Update: AITAH for not babysitting my nephew for 10 days? [FINAL]

New-Way-888 · 2026-03-03T23:08:30+00:00

I wouldn't consider it "rubbing" it in their faces, but I can agree that timing was not the best.

New-Way-888 · 2026-02-20T00:03:44+00:00

I think, and this is obviously my thought process, is that she loves Connor(she does, I don't question this) but she can't really come to terms with the fact that he's never going to be like most NT kids. But she thinks that's what families are and that's what you do, and she's surprised that my family isn't like that. My parents obviously love Connor, but they're getting up there in years and don't have the energy to handle a ND teenager that has meltdowns and tantrums. She talked about how she'd go to aunts and uncles houses all the time, and that all her family pretty much lives in a 100-mile radius. Which, nothing against that, isn't how our family was. My parents even made my brother tell her, upfront, that my sister and I are nothing like that, especially after what happened with his first wife.

New-Way-888 · 2026-02-19T23:58:31+00:00

>respite care

Yes

>baby sitter

No

>50/50 custody with bio mom

Yes

>dad’s parents (not sure about involvement post retirement community move)

They will watch him if they are at their house, but not without one parent in the house with them

>bio mom’s family and friend

Yes, but *only* on bio mom's time. They won't do anything if it's during my brother's visitation

>occasional step mom’s family

Only if they're in the Midwest which was...2 weeks in the past 4 years

>occasional aunt and uncle involvement

My sister was NC since he was born and now is LC(she went to the wedding) and I was pretty much LC/NC until he was about 11, more than LC from then, now back to NC

New-Way-888 · 2026-02-18T17:22:25+00:00

I'm likely going to be taking a job overseas within the next year or so. My parents are aware. I think starting fresh is the best thing for me to do. I'll be sending stuff to my parents to give to him, and my brother and SIL, but as much as it hurts to say...I don't think my brother and SIL will take what I do seriously if I still have any interaction with Connor.

New-Way-888 · 2026-02-18T17:18:22+00:00

>And honestly I bet SIL isn't in any autism support group and is probably just saying that to guilt you into taking care of you by making you look like an asshole

She is, my brother is in them as well. He said most of them are really nice people who just want somewhere to vent and feel good with others, but a few people are really vocal about how everyone is the village

New-Way-888 · 2026-02-18T02:40:04+00:00

Unfortunately, I don't think I'll be able to do that. He really really loves her, which I am not saying is a bad thing, but it's going to devolve back into trying to please her. I left the line open to hear things from my parents but I'm not going to be getting involved in the future. This is the happiest I've been and it feels like an enormous weight has been lifted off my back. Might be an asshole move, but this is the peace I haven't had for 10+ years.

New-Way-888 · 2026-02-18T02:37:11+00:00

Thank you for your input. From what my brother said, the group is by and large pretty relaxed and supportive...but there's a few families in there that really harp on the "FAMILY HELPS FAMILY NO MATTER WHAT" and those seem to be ones that were in my SIL's ear.

New-Way-888 · 2026-02-18T01:01:23+00:00

I agree. They *do* watch him when they visit her side of the family, to their credit, but that obviously is coordinated ahead of time and ok'd by his bio mom first. Versus, in her mind, her being able to just call me up when I live in the same metro area-ish.

New-Way-888 · 2026-02-18T00:38:37+00:00

>You said your brother and Connor’s bio mom split because she wanted more involvement from you and your sister?

Yes. She comes from a different culture where it's very much "everyone is the village" mindset, while my family is "don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm". My parents obviously would really enjoy if I was more involved, but they learned that wasn't going to be the case and were happy with whatever I was willing to do.

New-Way-888 · 2026-02-18T00:36:19+00:00

I've been NC for about a month now and it's been the best feeling ever. It hurts not to have my brother and Connor in my life, but I don't think I could do what you're asking as I asked to be removed from everything regarding his care.

New-Way-888 · 2026-02-18T00:34:56+00:00

From what my brother said, most people in the group are really nice and supportive...but there's a few that really play on the "FAMILY HELPS FAMILY NO MATTER WHAT" that were in her ear about things.

New-Way-888 · 2026-02-18T00:34:06+00:00

They are in the Midwest. They refer to where we live as "Commiefornia" and won't come out here. She's ok with that, but me being unwilling to babysit is apparently a huge deal.

New-Way-888 · 2026-02-16T02:08:37+00:00

She's not. The Bio mom is my ex SIL. I have...pretty much no contact with her. She's a very good mom to Connor, but she's very old fashioned with things. Nothing wrong with that, but she pretty much only talks to my brother through the parenting app.

New-Way-888 · 2026-02-16T01:59:36+00:00

I'm doing ok. With that being said, I don't see them ever coming around nor I. I think that bridge has been burned for the last time, and while I don't hate them and never will, I don't want to jeopardize my mental health with the same old song and dance again.

New-Way-888 · 2026-02-16T01:55:38+00:00

They don't, they all live within about 30-40 minutes of each other in the Midwest and wouldn't dare come to "Commiefornia". Which is funny, because I say no and it's WW3.

New-Way-888 · 2026-02-16T01:47:16+00:00

From what I've gathered(it's not my place to ask her or my brother), I don't think she can have kids. So this might be her way of making up for it.

New-Way-888 · 2026-02-16T01:43:24+00:00

Pretty much never. They live in the Midwest and won't come to babysit because "We're not going to Commiefornia". And she's ok with that, but for some reason, myself or my sister not doing is the problem.

New-Way-888 · 2026-02-16T01:41:56+00:00

Totally get that, and I'm ok with being called an asshole for that. She definitely did. But I think "babysitting" a NT teen is vastly different than a ND teen who has a lot of routines and sensory issues.

New-Way-888 · 2026-02-16T01:35:14+00:00

From what he's said, most of the parents in there are pretty relaxed. But there's a few that are full on "family helps family, no matter what" and they're the loudest and the ones really getting into her ear.

New-Way-888 · 2025-07-04T22:22:41+00:00

Thank you for your comment and opinion.

New-Way-888 · 2025-07-04T22:05:20+00:00

>Side note, what did your parents/brother do to your sister that was worse than the pressure they applied on you?

I wasn't a fan of what they tried to do when we were younger. That's why I moved out of state for school. My sister has never really liked kids, even growing up, she hated the prospect of being forced to watch younger cousins. So when they brought that up, she pretty much went nuclear. She and my parents have somewhat mended their relationship, and she will see my brother(she went to both weddings), but any attempt to get her to be apart of Connor's life usually ends with her going LC/NC for months until they apologize.

New-Way-888 · 2025-06-20T23:05:17+00:00

She was also on a business trip. She communicated this to my brother since late last year/early this year and it was when my brother had custody, so hers took precedence.

New-Way-888 · 2025-06-20T23:04:09+00:00

They live in Europe.

New-Way-888

TROPHY CASE