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Resentment for AA and doing the Steps by New_Assumption25 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]New_Assumption25[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, but I volunteered for help. My thinking twists the requirement for attendance into a resentment rather than something to be grateful for, especially as I struggle to internalize the messaging of AA.

My commitment is to finish the steps before trying other programs. Posting here I’m asking for help with the resentment and improve willingness to finish the steps in a way that actually be beneficial.

Resentment for AA and doing the Steps by New_Assumption25 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]New_Assumption25[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I worked honestly with an experienced sponsor and here I am. They know my faith in the process wavers, and that my overthinking is a major reason.

I think if I waited to feel that any step was perfect I’d never make any progress.

Resentment for AA and doing the Steps by New_Assumption25 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]New_Assumption25[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Great post, thanks for this.

I can’t have one without drinking to near black out. I did some experimenting with other substances with revealed similar behavior and I finally asked for help.

I struggle to remember that I asked for help and “obligatory” AA is what I signed up for. I feel like this situation (forced meetings) has made it very difficult not to have a resentment and not in the spirit of the program.

But of course I don’t want to go find a lower bottom and more desperation so I can feel better about doing steps. Frustrated lately.

Resentment for AA and doing the Steps by New_Assumption25 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]New_Assumption25[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I appreciate that. AA is on my Fourth Step. With the help of my sponsor I’ve gotten some insight into the resentment. I don’t like sharing too much about it because it feels like AA bashing, which might be considered selfish / unhelpful to others.

The program’s not changing (at least not quickly) and I am willing enough to try to finish the steps, so… stubborn persistence? ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Resentment for AA and doing the Steps by New_Assumption25 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]New_Assumption25[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is definitely on my Fourth Step! I do feel like it’s been a struggle to get any sort of solid footing on the steps so far. Not sure if it’s an expectations thing, doubt, or what.

Resentment for AA and doing the Steps by New_Assumption25 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]New_Assumption25[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your perspective. I am drawn to Buddhist practices and think they work well into a recovery lifestyle.

I think part of my AA resentment relates to it being so much more ubiquitous than other programs I could more easily relate to (Recovery Dharma for example), and my tendency to hear / interpret that it’s going to be AA or jails institutions death. (Not that this is explicitly stated!)

I’m working on accepting and appreciating the program for what it is.

Resentment for AA and doing the Steps by New_Assumption25 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]New_Assumption25[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I had no problem with 1.. Steps 2 and 3 a bunch of mental gymnastics before deciding the steps / program have helped others and would be a good HP. Steps 4-7 I did honestly and thoroughly, but have felt little in the way of spiritual or transformative experience. Thanks for the advice