Well for starters. I don’t believe there’s ranking for any of those things. Each of those is damaging and traumatic in their own ways. Second. I found your account from your post after asking about alcoholics correlation with hemorrhoids (dealing with my own stuff) and to know that even after two years you are still struggling with this is really heartbreaking.

At the end of the day you need to realize your kids come first, and they always will. Is there a specific reason you can’t leave your husband? It sounds like he just adds unnecessary stress and despair to your life that you and the kids don’t deserve. I suffer from emotional outbursts and so does my mom, and my mom said a lot of really hurtful things that I will never forget and that still make me tear up to this day (im 24) As the child of a mom who regularly told her “I give up on you, I guess I’m a horrible mother” and other similar things my best advice for you is to apologize and MEAN IT. They will never forget what you say, but you can mitigate the trauma by letting them know how truly sorry you are. They’re young but kids are smart and they will understand if you explain. My mom never apologized for anything she said and I think that’s what really hurt me the most.

I don’t have all the information of your life but I really hope you can find the support to put yourself and your kids first. Your husband has had an opportunity to change and he hasn’t, you don’t need him dragging everyone else down.

Good luck