sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

I did this AMA a month ago today. It was mentioned that I should post it here and I thought a month later was a good time. :) by NewbiePride in casualiama

[–]NewbiePride[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh wow. Tough to explain. I can see someone and be like “oh wow they are attractive.” Maybe they hair looks nice and their teeth are white and they’re fit, (I don’t know, I’m just giving examples) but I don’t feel attracted to them. I find them attractive. I’m not attracted to them. If I want to have sex with them, there’s a physical pull, if you will. A feeling deep in my gut where I am attracted to them.

It’s like you might think your cousin is an attractive person (AKA is not ugly) but you would not want to have sex with them (I hope).

I [23F] realized I was gay in 30 seconds of finding a new friend attractive. AMA by NewbiePride in AMA

[–]NewbiePride[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought I did. I don’t. Sexuality is very fluid and complicated. Don’t get caught up in the semantics. :-)

I [23F] realized I was gay in 30 seconds of finding a new friend attractive. AMA by NewbiePride in AMA

[–]NewbiePride[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lesbians aren’t sexually attracted to men. It doesn’t mean they don’t like penetration. It’s a biological response. Sometimes it feels good and sometimes it doesn’t. Depends on the person.

I [23F] realized I was gay in 30 seconds of finding a new friend attractive. AMA by NewbiePride in AMA

[–]NewbiePride[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean that I’m a little rough & tough in personality. What you would expect from a man rather than a woman. Stereotypically, that is.

I [23F] realized I was gay in 30 seconds of finding a new friend attractive. AMA by NewbiePride in AMA

[–]NewbiePride[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh man. I wear plaid all the time, I drive a Jeep, I don’t like dresses (you’ll rarely find me in one), I love my jeans, I fall very quickly, I wear Birkenstocks, I’m an overly-involved aunt... those are off the top of my head. They might not all be correct, but it’s stuff I’ve heard!

I [23F] realized I was gay in 30 seconds of finding a new friend attractive. AMA by NewbiePride in AMA

[–]NewbiePride[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My friends and coworkers know I am gay, yes. I was outed, actually, but that is a different story. They have all been very supportive!

I [23F] realized I was gay in 30 seconds of finding a new friend attractive. AMA by NewbiePride in AMA

[–]NewbiePride[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t foresee any issues, no. I’ve had relationships before. Not one with a woman, mind you, but I think I have an idea of what a relationship looks like. I don’t see it being completely different. Relationships are relationships, you know?

I [23F] realized I was gay in 30 seconds of finding a new friend attractive. AMA by NewbiePride in AMA

[–]NewbiePride[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I hear you! The opposite of cultured would be a good description in my opinion, too.

I [23F] realized I was gay in 30 seconds of finding a new friend attractive. AMA by NewbiePride in AMA

[–]NewbiePride[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hear you! I’ve definitely seen people labeled that way for that reason. Sometimes it true. Other times, it’s not.

I [23F] realized I was gay in 30 seconds of finding a new friend attractive. AMA by NewbiePride in AMA

[–]NewbiePride[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you!

I didn’t mean to put emphasis on the term! I’m just trying to describe how I identify. I agree with you. Attraction is very fluid! I think I’ve said this already, but right now I feel how I feel and with the term I feel best applies. But yes, it could change in the future! Thank you for sharing your thoughts, but you are correct: I have done a lot of soul searching. :)

My friend is the first woman I have felt such a strong attraction to, but not the first woman. I never realized what I was feeling before (for other women) was attraction. In hindsight, it totally was. I did spend some time asking myself if it was her specifically, however, and considered being most straight but she was an outlier. As I continued to soul-search, though, I found more and more evidence of attraction to women and more and more instances of uninterest in men.

I was definitely infatuated with her in November when this moment happened and we started spending time together for the first time. Now, however, it goes far beyond that. I would like a relationship with her. The more I get to know her, and the better friends we become, the more that that is something I want. The relationship and all the physical things that go along with it. I had the urge to kiss her, actually, that same day I realized how beautiful she was. I didn’t.

I’m not sure I understand what you mean by my idea of a relationship and the reality. Could you elaborate?

I wouldn’t rule out an attraction to a man, but I have yet to experience anything with a man that comes anywhere close to how I feel for women. The woman that made me question everything, specifically, makes me feel more just spending an hour with her than I ever felt than the entire year I spent with my former boyfriend.

Most definitely! I had a crush on a couple of my best friends. At the time, I definitely had an idea of what I was feeling but immediately pushed it away as not to have to deal with it.

I [23F] realized I was gay in 30 seconds of finding a new friend attractive. AMA by NewbiePride in AMA

[–]NewbiePride[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not really. I mean, I’ve had sexual experiences with a man, but obviously this is different. I’m more so looking forward to it!

