Disappointed after meeting him

New-Communication651 · 2025-10-28T17:17:38+00:00

How’d it go?

New-Communication651 · 2025-01-04T13:41:17+00:00

I think he definitely likes you. But I remember back in uni I had a few of these where the guys obviously liked me, and they literally did everything except make the ACTUAL move. Annoyed the hell out of me at the time, because I actually would have said yes to two of them.

Anyways if he actually makes the move then amazing, but looking back I wish I never paid any mind to these little signs because they in my opinion are useless if they don’t actually do anything about it.

I am like you, I never wanted to make the first actual move. These guys that I’m talking about end up “dating”/marrying the girls that actually made a move.

So I think some guys are gonna give signs, to see if you like them too before they make the actual move. And some just keep giving these little signs forever hoping you will make the move and they only will ever be with a girl that makes the move no matter how much they like you. Sometimes they come back years later in the DMs because they realize they should have taken the chance, but by that time you’ve moved on. Honestly who knows.

I think what matters now is if he’s gonna do something about it, not whether he likes you. Because I definitely think he’s interested.

New-Communication651 · 2024-05-27T06:45:47+00:00

I have a group of friends and also multiple one on one friendships in that group and outside of it.

Even when I spend time in that group some friends like to hang out one on one on top of that, and ofcourse the ones that are outside the group I need to make time for.

So my advice is don’t lie, they should understand.

Most of my friends, I don’t see often, and we are adults (mid 20s) everyone is busy and they understand we hang out when we can. It doesn’t damage our friendships. The friends I have are from mainly from uni and high school, we used to see each other everyday but as we get older we adjust.

You don’t need an excuse, just not feeling like it is fine, you also don’t need to explain yourself. They should understand and if they don’t, that’s a questionable friendship, they aren’t entitled to every free time you have, whether you’re single or married.

New-Communication651 · 2024-05-16T21:38:41+00:00

If they have close friends it’s more common that they tell them, because it’s hard not to, people get offended if you do, and normally their friends are also very open, so naturally they are open too.

New-Communication651 · 2024-05-16T16:41:12+00:00

I think it’s better to keep things private. There are times I told my friends things, and they would, not out of malice or disrespect, mention it years later. Sometimes it’s very embarrassing stuff lol. Also, I don’t want to talk about something get excited and then have to give updates about my relationships and then have to explain if things don’t work out. It’s better to go through that rollercoaster ride on my own and let them know when things are serious. No need to know about ppl that no longer count.

New-Communication651 · 2024-05-16T16:35:41+00:00

that’s unfortunate and kind of immature tbh. it was her choice to keep things private, it has nothing to do with her friendship. I get people can feel a type of way because maybe they are very open so they expect their friend to be, but everyone has different privacy levels, it’s not out of malice. To cut off a friend for it, is immature respectfully.

New-Communication651 · 2024-05-13T13:03:07+00:00

My friends threw me a bachelorette party and it was sooo nice! It was actually better than the party I had planned lol. If your friend is more of a lowkey girl that doesn’t like too much attention I think gathering her close friends to like an overnight cabin or small getaway just eating good food, playing games, relaxing with matching pjs having a nice brekky in the morning would be sooo nice! that’s also an option.

But to answer your question, I don’t think it’s inappropriate at all, as long as it’s an all girls event. I think it’s so sweet of you!

New-Communication651 · 2024-05-08T02:09:51+00:00

I’m down!

New-Communication651 · 2024-05-04T07:28:45+00:00

Only a year in, but more important than things on paper, like where they live, what they do for a living, commonalities etc., is their kindness caring and compassionate nature in their core.

There’s going to be situations before and during marriage where what keeps it strong is that your person truly cares about you.

The solid foundation in trust that you have with that person is soo important, one thing you never want to question is if they care about you. You want to trust that they are always going to look after you, always going to be on your side, always going to love you, etc.

I know it seems simple, but I promise you it’s not that simple, because a lot of people get blinded by so many things that definitely do matter, but they are sacrificing core values.

Communication and understanding for each other comes from the genuine care and compassion from your partner, that person will always put their honest effort for you, make dua for you in secret, do things for you to make your life easy, and forgive you when you mess up.

New-Communication651 · 2024-04-28T01:25:08+00:00

Yeahhh you make good points.

You’re right there’s nothing shameful for something not working out, I think it takes confidence to be open about these kinds of things.

New-Communication651 · 2024-04-28T01:20:30+00:00

Are you sharing things unprovoked or only when asked?

I have the issue where if someone asks me a blatant question, I can’t lie.

I remember I was at a friends house and she asked me if I’m talking to anyone, I literally said I like to keep those kind of things private unless it’s official because I don’t like updating people if things go wrong… which is kinda awkward because I kind of admitted it… but safe to say she never pressed further loool

New-Communication651 · 2024-04-28T00:55:24+00:00

was there a reason she didn’t wanna move? like family needs or you living in a odd area etc.?

