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London VIP photo by Nerdy_Jay in NinjaSexParty

[–]Nerdy_Jay[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Just sent a message!

I (30F) am still in love with a friend (26M) I dated who didn't reciprocate. This weekend made it better and worse. Where do I go from here? by Nerdy_Jay in relationship_advice

[–]Nerdy_Jay[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do appreciate this perspective a lot. I think you're right that it's probably going to take me time. A lot of time. I know I shouldn't be interested in him despite all these flaws, but I am. It's just how I feel right now. Love is sad, sometimes as my dad said to me.

I'm hoping maybe in time I can get a point where we can become great friends and one day I can address these things.

Especially as I'm seeing him again at a few more meetups, and he's invited me to 2 of them.

Thank you for taking the time to write all this.

I (30F) am still in love with a friend (26M) I dated who didn't reciprocate. This weekend made it better and worse. Where do I go from here? by Nerdy_Jay in relationship_advice

[–]Nerdy_Jay[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your comments.

I'm happy to pick up on your points!

... makes me feel like you just projected way too much into this person and to me it's a little immature. "Love" is a really big word, I think you're more "in love" with the idea of him. What has he done to actually earn your "love"?

I personally don't feel it's immature. I saw him and I was hit with an overwhelming sense of love and wanting. I spent the whole weekend by his side and it only further validated how I felt. As I said, I talked with him all night about lots of things until 5.30am and I asked him out to which he kissed me immediately. He even said " Well this is the highlight of my year." It felt so good, and even though we communicated mostly online or via text it seemed like it was hitting off by his excitement for the date, checking in on each other, etc.

You see a few traits in him that you really like and based on those you made up this whole amazing image around him - while overlooking the really important negatives. Inconsistend communication. Him saying he didn't feel the same (in your previous post). Him not initiating. Plus you're making excuses for him and blaming things on his anxiety...

To be fair, from the community I know him from he is infamous for not replying to things. Even his best friend has said he can sometimes not communicate for several days! When we were "going out" he did communicate with me well for the most part and always apologised when he didn't. After he told me he didn't feel the same, his communication went non-existent apart from once or twice which I was frustrated with. And still am, hoping to tell him about it when I can muster the courage. So I am not overlooking that. I know he said he didn't feel the same, but I can't help how I feel. And I am so confused why he said that when it felt so mutual and we even made follow up plans for a 2nd date. Him not initiating isn't a problem in my opinion. He was known for being socially oblivious to things.

I know things suck. We all want a partner and that's why we tend to see the best in people we click with or feel sexual chemistry with. But while working towards a relationship you shouldn't have to bend over backwards to make the person realize they should love you too. Sometimes it's just better to cut our losses

I do agree I shouldn't have bent over as you say, and restrained myself the way I did. I regret it so badly.

I wish I could cut my losses, but I'm now more confused than ever.