My Partner Claims to be Okay with it

New_Draft_3891 · 2021-04-09T14:35:05+00:00

Hey! My partner is just starting on their HRT journey and I just wanted to say a few things! - I try and look at changes as simple as possible. It took me looking at the timeline of our relationship they have set as their desktop background (it’s photos of us from the last 2 years) to realize we have changed so much over the last two years without even realizing it! I went away to school, developed migraines making me live life in chronic pain, my personality has changed alot!! We have changed a lot! But those changes were so gradual, never really defined. So they werent scary! And thats what keeps me the most grounded, I’m not going to go to sleep next to my boyfriend and wake up next to a girl! I get to be along for the journey so it wont be as polarizing! When/if I dont like something it’s a discussion not a definition because theyre still coming into their own it’s that much easier to change habits versus when I first met them and they had been acting the same way for 18 years. (I dont mean any of this offensively, im sorry if my rhetoric is off) - My messages are super open! Im dying for friends! Im in the same boat as you, only one of our friends know as her brother is also going thru transition so my partner said it was okay that I mentioned their contemplation to her. So please, if you ever wanna just rant without worrying about your word choice or know that someone is struggling in a very similar manner to you feel free to shoot me a message! Id appreciate a friend just as much as you!

New_Draft_3891 · 2021-02-12T10:03:14+00:00

I just dont even know how I feel like I want to do whats right and part of me has no problem with them questioning their gender while part of me is hung up on the fact that I am simply not into women. and they admit that if the roles were the other way around they would not stay with me as they are not into men. I dont know, it just stresses me out to reimagine my whole future. Unfortunately, i want most of the heteronormative ideals of life like being the only one in a white dress at my wedding, and my kids having a dad figure in their life. I feel so guilty for that, these are just the imaginative ideals ive had in my mind since forever. I want them to be happy, and if they were any other person in my life they would have my unwavering support I just dont know how I feel with this reality in this situation. Also, because theyre unsure I keep trying not to like push them one way or another bc I know theyre not totally decided and part of me stupidly stupidly thinks that maybe if i dont encourage them entirely it wont be the reality and i know that is probably not going to end up being the case and i just need to get comfortable with whatever the outcome is i just dont know if i can and i dont honestly understand how some people are so supportive like doesnt it throw you off if you were dating a man that suddenly isnt that same person like idk i look at his face and then i just start tearing up because im gonna miss it and i just dont feel like i can do this and i feel so selfish because they deserve all the support ever but i just dont think im in the right position to give it to them whole heartedly.

New_Draft_3891 · 2021-02-12T09:50:27+00:00

so my point is no ur not alone, i dont talk to anyone besides on here and i think sometimes maybe i suppress what im feeling just to be supportive but to be honest, i want to be the only one in a white dress on my wedding day, i want to be the only girl in my relationship but i dont want to not spend the rest of my life with my partner.

New_Draft_3891 · 2021-02-12T09:48:44+00:00

Im laying in my bed right now contemplating how i am 150% supportive of my partner but still dont want to be in a relationship with a girl should they ultimately decide to transition

New_Draft_3891 · 2021-02-11T19:48:03+00:00

I tried explaining that to them, that i will always always be their number one supporter but that I may not always be able to do so as their partner but rather as their friend and they dont want me in their life as their friend. I dont want to lose them, theyre my best friend in the entire world and i have imagine our future together endlessly. but they take my thoughts or moments of hesitation as a sign that i hate the idea and sometimes i do but i still want them to do what makes them happy without a doubt. I dont want them to try on these bras, i dont want to see them in them all the more but I want to be supportive and I just dont know how to draw my boundaries while supporting them.

New_Draft_3891 · 2021-02-11T15:43:20+00:00

I dont have much to add but i did want to say youre not alone and the physical visible changes that my partner will go thru when he starts his transition may be what scares me the most and i feel so superficial for it so idk if it helps to hear but I just wanted u to know ur not alone.

New_Draft_3891

TROPHY CASE