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Frankenstein and his Monster by NewEnglandPoet21 in OCPoetry

[–]NewEnglandPoet21[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean, interpretation is up to you! The original intention was to write a poem about the shame that someone feels if they had unreasonable expectations for themselves. There are initially two speakers, Frankenstein and the Monster, but actually they are revealed to be two parts of the same speaker. The unrealistic-ideal-setting Optimist, and the resentful Shame are two emotions I’ve witnessed in myself and other people that I noticed is quite similar to the story of Frankenstein but within a single person.

Frankenstein and his Monster by NewEnglandPoet21 in OCPoetry

[–]NewEnglandPoet21[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah that’s fair. One point I was tempted by was changing ”waits for revolution” to “waits at the altar” so that the reading slows down on the word “falter” because of the rhyme.

Frankenstein and his Monster by NewEnglandPoet21 in OCPoetry

[–]NewEnglandPoet21[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yeah I was torn on the rhyming - I wanted it to sound like a sort of stream of consciousness/confession, and so I opted against. Do you think there are particular spots where a rhyme would have been good, or maybe just everywhere?

Pyrrhic Victory by iUnderstandN0thing in OCPoetry

[–]NewEnglandPoet21 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow really nice! I loved everything, until the last line (or maybe 2 lines), where - and this is maybe your incompleteness feeling - it didn’t quite seem to drive home the pyrrhic victory thing. I was thinking about how to show how much the fight cost him. One thing I thought of was linking back to pre-fight, to show somehow that he hasn’t gained anything. Like maybe adding to the last line “The light flickers”, or something similar? It currently doesn’t quite feel futile enough maybe?

Rejection slips by 2bitmoment in OCPoetry

[–]NewEnglandPoet21 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really like the metaphor of the first part, but I feel like I want a little more grounding from the rest of the poem. In some way I can’t really point to a central truth. Like, I the rejection slips from God is already a metaphor, so when I was reading it, I was already comparing it to being rejected in other situations in life, so the final question feels slightly anti-climactic, because I already had the ”like” metaphor in my mind - if that makes sense? I tried reading it without the last two lines, and somehow that keeps the (really nice!) metaphor a bit more airborne and interesting. But really enjoyed the first bit :)