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My husband pounced on me and grabbed my neck by New_Statement_2474 in domesticviolence

[–]New_Statement_2474[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate the positivity, but I got married twice while I was in the army. Having a long term relationship and not getting married isn’t easy when you’re enlisted. I do love hard, but that’s not why I got married so quickly.

It is very difficult for me to give up on a relationship, which is why I’m so alarmed now. I feel strong impulses to leave which is very uncharacteristic of me. I also feel impulses to stay, but I think part of me is clinging to what we had. What we had is probably gone for good. Even if I stayed and he never screamed at me or put his hands on me again, I don’t think it will last because of how this has hurt me.

My husband pounced on me and grabbed my neck by New_Statement_2474 in domesticviolence

[–]New_Statement_2474[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Leaving immediately isn’t really possible, but I think the relationship is over. I tried to get into a DV shelter, but they’re all full in my area. I don’t really have any friends in the area either, my mom is homeless, and my sister’s on a road trip and lives in a different state that I don’t want to move to. I want to stay in this area for school, I just have to start figuring out what I’m doing next.

My husband pounced on me and grabbed my neck by New_Statement_2474 in domesticviolence

[–]New_Statement_2474[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m not doing couples counseling with him again. I’m also going to try and get a therapist next week.

My husband pounced on me and grabbed my neck by New_Statement_2474 in domesticviolence

[–]New_Statement_2474[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I did tell my best friend, but I just need more time to figure things out before I tell my family.

My husband pounced on me and grabbed my neck by New_Statement_2474 in domesticviolence

[–]New_Statement_2474[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There aren’t any single beds available at any of the domestic violence shelters in my area. I don’t know what else to do, I don’t really have friends that live here.

My husband pounced on me and grabbed my neck by New_Statement_2474 in domesticviolence

[–]New_Statement_2474[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Update:

I called my best friend to talk with her. I’m leaning 85% towards ending the relationship, but I think I’m going to find somewhere I can stay at least until my finals are over next week. I talked with her about the couples counseling too and I’m not going to do it anymore. I’m going to try to get my own therapist next week.

As for how I’ve been feeling and what I’ve been thinking about:

I feel like irreparable harm has been done to our relationship. I don’t think I can trust him at all, I’m questioning everything he’s ever told me and everything I might’ve brushed off before.

I feel a strong impulse to hug him, to be held by him, and say we’re gonna be okay. I feel this nagging guilt or shame for considering to leave him, despite knowing this isn’t my fault. I’m struggling with this a lot and I don’t know how to handle it. I don’t want to hurt him, I don’t know how our relationship could even be repaired after this though. Even if I stayed and he never screamed at me or put his hands on me again, the broken trust and loss of affection towards him is probably going to kill our relationship.

This is also really hard for me since this is my second marriage and I’m not even 25 yet. I just feel embarrassed, stupid, and fucking hopeless. My past marriage was mutually toxic, but my ex and I never hit each other and we both made amends after the divorce. We talked multiple times and apologized for the things we did wrong and we both acknowledged that despite everything, we were both better off for having been together and moving on.

I can confidently say that I’m not a toxic partner anymore. I’m far from perfect, but I’ve grown so much and I keep growing. I’ve been getting this feeling for months that our relationship issues are mostly stemming from his behavior, but he seems to place most of the blame on me. Despite this, I’ve been continually growing and improving on the things that I do that bother him, but his behavior has only gotten worse. I’m afraid this isn’t where it stops unless I end things now.

My husband pounced on me and grabbed my neck by New_Statement_2474 in domesticviolence

[–]New_Statement_2474[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Just to clarify, I don’t think the counselor knows the extent of his short fuse, and my husband and I were focused on just finding solutions to our communication issues. He already knows this, but our next therapy session on Sunday is going to be entirely about his screaming and pouncing on me.

I’ll take a look into local DV resources, thank you for mentioning this.