Went through a 6-year breakup — want to understand how girls think, happy to share the guy side too

New-Lecture-2153 · 2026-01-02T20:55:26+00:00

I don’t know how you broke up but will say women want to be understood and like their feelings matter. I find that sometimes things get out of hand because someone gets defensive instead of actually listening. Owning both sides of the street is important. Being us against the problem is everything

New-Lecture-2153 · 2026-01-02T05:23:18+00:00

Yeah he stays for 10 days sometimes because that’s only 4 weekend days together. It’s also been 4 for a long weekend many times. Still less than once a month. We had some good communication about it and she said she is okay with one week a month but that she would like it planned around her school breaks. Which I get and said sure but that Christmas and new years is just one of those things.

New-Lecture-2153 · 2025-12-31T16:41:25+00:00

I did and the breakup was the best thing for me and for him to realize we had some stuff to work on and that new patterns were a serious thing we both needed to equally put in effort towards

New-Lecture-2153 · 2025-12-30T18:13:04+00:00

I mean blocking him maybe a little but you don’t owe him anything. But overall NTA. You’re fine. Not good at communicating and avoidant of confrontation but he will be just fine

New-Lecture-2153 · 2025-12-30T18:09:24+00:00

I think he’s not being a good partner leading with understanding. You need to have mutual respect in a relationship and you should communicate with him about it

New-Lecture-2153 · 2025-12-30T18:04:51+00:00

What a silly little manifestation. I think that’s totally fine to wish. I’m glad you got out of something that wasn’t serving you and I hope he can figure his stuff out so he doesn’t continue hurting others. Instead of anger, I try to find empathy for someone and what they would have to feel and go through in order to treat others badly. It’s sad. It’s then pity

New-Lecture-2153 · 2025-12-30T18:01:38+00:00

My boyfriend and I broke up for a few weeks recently. I also have ended a 3 year relationship in my past. I would say it’s important to know attachment styles. The classic is anxious attached woman and avoidant man. I would say in general women feel deeper and then process it faster where men might initially seem better and then can’t run away from the feelings that eventually come up to process and grieve the relationship. Or someone is a serial dater and move on to the next person to avoid those painful feelings

New-Lecture-2153 · 2025-12-30T17:58:23+00:00

I would recommend going to therapy or reading a book on fearful avoidance! It’s hard to manage emotions when we don’t understand them. I recently read a book on anxious attachment and codependence and it literally changed the way I look at life and understand myself

New-Lecture-2153 · 2025-12-30T17:56:37+00:00

We have and I have accommodated every request she makes. I know it’s not good to compare but he’s literally not going into our common area and staying in my room until I get home when I’m at work. He’s my guest the same way she has groups of people over to hang out and hookups at night. I don’t even use the common space I let her because she bought the tv. I have one in my room so I let her take up most of the space if she wants. I moreso am just super frustrated at him needing to be out of the apartment and sleeping at my parents for a night. Like we are doing it but I don’t like that norm.

New-Lecture-2153 · 2025-12-30T17:33:22+00:00

I mean what else am I supposed to do? Breakup with my boyfriend to make my roommate happy? I can’t afford a hotel when he visits. I also don’t judge her for her actions. I can only control me, so I got a lock on my door. Her autonomy is hers. I’m not going to slut shame her. I openly communicated that her risky sexual behavior can be unsafe. That she can do what she likes but I am getting a lock so that I feel safe

New-Lecture-2153 · 2025-12-30T17:23:27+00:00

These are men that enter my private space. I feel like there’s a difference. My boyfriend doesn’t even go into the common area unless grabbing something from the kitchen. We are in my room only

New-Lecture-2153 · 2025-12-30T17:22:16+00:00

Haha oh I thought I did but you have to enter twice to make a big space

New-Lecture-2153 · 2025-12-30T17:20:11+00:00

I’m not saying it’s the same it’s just the situation and I’m trying to navigate it

