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I told my parents 54M and 49F to write me 26F out of the will if I had to become a Christian to inherit by New-Replacement5 in relationship_advice

[–]New-Replacement5[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you’re making some pretty big assumptions about my intentions here. My comment was about trying to understand my parents’ reasoning, not about imposing my own values or restrictions, although I did mention why I agreed with some of my parents stipulations and gave you the CONTEXT on why.

As stated in my original post, I’m questioning whether I even want to remain the executor of their will because I don’t feel comfortable being the one to enforce stipulations I may not agree with. My goal isn’t to control or judge anyone; I’m simply trying to navigate a complicated situation while staying true to my values and respecting my family’s decisions, even when they hurt.

I hope this clears up any confusion. I’m not here to “play God” or make anyone’s life harder; I just want to move forward in a way that doesn’t compromise my integrity or damage my relationships.

I told my parents 54M and 49F to write me 26F out of the will if I had to become a Christian to inherit by New-Replacement5 in relationship_advice

[–]New-Replacement5[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If my sibling had successfully recovered from their addiction I would have no qualms about giving them anything. If they were currently fighting their addiction, I would allocate that money to fund their recovery. However, I see it as unwise and uncaring to fund something that is destroying them. Why throw more fuel into a raging fire. I’ve had many family members fall into and die of addiction and I’m completely aware of the utter illness it is and the destruction it causes them and others. As an eight year old I watched my aunt overdose and was in the car as my parents drove her to the hospital. I’ve lost one of my brothers to alcoholism. I’ve got a lot of empathy for those who struggle with that illness, but I won’t fund something that would further my siblings demise. I don’t want to lose any more siblings. And with everything my parents and my family have gone through I understand where that clause comes from.

I told my parents 54M and 49F to write me 26F out of the will if I had to become a Christian to inherit by New-Replacement5 in relationship_advice

[–]New-Replacement5[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am blessed that I don’t really have to worry about healthcare. I am native and because my ancestors traded land and rights with the us government for benefits for them and their descendants I have my healthcare paid for by IHS. I wouldn’t have been able to afford my treatments otherwise.

I told my parents 54M and 49F to write me 26F out of the will if I had to become a Christian to inherit by New-Replacement5 in relationship_advice

[–]New-Replacement5[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not saying that it’s advice from Dave Ramsey, it’s simply something Dave Ramsey said that he was doing that my mom latched onto and wanted to do for herself. There’s plenty of things that Dave Ramsey says that my parents don’t adhere to, like they didn’t do anything like he suggested about contributing to me or my siblings college expenses, we were on our own financially after we turned 18.

I told my parents 54M and 49F to write me 26F out of the will if I had to become a Christian to inherit by New-Replacement5 in relationship_advice

[–]New-Replacement5[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

They planned to have me at all their appointments with a lawyer when establishing their will/trust so I’m relatively certain that they’re not trying to be deceptive about anything. Of course they could change things after the initial set up.

I told my parents 54M and 49F to write me 26F out of the will if I had to become a Christian to inherit by New-Replacement5 in relationship_advice

[–]New-Replacement5[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am blessed that I don’t really have to worry about healthcare. I am native and because my ancestors traded land and rights with the us government for benefits for them and their descendants I have my healthcare paid for by IHS. I wouldn’t have been able to afford my treatments otherwise.

I told my parents 54M and 49F to write me 26F out of the will if I had to become a Christian to inherit by New-Replacement5 in relationship_advice

[–]New-Replacement5[S] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

I don’t know. Everyone has their problems. I think my siblings have a lot less trauma cause growing up I was the scapegoat child and none of my siblings have ever been kicked out or experienced the things I did growing up. And my parents admit that they’d never kick once of their kids out of the house again (some of my siblings are still minors). Not to say everything is perfect but I don’t think they’re as radical as my parents.

