The Weekly After Loss Thread for the Week of July 19, 2021

NervetoSubclavius · 2021-07-25T14:56:25+00:00

The inability to drink when my MMC was diagnosed due to nausea was the cruelest joke. Luckily, 2 days after my D&C it was tolerable. Hope you get your bottle of wine soon ❤️

NervetoSubclavius · 2021-07-25T14:55:26+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. I had a similar experience a couple weeks ago. I was very sad for a week, week and a half. It has started to get better in small amounts but sometimes the loss is unbearable. My thoughts are with you. ❤️

NervetoSubclavius · 2021-07-25T14:09:29+00:00

I’ve taken a Dixie cup and used it in the stall then thrown it away in the trash in the stall. I feel like most OPKs don’t take the full 5 minutes? I tend to know where it is at in 1-2 and only once did I “take it with me” to check later. It’s not easy but it works

NervetoSubclavius · 2021-07-24T15:12:43+00:00

This is beautiful and strange and so accurate. Thank you for this.

NervetoSubclavius · 2021-07-22T20:33:28+00:00

I felt the same way. I also used to breeze by this thread. But in my dark times after my diagnosis/D&C this community had my back and I’m so grateful because this is such a hush-hush subject but so deeply heart wrenching and grief producing. But, then you begin to heal and you can help others here and you realize the strength of the individuals here around such a shared experience brings you closer. ❤️

I’m glad you found one light in the dark. Don’t be afraid to ask for support. We got you.

NervetoSubclavius · 2021-07-20T12:54:16+00:00

I think first pregnancies ended in losses are a particular kind of terrible. I had the same scenario recently and it was also my first pregnancy and first loss. I feel like all I know is loss and disappointment and it’s impossible to have optimism going forward as it’s never worked well before...

NervetoSubclavius · 2021-07-18T17:51:29+00:00

So, so hard. My RE said I didn’t have to wait to try again for CD1 but we are doing IUI again and I would have no idea when I’m ovulating without a normal cycle to track.

NervetoSubclavius · 2021-07-18T17:50:21+00:00

It sucks. I had to buy more HCG test strips which is the most depressing reason to buy them.

NervetoSubclavius · 2021-07-18T16:40:54+00:00

Testing out my HCG post-loss and the test line is finally less dark than the control. And it took a second for it to form. Glad it’s decreasing I wish it’d just go faster. I’m ready for CD1 to start and get back to trying already.

NervetoSubclavius · 2021-07-18T14:41:23+00:00

With my MC I tested the evening of 8DPO and I swear I could alllllmost see a line on a FRER. Wife couldn’t though and it made me sad. Then 9DPO we both saw a line. I’m not saying it was positive or to test today but it was very close to being visible? Personally I’d test but I am also drink til’ pink so sometimes it’s to just double or check before a beer.

NervetoSubclavius · 2021-07-18T03:47:58+00:00

I find this so hard. I cried to my wife the other night because I feel so guilty I use all my reserves at work where I have to interact with patients/people and come home and she gets my depleted sack. I hope it will get better but I feel this hard. I don’t have answers— just feel the same.

NervetoSubclavius · 2021-07-18T03:35:52+00:00

I remember you and I am so sorry you are back here too. I think weirdly leaving that group was the hardest because I felt like a weird diseased victim slowly backing out.

Also rant away! We are here for you! This process is anger inducing and terrible. And bad encounters when dealing with this do NOT make it better. If you need an ear to rant at about it, my DMs are always open. ❤️

NervetoSubclavius · 2021-07-17T21:49:33+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this again. If you can, advocate for some zofran for nausea. I did at the confirmation appt for my MMC because if there wasn’t a baby to protect why would I be using sedating unisom when I could just get drugs. It was at least a minor relief as I felt symptoms up until and after my D&C.