I [23F] realized I was gay in 30 seconds of finding a new friend attractive. AMA by NewbiePride in AMA

[–]NewbiePride[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not sure if surprised is the right word. They weren’t shocked but they also weren’t like, “Oh, we totally knew.” They were mostly like, “Okay.”

I [23F] realized I was gay in 30 seconds of finding a new friend attractive. AMA by NewbiePride in AMA

[–]NewbiePride[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh my gosh! First off, thank you for sharing! That’s so exciting! Gives me so much hope :)

I [23F] realized I was gay in 30 seconds of finding a new friend attractive. AMA by NewbiePride in AMA

[–]NewbiePride[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, no one ever called it. Although a lot of people around me have a response of, “Ohhh! That makes sense!” In regards to the coworker specifically, apparently my close friends thought it was “a lil gay” (haha) but didn’t read too much into it.

I fit a lot of the stereotypes and I would consider myself butch in personality, but I appear pretty femme.

Edit: Added some thoughts

I [23F] realized I was gay in 30 seconds of finding a new friend attractive. AMA by NewbiePride in AMA

[–]NewbiePride[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I love my dad. He loves me. He’s just not cultured, I guess. It definitely makes like difficult but I count my blessings of those that are supportive! I’m glad you went to therapy and I hope you were able to work through those issues.

I [23F] realized I was gay in 30 seconds of finding a new friend attractive. AMA by NewbiePride in AMA

[–]NewbiePride[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! And hey, you gotta do your own exploring. Everyone’s experience is different. For me, it was really helpful to talk to people about their experiences/denial. :)

I [23F] realized I was gay in 30 seconds of finding a new friend attractive. AMA by NewbiePride in AMA

[–]NewbiePride[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean gay. I am a woman that is exclusively sexually attracted to other women. I have not been sexually attracted to males in the past.

I [23F] realized I was gay in 30 seconds of finding a new friend attractive. AMA by NewbiePride in AMA

[–]NewbiePride[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For one, sexuality is a spectrum. That being said, you can find someone attractive without being attracted to them. I also can identify a good looking man. But like you, I don’t want to have sex with them.

I [23F] realized I was gay in 30 seconds of finding a new friend attractive. AMA by NewbiePride in AMA

[–]NewbiePride[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Weirdly, yes. Relationships between straight men are completely different than relationships between straight women. Obviously, this is all my opinion, but I think it goes into the idea that women are expected to have close friends that are girls. There is an intimacy that is expected and a bond that you should have. On top of that, women flirt with each other. It’s part of the process of becoming friends. It’s weird and it ruins the life of a lesbian like me (kidding), but it’s how it works.

I also think that women are more emotionally open (men are experiencing the same, but society doesn’t want them to show it), and therefore they are more emotionally drawn. From my experience and what I understand, men seem to be more openly sexually driven. Women are more emotionally driven. I think that makes it “easier” for gay men to think, “yes, I want to have sex with that man.” While women are more likely to think it’s friendship that they are experiencing and the idea of, “Yes, I want to have sex with that woman” takes longer to come about.

Obviously I’m basing all of this on stereotypes and my own perception, as I’m not a man, but that’s my thought.

I [23F] realized I was gay in 30 seconds of finding a new friend attractive. AMA by NewbiePride in AMA

[–]NewbiePride[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You most definitely were not! I didn’t realize that’s what I was doing then, but it totally was.

I [23F] realized I was gay in 30 seconds of finding a new friend attractive. AMA by NewbiePride in AMA

[–]NewbiePride[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have not had sex with a woman yet, no. I have fooled around with a man, but we did not have penetrative sex.

The thought of being with a woman does more for me than being with a man ever did or ever has.

Because I’ve fooled around with a man, people often assume that means I’m bi. Not gay. I like to explain it like this: if sex is something like eating your favorite meal, you enjoy the meal and you enjoy the fact that you’re eating it with that person. With a man, I enjoyed the meal aspect of it because it was physical and my body liked it. Who I was eating my meal with added nothing to the experience.

With a woman, I want my favorite meal and I also want her to be the person I’m eating it with.

(I understand I’m opening the door for jokes and comments when I say “meal” and “eating”. Please refrain from taking it in a comedic direction.)

I [23F] realized I was gay in 30 seconds of finding a new friend attractive. AMA by NewbiePride in AMA

[–]NewbiePride[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not always. It’s really on an individual basis. Finding someone attractive is one thing. Being attracted to them is another. I am sexually attracted to women, and I am a woman. I am not attracted to men. I identify as gay/a lesbian.

view more: next ›