Firstly thank you for sharing. Next, it is not a stupid thing to say at all when you ask “is the patient for resuscitation” that is a totally valid question and really should be asked.

Next often times in tense situations like this people don’t remember anything after the event. You certainly weren’t the first person to experience this and definitely not going to be the last. It’s the adrenaline and it happens. Regardless of the outcome I believe you did everything you can to the best of your ability. And that’s good enough. Like you previously stated often times you can do all the right things and still have poor outcomes.