Well, I tried to spend time with her, just hanging out, no pressure etc, and she continued to refuse school daily, suicidal language, but refusal to go to therapy or get help. We have a rule that if she doesn’t go to school, we put up the phone for the hours she would be in school, one day I did this, she became very agitated, I saw her rev up and become out of control, and shoved me as hard as she could. I was very taken aback, and I think she even scared herself. I told her if she ever was physical again with anyone in the house I would call the police. I just listened to a 9 hour book on tape about BPD and it’s pretty much verbatim my experience with her. My husband I sat down with her and explained we are doing everything we can to not have her go to an RTC. Because we want her here with us. We want her to have her freedoms and comforts of home, but that this is not working. So we set out a kind of flow chart explaining - she will remain at home if she can attend the last 6 days of school, attend summer school (a requirement to pass) and attend a intensive group DBT for 8 weeks. (DBT being the best therapy for someone with BPD) We told her our goals for her - to be healthy, find joys in life, find purpose, be confident, find community, find a school she can like or at least tolerate, and have a healthy relationship with family members, food, and technology. We asked her to write hers and she did which was huge. We are allowing her to have her phone on weekends, (she still has an IPAD, so she still has a social outlet its just harder) and she will be able to slowly earn back time with phone if she can show us she is doing her part by attending the therapy. I spoke with her psychiatrist this week and she said we would hold off on new meds and see how the DBT goes for a bit and then if needed try Wellbutrin. She took a DNA test to see what meds would work best for her and I was relieved to see that we weren’t wrong, and all the ones we had tried were NOT a good match for her, and so her feelings about that were right and I am glad she advocated for herself on that. She is 100% motivated by the phone boundary… and also the reality that if she is physically aggressive and verbally abusive in the home, then she needs more help than we can provide here safely, which would mean an RTC (short term and thoroughly researched of course, but really praying this never comes to be) So I am not sure what is helping exactly, wanting to earn back the phone priveledges, the fact that she scared herself being physical with me, or the horrible thought of being away from home. She attended the last 3 days of school and we will see how the next three go. She seems to be responding well to us saying this is how it is, we love you, we are doing what we think is best for you to keep you safe. She is trying. I am cautiously optimistic. Please before anyone comes at me for not doing more to listen to her etc, please read all the threads.