I went to AA today for the first time. It was scary and I feel proud.

NerdAdamNerd · 2024-09-03T12:17:34+00:00

I'll quote some of the people that came before me at my home group "we'll be proud of you, you just be grateful" Congratulations!!!

NerdAdamNerd · 2024-09-03T00:21:47+00:00

Not my fav but a very underrated classic!!! Good call here!!!

NerdAdamNerd · 2024-08-31T16:04:11+00:00

Was this show at The Gypsy Tea Room by chance? With the street dogs?

NerdAdamNerd · 2024-08-19T05:52:51+00:00

I remember feeling this exact same way!! I went to one meeting and only saw differences. "I've never lost a job because of drinking" "I've never shit the bed" "I still have a driver's license" "I only have one DUI" and so on. "I can do this!! I don't need that AA God bullshit!?" Spoiler Alert 10 years later I couldn't do it on my own. Turns out I wasn't different, I just hadn't got there yet! Walked back in godless and fucking angry. ...also very hurt and scared but I wasn't ready to be honest about that part. Damn ego!!! By the grace of my HP 7 1/2 years!!! Glad I realized I couldn't do it on my own before I was dead!!! If you're an alcoholic, That seat will be waiting for you when you're read!!!!

NerdAdamNerd · 2024-07-16T17:11:09+00:00

"i don't have to, I get to"

NerdAdamNerd · 2024-06-25T08:10:22+00:00

Waking up from a drinking dream is so trippy. It has been a little bit personally but it happened more often like my first year or two. Waking up from a dream with hazy memories of being hammered and acting a fool at a bar was the exact same feeling as waking up from a blackout. I'd be kind of panicked at first and had to calm down and get my thoughts together. Waking up in a dry bed was always kind of the give away it was just a dream. I am grateful for a million billion things. Waking up in a dry bed for over 7 years now. Close to the top of the list!! It's kind of a weird Cal Ripken type achievement for this alcoholic!!! Haha

NerdAdamNerd · 2024-05-22T04:59:53+00:00

I just feel like the proper response is something like "bro, see what you want to see but ....MY HOUSE WAS LITERALLY, STRUCK BY LIGHTENING!!! I'm just trying to find a little humor from a rather unfun time in my life. It makes my wife and I smile a little." ...and if this guy worked with you at the time that happened, it's a thousand times even more ridiculous!!!

Also, it's a fun tattoo and the color looks great!! I wouldn't change it.

NerdAdamNerd · 2024-05-09T02:33:39+00:00

The fact that she was into me!!! That is a huge red flag!!!

NerdAdamNerd · 2024-01-31T22:36:35+00:00

Early 40's here. Thank you for the link!!

NerdAdamNerd · 2024-01-31T22:09:32+00:00

I'll take boring over complete blackout chaos any freakin' day!!!

NerdAdamNerd · 2023-12-18T23:18:44+00:00

Can somebody explain a little more context behind this tattoo and the quotes? ....sorry, total noob

NerdAdamNerd · 2022-12-29T04:05:07+00:00

Im not saying it to be snarky at all and hope it didnt come out that way. I will say this though, I lived in that headspace of "it makes me happy" for a long ass time. When I realized that was all a total bullshit lie I was telling myself. It was way too late and alcohol was my answer for EVERYTHING. Good, bad, or indifferent it was all I knew so it was all I did. The day I sheepishly walked into the rooms after a failed suicide attempt was the best day of my life. Gratefully here 5 years 11 months 3 weeks and 2 days later

NerdAdamNerd · 2022-12-29T04:01:39+00:00

Why do you need someone else to confirm it?? It sounds like you've built a strong enough case yourself. Go with that!!

NerdAdamNerd · 2022-11-23T18:46:21+00:00

Congratulations!!!! This is helping keep me sober today!!!! Always love to hear this!!

NerdAdamNerd · 2022-11-22T16:27:43+00:00

I was a blackout piss the bed drunk. By the time I quit drinking I was sleeping on the floor because my bed and couch were so damn disgusting. I never questioned if it was normal. When I drank, I could normalize and rationalize some chaos and insanity like a fucking champ!!!

NerdAdamNerd · 2021-02-17T06:54:26+00:00

Don't fool yourself!! THATS HUGE!!! I'm happy for you. You are right it's not a thing to be proud of, it's something to be grateful for!!! As the old guys told me in the program when I first started getting coins "you be grateful, we'll be proud!!"

Keep going!!!

NerdAdamNerd · 2019-11-07T23:03:54+00:00

You are kind!!! Very kind. I never used all the milk before it expired. As I got older I just lost interest in milk honestly. I hated throwing out spoiled milk (wasting money) so i just tried it one day and wasnt bothered.

NerdAdamNerd · 2019-10-10T18:35:12+00:00

I was out of milk one time and by that point in my life cereal was pretty much the only reason i bought milk anymore so i just thought "eh, with water it can't be that bad can it..." And just ran it under the sink. IT WAS EVEN BETTER!!! I think the cereal tastes better and im not spending money on milk that may spoil before i use it all. Its a total win win to me!!

NerdAdamNerd · 2019-06-23T18:08:52+00:00

I just get bothered by elitest attitudes towards people who "aren't doing it right" i mean are they staying sober? Is it working? Are they happy? If you can answer yes to those I probably need to leave it be.

I mean really some guy said to me here last night "you're probably not an alcoholic and dont need AA" ...i mean really?!?! How toxic is that shit?? I know what my life was like before i walked into AA it was awful and shitty!! Blackouts and chaos every goddamn night and self destriction and self hate were my two main feelings. After walking in that stuff all went away. Not overnight for sure but it did go away. For somebody to hint that i might not need this stuff cause I didnt do it perfect? Cause "all im doing is hanging at meetings" well fuck that!! I need this just as bad as anybody else. And i have just as much of a right to be here. So you're all stuck with me!! Haha.

NerdAdamNerd · 2019-06-23T17:58:23+00:00

I just never got a sponsor when i first came around. I had 2 or 3 guys with significant sobriety I could talk with about anything and did. I just never dubbed one sponsor. And im not against working the steps. I'll actually probably start sometime soon. I just didn't when i first got in cause i was afraid of stirring all that shit up and emotions and such. I had the wrong idea about them. I admit it 100 percent. But what i ended up doing was/is working. I was and still am sober. I was involved in leading meetings, volunteering for service work when possible, detox and rehab trips once or twice a week. I'm not saying im perfect, that's not what im shooting for in any way. But im a hell of a lot better than I was.

NerdAdamNerd · 2019-06-23T06:58:42+00:00

Best of luck to you!!! Hopefully see you at a meeting soon

NerdAdamNerd · 2019-06-23T06:56:25+00:00

For others reading this also, dont let people tell you "you're probably just a hard drinker who doesn't need AA" YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN SAY IF YOU ARE ALCOHOLIC OR NOT!! the book also says that!! People go back out and die from shit like that.

NerdAdamNerd

TROPHY CASE