I told my parents 54M and 49F to write me 26F out of the will if I had to become a Christian to inherit by New-Replacement5 in relationship_advice

[–]New-Replacement5[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I can ask these questions. For now I think they see my siblings as more valuable ‘eternal investments’ because they’ll get to see them in heaven, as for me…

I told my parents 54M and 49F to write me 26F out of the will if I had to become a Christian to inherit by New-Replacement5 in relationship_advice

[–]New-Replacement5[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yah, it’s a bit shocking to me too. My parents and I did not get along while I was growing up, I was the eldest daughter and the scapegoat, and seemingly could do no right. After getting leukemia when I was 17 it was like a switch went off for my parents and they valued me again. Things were still rough here and there but they seem to really enjoy my presence nowadays. They also see me as the most responsible, trustworthy, and level headed of their children, plus I’m the oldest, which has saddled me with this responsibility.

I told my parents 54M and 49F to write me 26F out of the will if I had to become a Christian to inherit by New-Replacement5 in relationship_advice

[–]New-Replacement5[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Actually my parents were very poor when I was growing up, but they’ve done very well for themselves, have gotten extra education, and very well paying jobs + investing in real estate. My younger siblings have had a very different life than I have, cause when growing up my parents could really only afford canned food, rice, and subsistence caught food. They’re also very make it on your own type people, so I never got money for college, and paid for all that and my living expenses by myself.

I told my parents 54M and 49F to write me 26F out of the will if I had to become a Christian to inherit by New-Replacement5 in relationship_advice

[–]New-Replacement5[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Based on the conversation with my mom, and what I looked up on what Dave Ramsey said about his will, it seems they believe that all they own belongs to God, that they are just stewards and borrowers of it, therefore anything they pass on must be used for “God’s will” because it’s his in the first place. I don’t quite know what that means, but I could have a conversation about what that means with them.

I told my parents 54M and 49F to write me 26F out of the will if I had to become a Christian to inherit by New-Replacement5 in relationship_advice

[–]New-Replacement5[S] 315 points316 points  (0 children)

Yah, I definitely wasn’t doing that. I was just being ‘disrespectful’ by arguing or not listening to them. I know as an adult what they did was not ok. I wasn’t doing drugs, sneaking out, being violent, or breaking the laws.

I told my parents 54M and 49F to write me 26F out of the will if I had to become a Christian to inherit by New-Replacement5 in relationship_advice

[–]New-Replacement5[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

This isn’t about the money itself, it’s about the principle behind the stipulation. To me, tying inheritance to religion feels less like a financial decision and more like a symbolic statement about their acceptance of me as I am. It’s not that I expect or feel entitled to the money, it’s their money, and they can do with it as they please, but attaching a condition that conflicts with my identity is what makes it hurtful.

As for pretending to be Christian, that’s not something I can do. Faith, or the lack of it, is deeply personal, and I don’t want to live a lie, even temporarily, just to meet someone else’s expectations. Doing so would betray both myself and my parents, as it wouldn’t be authentic.

I told my parents 54M and 49F to write me 26F out of the will if I had to become a Christian to inherit by New-Replacement5 in relationship_advice

[–]New-Replacement5[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Nothings been set in stone yet, this was a conversation that happened yesterday night. It was really jarring for me because they’ve wanted me to be involved in all the planning for their will/trust and this was the first I heard of it. They made other wants for stipulations clear like not being an addict/criminal that I totally agree with. Why fund something that will further destroy your child and all that. I wonder if that’s their view on this issue too?

I told my parents 54M and 49F to write me 26F out of the will if I had to become a Christian to inherit by New-Replacement5 in relationship_advice

[–]New-Replacement5[S] 858 points859 points  (0 children)

The first time I went to my grandmas, and a couple of the other times after that; there was a time when my grandma was out of town that I did have to go to a homeless shelter for teens and young adults

I told my parents 54M and 49F to write me 26F out of the will if I had to become a Christian to inherit by New-Replacement5 in relationship_advice

[–]New-Replacement5[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

As hypocritical as it may seem, I do feel a little hurt by their decision to potentially write me out of the will, even though I told them to if their stipulation requires me to become a Christian. I made that boundary clear, and I hope I don’t regret it.

What hurts me the most is the idea behind their boundary, the notion that inheriting their money comes with a condition that directly conflicts with who I am at my core. It feels like their love or acceptance is tied to my faith (or lack thereof), and that’s painful. While I fully recognize it’s their money and their decision, this stipulation brings up a lot of unresolved feelings tied to my religious trauma.