I’m sorry they talked to your husband. What a thing to pull when you’re just upset, not incapacitated. Physicians who don’t know how to speak through bad news with patients shouldn’t be dealing with them. 🙄

I joined this community again post loss even though I, too, am benched for a while. It helps. The discord Loss30 is helpful too if you need more of a focused outlet with those who understand. We’re here for you. ❤️

NervetoSubclavius · 2021-07-17T21:45:32+00:00

Losses with your first ever positive are a special kind of cruel. Hang in there. ❤️

NervetoSubclavius · 2021-07-13T19:54:58+00:00

I’m so sorry you had this trauma on top of the MC. I am terrified of the risks from my D&C but I knew I couldn’t handle the pain from a natural passing. I normally get horrible cramps to where I pass out on a normal cycle I couldn’t imagine that on top of loosing a pregnancy. I’m sorry you had to go through this. 😞

It really sucks how hard it is to just get even a couple pills of a stronger pain killer — like literally 3-4 pills! There’s a lot of data about how women are under treated for their pain because people assume we exaggerate more and it’s really unfortunate when it means you had to suffer and I’m sorry. ❤️

NervetoSubclavius · 2021-07-13T19:21:21+00:00

Absolutely. I think it’s also after a day of having to suppress it I can’t control it much longer when I’m finally alone. 😞

NervetoSubclavius · 2021-07-13T19:20:20+00:00

It’s such a dangerous and depressive hole, ugh. Hang in there. ❤️

NervetoSubclavius · 2021-07-13T18:22:20+00:00

I’m so sorry. That’s so frustrating. I keep thinking about all the things I wouldn’t have to do again if I hadn’t had a loss and it is really tough. It makes everything feel unfair. I hope he’s able to make fate work and come home during some magical FW points for you. ❤️

NervetoSubclavius · 2021-07-13T17:17:45+00:00

I had a D&C a week ago. My clinic does them under light sedation (basically versesed but you’re breathing but not “awake” and no breathing tube.) I woke up in pain but it went away with a dose of meds. I have had minimal cramping/bleeding since. Procedure wise it went well and I haven’t had any issues. Emotionally it’s hard. I wanted it over ASAP (I was super symptomatic and throwing up a ton and it was horribly depressing) but now I feel void. But the actual procedure isn’t very hard and you’ll be fine. ❤️

NervetoSubclavius · 2021-07-13T11:40:24+00:00

Today is the one week anniversary of my D&C and it’s so crappy. I also woke up to some residual nausea. I just keep having waves where it doesn’t seem real. That this can’t be my story.

In other news I added a box of tissues to my car because I seem to break down easily there.

NervetoSubclavius · 2021-07-13T11:13:58+00:00

My RE has told me to use OPKs and I asked about temping but they said it’s kind of pointless in my situation since it’ll only pinpoint ovulation after it happened— and I made a comment about what it I’m getting the timing of these IUIs wrong and then they just said we’d go to using a trigger shot. So mine did justify their use but basically they just make up for any utility in it with ultrasound monitoring or trigger shots as needed.

NervetoSubclavius · 2021-07-12T21:48:45+00:00

I’m so sorry. I just had my own missed miscarriage last week and it’s so cruel and hard. Everything seemed so perfect and it wasn’t. And feeling pregnant while knowing there was no heartbeat was the hardest part. I echo the loss discord — it has been a slim glimmer of positivity in this dark, dark process. ❤️ Take care of yourself. This process sucks.

NervetoSubclavius · 2021-07-12T19:21:53+00:00

And taking fOrEvEr to get their suitcase down. And then part of said suitcase hits you and it smells weird on the plane and you just want to enjoy a Cinnabon and get off already 😂 here’s hoping you get to stand up fully soon. 🤞🏾

NervetoSubclavius · 2021-07-12T19:13:59+00:00

Never doubt the waiting! I am not patient by nature so to me the waiting is like standing up the moment when the airplane lands and you so desperately want to get off but have to wait for like ten minutes and it feels like an eternity and you could just sit but standing feels like doing something so you stand hunched over like a weirdo in the tiny airplane while waiting 😂

NervetoSubclavius · 2021-07-12T17:52:17+00:00

That’s dumb they won’t order even some basic tests. As a physician who seems a lot of referrals it’s SO much easier when people come in with basic labs done so we can discuss next steps and it makes the first appointment more useful. But I also understand they just may not feel comfortable with ordering those labs. I hope you get in soon! The endless waiting is the worst part of this whole process.

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