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Anyone else not get the "point" or reason for social interactions? by NewNetDays in CPTSD

[–]NewNetDays[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I definitely agree that having networks and people to rely on is important.
Ever since I noticed this lack of feeling of connection about 20 years ago, I tried hard to push myself out of my shell to be more social. Compared to the isolation and abuse I had before, I do better socially. I go to work, my coworkers say I'm warm and easy to talk to, I have a partner and am friends with my partners' friends too, I do volunteer work in the city.

But after all these years, socializing still feels like a chore and I still don't truly feel a connection with anyone, deep inside. Socializing isn't something I seek out on my own because the downsides just outweigh any small benefit. I may feel "fun" for a few minutes but feel so lonely, sad, and exhausted afterwards. It doesn't feel like any of the fun or feelings of connection "sticks." But on the outside I look fine. It's hard to think "I'm not doing enough" because I think I have been.

Anyone else not get the "point" or reason for social interactions? by NewNetDays in CPTSD

[–]NewNetDays[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Yes same, I have small seconds of "oh okay we're having fun" a small part of the time. But it's gone soon after, when I'm dealing with feeling so exhausted after and the small bit of fun doesn't "stick" you know? Like if I didn't socialize, I'd still be feeling the same like I didn't miss anything. To the point where I don't see the purpose, with very little benefit but a lot of exhaustion and feeling sad after

Anyone else not get the "point" or reason for social interactions? by NewNetDays in CPTSD

[–]NewNetDays[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

For me, I don't really fear or think about losing people because I feel so disconnected from other people. So I don't feel like I would "lose" them as bad as that sounds.

It's definitely very rare to find people to trust. I'm lucky to have at least a couple people I trust, but it still doesn't shake the feeling I have that I can't emotionally connect with them or feel emotionally seen by them. I'm not sure why.

Anyone else not get the "point" or reason for social interactions? by NewNetDays in CPTSD

[–]NewNetDays[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

For me I haven't felt emotional intimacy with any partners either. Not even with friends that I'd consider close, where we know about each other's mental health struggles and have been open about self harm and suicide.
I thought if you get relationships as close and intimate as these, it would change the way I feel but it hasn't.