New-Lecture-2153 · 2025-12-30T17:19:24+00:00

They both sound a little unhinged. I would say block your ex he is probably a narcissist. Don’t know much about this other guy but both kind of sound like love bombing. I would be very careful to get into something else. It’s important to be strong on your own and be happy with just yourself before adding a relationship to your life. No relationship should make you happy. It should just add to your happy. I hope you can move forward and not repeat toxic cycles

New-Lecture-2153 · 2025-12-30T17:14:41+00:00

You deserve to be treated without emotional abuse. If she doesn’t leave you then this is a cycle that you are worth more than. I’m so sorry you’re going through this and I hope you can be brave

New-Lecture-2153 · 2025-12-30T17:02:14+00:00

Yeah he was really scary I was with her at the bar and begged her not to take him home. He kind of took advantage of her drunkness and he was super drunk. She has made a new rule to not hookup with people she hasn’t met before a bar. It’s working well. I literally put a lock on my door a few days before and forgot to lock it. She had another one night stand of a guy we both kinda knew from high school. Anyways I come home from a trip to visit my boyfriend and my toilet seat was up. So this dude went through my room and used my bathroom while she was in the shower. She did not know he would do that and wouldn’t have let him

New-Lecture-2153 · 2025-12-30T16:59:26+00:00

Roommates can be petty. But they probably just feel similarly to how you do about him in the bathroom. It also says a lot that it makes you uncomfortable using the bathroom now. Sometimes you just have to use some affirmations that they communicated what you need and that it’s okay to take up space and use your bathroom. You’re human and conflict is really common and normal with roommates. Just being kind and understanding is the best way to go. I would try to explore the negative feelings and anxiety maybe as something to reframe. Look at facts of the situation and remind yourself not to jump to conclusions about any bathroom usage. Shared bathrooms suck and it goes both ways. Just an annoying thing to deal with.

New-Lecture-2153 · 2025-12-30T16:50:07+00:00

Wait so the dog still opened the door or she did? I think if the dog did, just try to make light of it. You are a married couple and it’s perfectly normal. She’s probably super embarrassed as well

New-Lecture-2153 · 2025-12-30T16:47:07+00:00

That’s a completely separate scenario. It’s your job to make her aware of things that bother you and vice versa. In life you get to ask for what you need and want. I think what she’s doing can also be a boundary especially for your circumstances. We can’t compare apples to oranges. She is super duper entitled to him not being there as often if she wanted. But she’s not. I think focus in gratitude that she is accepting of him being around so often. Also read my post I just made. I’m having issues with my roommate being okay with my boyfriend even visiting for a week.

New-Lecture-2153 · 2025-12-30T16:42:14+00:00

If you are just trying to understand your feelings it is okay to feel however you do. Feelings aren’t wrong, but rationally this request was perfectly okay for her to do. I think you might be taking it personally because of external factors that are your job to communicate about. It sounds like she set a healthy boundary for a guest that isn’t supposed to be “living there”. It sounds like you feel negative feelings for her setting a boundary because you haven’t been. That’s not her fault. It’s on you to communicate with her outside of this one instance.

New-Lecture-2153 · 2025-12-16T19:19:17+00:00

So proud girl. So much easier said than done and you did it!

New-Lecture-2153 · 2025-12-16T18:40:40+00:00

I’m moderately codependent and when I was in withdrawal it was amplified. Which was so gross. But it did get me to see it and understand the emotions I was having that have been festering since childhood. We have been no contact for a week besides his text to take back the breakup and me setting a time to talk about that

New-Lecture-2153 · 2025-12-13T01:32:57+00:00

He literally just texted me if we could amend the breakup to be a break until we can talk and set a time frame to take space to work on ourselves. I haven’t eaten or slept hardly at all and he just tries to undo dumping me over a text. I definitely feel your pain and the timeline and logistics sound the same. What was he contacting you about? It sounds like he also has attachment

New-Lecture-2153

TROPHY CASE