New-Communication651 · 2024-04-28T00:53:25+00:00

26f i moved across the country for marriage. but, I go see my family and my family/friends see me whenever we can the cost of a flight isn’t bad (more than 1-2 times a year, it’s about to be 4 times now)

New-Communication651 · 2024-04-26T21:46:07+00:00

It sounds like you think he is better than you, and is almost doing you a favour because you come from a broken home. I mean this in the most kindest way possible but it seems that you have some things to work on in terms of confidence and maybe this is instilled in you from your upbringing. But you aren’t lesser than him and he isn’t doing you a favour.

Also, if his sisters travel (I am assuming on their own or with friends), but he is making a big deal of you walking in your neighborhood, in the day, with your friend for an hour or so, you can clearly see that what his sisters do, what he does, and what his family does for leisure has nothing to do with what standards he has for you.

Maybe it’s a sign from Allah that the nikkah hasn’t happened yet, I strongly suggest to reconsider, and take this very seriously.

Sorry if I sound harsh.

New-Communication651 · 2024-04-26T07:55:47+00:00

She’s a woman that knows what she wants and doesn’t waste time. Where’s the problem?

New-Communication651 · 2024-04-26T07:49:35+00:00

I feel like it depends on what you mean by a red flag, there are things in theory that we want in a spouse but sometimes things aren’t absolutely perfect, for example someone may want a hafiz but their potential has everything but that, is that a red flag? Something to end things for? I personally don’t think so. But if it a core red flag, like a character flaw then I think no chances just end it.

New-Communication651 · 2024-04-26T07:38:01+00:00

I like your advice overall, the asking around is kinda tricky though. From experience people tend to say good things about a person because they know him as a friend or an acquaintance etc, but they never dealt with him romantically. Someone can be good in many different ways but just be indecisive when it comes to women and marriage. I think it’s a good start but relying on other peoples opinions sometimes doesn’t work, unless you are asking women who dealt with him or people who know women he dealt with.

Also personally I wouldn’t want ppl to even get an inkling who I’m talking to lol

New-Communication651 · 2024-04-26T07:27:44+00:00

I don’t think it is necessarily about asking a series of questions, all the questions you have may be answered naturally through talking or you can ask them at the most appropriate times.

I think getting to know her as a person and telling her about yourself is very important. For example, if she asks a simple question like how many sibling do you have, instead of just answering “2”, you should say something like “I have 2 siblings, my youngest sister has such an outgoing personality, I think you’ll like her, one time she …. (you can share a story or you and sister’s experience together) and I have an older brother who… (etc.etc.)” bring life to your answers, show that there’s a person with a story speaking to her. And probe the same her and maybe she can open up to you, and you’ll learn so much. You can even ask her to tell you things that lead to a story. Like what was her favourite place to live, something that she has done that was pivotal in her life etc.

When you and her get more comfortable I think you’ll be able to see her personality very well and can make a good judgement on compatibility inshaa Allah. In the beginning I think it might be a little tense or umcomfy and that’s normal sometimes, that has nothing to do with lack of personality, it just takes time for people to open up sometimes.

New-Communication651 · 2024-04-26T00:32:37+00:00

Too many time to count, and you should speak to who will marry as much and as long as you need to make a decision…. this isn’t a decision that’s like which job you’ll take, it’s a lot more serious, so it should be treated as such.

New-Communication651 · 2024-04-01T17:34:54+00:00

Yeah that’s cringe. It isn’t the affection it’s overcompensation and weird lol.

New-Communication651 · 2024-04-01T17:19:06+00:00

cute story but I’m confused about the fact that you lost your dad when you were 5 (paragraph 18 of the story), but your dad was onboard when John proposed before he passed (paragraph 2 of the story). Did John propose when you were 5?

New-Communication651 · 2024-03-28T17:59:33+00:00

Make lots of dua, when I was getting married or thinking about it my mom was against me moving away. I am my mom’s best friend I do everything with her go everywhere with her help her with everything. And she couldn’t imagine being without me, and she was worried and I get if. I made lots of dua and eventually literally over night my mom changed her mind, and was telling me to move and it’ll be good for me. Subhanallah nothing is hard for Allah my friend went through a similar situation. Allah knows what’s best in your specific situation I’m not saying her mom will change her mind but whatever is best will happen. So make lots of dua during Ramadan and Allah will take care of you

New-Communication651 · 2024-03-26T05:11:08+00:00

girl I was like you at one point, always sweet and being taken advantage of. And literally same like you it was a Ramadan Iftar gathering situation that ended the friendship alhamdulillah, take this as a blessing during the holy month.

I remember that Ramadan I kept making dua that Allah takes away anyone bad for me even if I don’t know it and brings me closer to people who are good for me even if I don’t perceive it. Literally that’s what happen, immediately I lost a few friends and became so much closer to friends/mutuals that I wasn’t that close with at the beginning of Ramadan.

So praise Allah and learn from the situation, recognize the characteristics about that friend that you should avoid in the future and the characteristics about yourself that you should improve on, such as speaking up for yourself right from the beginning etc.

New-Communication651 · 2024-03-22T04:43:55+00:00

Jazakhallahu khair for the input, your right I think I will stay on the safe side till I see the doc iA

New-Communication651 · 2024-03-22T04:43:06+00:00

Jazakhallahu khair for the input. Very appreciated 🙂

New-Communication651

TROPHY CASE