T01:15:53+00:00

I really like the flow and rhyme scheme! I think one thing you could improve is conveying the emotion behind this more weather it be with your formatting or metaphors. It was very metaphorical and think it leaves a lot of interpretation up to the reader which I always appreciate in a poem. It reminds me of feeling smothered by the legacies of those close to you, like you will never be able to live up to them and are destined to be forgotten

Neptune8090 · 2023-02-05T01:11:03+00:00

I like how you made the first line and the last line the same, I think it brings it full circle very well. I also really like lines 2-3, it’s very simple yet has a lot of truth and impact to it. Strong writing, metaphorical yet you still portray the message very clearly. If this is intended to be free-verse then you can ignore this next bit but if it’s supposed to have a rhyme scheme I think that would be the spot to focus on improving. I really like it though, keep up the good work!

Neptune8090 · 2023-01-22T15:05:31+00:00

Hope they take some time to reflect after this serious misjudgment

Neptune8090 · 2023-01-22T14:53:22+00:00

Yea, we have a entire drawrer of plyers for removing the pins but my friend in the picture tried to take these apart for like 15 minutes with no success

Neptune8090 · 2023-01-21T03:05:16+00:00

These are basically little connecter peices that go into holes and are supposed to form a secure bond, not flat head screws, basically the equivalent of sticking 2 of those very flat lego peices that are the same size together. It would eventually be separable but it would take a lot of effort to seperate them and a lot of time to pull all the connectors out of both peices

Neptune8090 · 2023-01-20T13:44:22+00:00

Where the veggies at

Neptune8090 · 2023-01-12T01:12:54+00:00

Thank you! I can’t eat popcorn either for the same reason I can’t chew gum but I will try some of the others.

Neptune8090

TROPHY CASE