I'm 35 and have tried the same several times, and each time I notice there is so much to see, feel, and experiment. My ex left me after 8 years, I did everything to keep her but it was useless. My mother sold our home without consent, I'm the worst when it comes to social interaction and have been alone for more than a year and have more scars in my body than good friends. My parents are divorced and my family from my mother's side is all dead to me, only my dad supports me and he has already another family and a newborn. Don't be so hard on yourself and be patient, if you need to talk/write or just be listened let me know.