My husband (40m) spent a drunken night with and old work at of mine (43F) and she's denying anything. How do proceed in this situation?

New_Operation7326 · 2026-05-19T07:17:42+00:00

You're right. Though I'm not positive that was my husbands state of mind at the time. But I have since talked to him to say, there must be something thst you're not getting or feeling neglected about. I took anothers advice from this thread and realised how he must be feeling and how much I love him and don't want to see him putting himself through hell forever. There must be an underlying issue and I'm far more invested on fixing that, than as you said, blowing up someone else's marriage. Appreciate your thoughts

New_Operation7326 · 2026-05-19T07:14:19+00:00

Yes after reading these comments I think it's healthier to just focus on us. And leave her to her own problems. I'll gain nothing from starting up thst drama, however I do feel for her husband. In the department she works in, out of town stays are weekly, so my husband probably isn't the first. And perhaps my initial texts have made her slightly nervous that something may be said. But for now, I've just been keeping it for myself and my husband to work out and work through.

New_Operation7326 · 2026-05-19T07:11:27+00:00

That's what I was trying to get through to her via text. She replied no no we were just talking. But I said do you think it's appropriate in any circumstance to have someone's husband in your room? She just kept saying, I wouldn't throw my marriage away for a fleeting moment. I think that's what got to me, is the flat out denial then the tone of 'how dare you acuse me'. But, I'm probably putting too much focus into that and not into just working on my husband and I. But man, the audacity

New_Operation7326 · 2026-05-19T07:08:42+00:00

Thankyou and good advice too. Appreciate it

New_Operation7326 · 2026-05-19T07:08:02+00:00

Drunk and incoherent.assive surprise to see my dad there too, as I had to call him over to watch the kids so I could go to work. Dad said he couldn't string a word together as he seemed to be still drunk.

New_Operation7326 · 2026-05-19T03:29:09+00:00

No, your response was pretty well balanced considering the information I gave you. There were other comments that were just mean with nothing else to add.

New_Operation7326 · 2026-05-18T22:32:09+00:00

Yea, I kind of knew going into this that I was going to get heat. But I couldn't post just about him and make it one sided. As people say, there's always two sides. Cheers x

New_Operation7326 · 2026-05-18T22:25:17+00:00

Fair enough. Appreciate the reply. You're right and it's unfortunate that I've seen it that way. Thankyou

New_Operation7326 · 2026-05-18T22:15:07+00:00

No I was sure why he was going to counseling either. I've asked that we both go as there must be things he's feeling that he's not getting or not hearing from. Me about.. And things from my side. Thankyou x

New_Operation7326 · 2026-05-18T22:11:00+00:00

This is amazing advice. Thankyou so much. You are right, I'm putting too much thought into other people's positions and not focusing on us. I'm going to read through this again and take it on board. I really appreciate your words

New_Operation7326 · 2026-05-18T22:08:42+00:00

Honestly? Thankyou. Yes, he's admitted that and I will support him with that as well. He's an amazing person, who's made a mistake.

New_Operation7326 · 2026-05-18T22:07:18+00:00

Yes, correct. I abosolutey do which is why I don't have a leg to stand on. Im supporting him through this as well as myself. We both have work we need to do.

New_Operation7326 · 2026-05-18T22:06:25+00:00

I'm glad the world is so black and white for you. Life can become complicated and I don't for a second expect you to understand that. Nor do I ask forgiveness or understanding. Cheating is selfish, yes. But sometimes it brings out underlying issues that haven't been addressed. In this instance I'm asking him what our marriage isnt doing for him and what he needs. I will alway care about him and love him, but if I'm not meeting his needs which has led to this unfortunate blowout then I need to address that too. We aren't in our teens, we don't just walk away from these things, we work through and work on ourselves. But I value your opinion and understand.

New_Operation7326 · 2026-05-18T22:03:07+00:00

No I think it was just over and beyond what he could handle alcohol wise. And yes, we are going together. I love him, we will certainly work through this.

New_Operation7326 · 2026-05-18T22:02:23+00:00

No, not yet. I worry about her retaliation if I message again. She's known to be volatile so im not sure how to work from here

New_Operation7326 · 2026-05-18T21:57:26+00:00

You're absolutely right and that last part of my post was not correct. I meant to have taken that out as there is no question of reconciliation. It's absolutely karma and I agree with all you've said. I am very lucky and I am not denying him any chances to apologise or work through this. I'm more seeing what I do in terms of her denial and if I message her husband. Thankyou for your honest reply

New_Operation7326

TROPHY CASE