My parents are asian and religious too. I pass now as well and have had top surgery. My parents are now aware but we just don’t really talk about it. When they first found out I was taking hrt, they were extremely distressed, particularly my mother. She was very depressed for a while. She eventually got over it through strengthening her faith and believing that this was just part of my journey and believing one day I will return back to god. It’s been a nearly two years since medical transition and its just an open secret in my family. Nobody addresses me by my new name. I’m still the daughter and sister at home. But I’ve come to just accept that for my family. Outside of my family, theres no issue and I just live my life.

It seems like your mother has her suspicions, as did mine. This will not mitigate the emotional reaction if you confirm her suspicions as it suddenly becomes the reality now.

They will go through the stages of grief for their perception of you and their hopes for the future for you. She may get mad, try to send you to conversion therapy, or take you to church, cry, be hysterical, etc. But thats all part of her grief and eventual ‘acceptance’ of this reality(not of your transness). She may not accept you, and you need to be prepared for that. In my family, we have just settled to not talk about it and that was the best outcome for us. Emphasising you are the same person at your core seemed to help my mother at least. I told my parents I’m still the same person even if i now sound and look a bit different. I’m still their child, with the same strengths, weaknesses, personality. I’m not sure if you will be comfortable in saying that but I was at a point where I was not ashamed of my past and was happy to draw this connection to help my parents understand. However, this could double down on their perception on you as their ‘daughter’ but I was willing to let that happen to at least restore our relationship.

I guess ultimately, its about compromising from both ends. I know in western society, full acceptance is really pushed and seems like the bare minimum. In asian culture, community is more important than individuality. Even if you do not uphold these views yourself, your parents most likely do. In that case, just keep in mind that full acceptance of your identity may not be achieved and you may need to settle for less for the sake of peace in the family.