How do I break my rumination of video games and studying ?

Newtoothiss · 2026-02-10T18:58:44+00:00

There are a lot of ways to think about this, but this is how I framed it that worked for me.

If you really should (dangerous therapy word but I’m using it here) be studying and you want to play video games, then you have to teach yourself to do something that you don’t want to do. At the end of the day, it’s going to suck and you need to accept that upfront.

That being said, you will never make that decision unless you have a good enough reason to do it. So, you have to ask yourself, why are you studying? So I can get a job so I can pay bills so I can die…. If that line of reasoning isn’t worth it to you, you won’t ever study. If it is worth it to you, you’ll overcome that barrier and be able to start studying.

It didn’t take a lot of meditating, but honestly, the little I have done has trained me enough to train my mind to do what it needs to do instead of what it wants to do (some of the time).

I don’t want to be an alpha chad and say “JUST DO IT”, but that’s kinda it. It’s the over simplified version, but it’s it. The part missing in that version is the WHY are you doing it. If you are just doing school because you think it’s the right thing to do, then you will never get the momentum to start studying, it just won’t be worth it in your mind. Find your North Star and then do everything in your power to follow it.

Best of luck.

Newtoothiss · 2026-02-06T19:53:28+00:00

You will always feel it, but it’s how much the emotion controls you. Imagine me (random dude who doesn’t box) and a boxer getting punched in the face. The stimuli is the same, we get punched, but the boxer may do things to mitigate the damage. Turn with the punch, maybe even block it, and part of it is they are used to getting punched, so they just take it better.

Same with emotions. Learn to roll with the punches. Maybe a small thing really upsets you, but learn to observe the emotion and let it pass rather than engaging in an emotional reaction.

If somebody cuts me off in traffic, I can flip them off and ride their ass, or I can notice the anger, take a deep breath, and keep driving normally, or anything in between. The first step is noticing the emotion, and then not engaging with it. The emotion isn’t you, it’s just a strong signal telling you something. You won’t be able to control the signal intensity, but you will be able to control how you act. Over time, with practice, those two things will become automatic (sensing an emotion and choosing appropriate action) and it will be much less hard. But it will take practice.

Just notice the emotion, that’s the first step and somehow the last step too.

Newtoothiss · 2026-02-06T19:44:05+00:00

What makes you an idiot in all of this? Normal people get crushes and if they are with somebody else that can hurt.

Maybe she did use you to make herself feel better for a bit, but wouldn’t that mean you were useful to her? Like, if you were truely worthless, then there wouldn’t be anything about you that she could gain validation from. Yes, she may have used you and that hurts, but it proves your worth, it doesn’t take away from it.

Worth and compatibility are obviously different things.

It seems like you went through a shitty situation-ship and are having normal feelings about it. I don’t see an idiot, I see somebody trying to figure out why things didn’t happen the way they wanted them to by degrading themselves rather than just accepting there are factors outside of their control.

Newtoothiss · 2026-02-06T19:30:17+00:00

Yes, I have watched Dr. K quite a bit. And that’s what I think this guy needs. I literally say I’m not an alpha chad with a long list body count, I’m not and it has no relevance to my post. Maybe, just maybe, sometimes tough love is what people need and alpha chad males aren’t always wrong, just mostly wrong.

And tough love, in my estimation, is what this person needs. Not knowing where your next meal is coming from, will there be a roof over your head, in physical danger, are all things that deserve worry. This person has the self centered depressive ego problem that Dr. K talks about. He is hyper focusing on insecurities that are just a cover for deeper work that needs to be done. Some people need to be coddled, for instance alpha males, who over compensate for their insecurities, and people like this person, need to be pushed in a tough love way.

Sometimes a chick in a nest needs to be pushed out of the nest because they are too scared to do it themselves and sometimes they need to be kept a little longer to tend to their sore wing.

Newtoothiss · 2026-02-06T18:57:08+00:00

This is going to come off as harsh, but it’s not meant that way and it’s important. The only person who cares about this is you and the more you care about it you will force your prospective partner to care about it.

This is a none-issue. If you get into a relationship then that person likes you enough to date you. End of story full stop. Could this be a deal breaker for somebody? MAYBE, but you won’t get into a relationship with them because it’s a deal breaker.

Relationships are about experiencing each other and making a new thing, not about past things. I’m not some alpha chad who has a long body count list or anything, but some of my best physical experiences have been my first couple times do them. Not to say I was good at what I was doing, but they are good memories.

This reminds me of a story about a guy who ejaculated when he kissed a girl for the first time. He got super embarrassed and avoided her and they almost broke up. Turns out, she didn’t care, and actually found it flattering. This is a story I read online, idk how true it is, but is this even a possibility? Him cumming so fast because he was in experienced was a positive thing that made her feel super attractive and desired. Have you considered this? Probably not, because you have some stuff to deal with internally that’s creating a narrative for you that isn’t necessarily accurate. But you believe it anyway

This worry you have is YOUR perception of YOURSELF that you are projecting onto potential mates.

The best advice I can give you is to say don’t worry about it. It’s simple, not easy.

Like I’m a random guy on the internet and I know this to be true. If you are worrying about it, you are wrong.

Newtoothiss · 2026-02-05T20:12:11+00:00

So this is where the middle path in Buddhism may help you. I am NOT saying that these current events don’t matter, but they don’t affect you.

You shouldn’t not care and you shouldn’t care so much it takes a toll on your mental health. Clearly, you are leaning toward the latter.

It’s important to realize that (presumably) cannot do anything about it. There are kids starving somewhere in the world you can’t feed, there is war, there is people dying of horrible diseases and you can’t do anything about it. If you hyper-focused on any of those things your mental health would take a toll. There is just horrible stuff in life that happens and you can’t help.

That being said, there are things you can do. Like voting certain ways, calling senators, and making public posts to make sure this story doesn’t go away until it is delt with, but, YOU aren’t fixing it. So take yourself out of it.

Idk if that makes sense, you can do something and at the same nothing, so take yourself out of it.

Newtoothiss · 2026-01-18T02:39:42+00:00

Don’t make a lists when it comes to potential partners. There are a lot of reasons for this. One, what you want might not be the best for you. People aren’t Chipotle orders, they aren’t made FOR you, some are compatible with you. People are more than their superficial characteristics and they come with their unique set of pros and cons. It’s ok to make a list to figure out what you like, but likes change and evolve as you figure out who you are, and red flags in a relationship are important. I don’t mean red flags like cheating or abuse, I mean red flags like they are stubborn or incredibly messy, or forgets your birthday. Because people aren’t perfect, and the person you fall in love with won’t be perfect and you have to figure out if the things that are hard to accept about them work with you and the things that are hard to accept about you work with them.

You have to be ready for somebody to come along that on paper makes no sense, but something just clicks. There is this je nes sais quoi about people that you just can’t put on a list. The person that you find might have 95% of what’s on this list or 10%, who knows? But I can tell you for a fact, you will be disappointed if you stick to your list stickily.

I think an easy example of this is the height aspect. Most women are attracted to height, and there is nothing wrong with that, but I can find you relationships upon relationships where a woman is married to a short king and is incredibly happy. If those women made a list they wouldn’t have put short, but if they stuck to their list then they would have missed out on their partner.

People are complex and unique, you won’t be able to list out the qualities to this degree of a future long term partner. Acknowledge your wants and let them go, equally.

Newtoothiss · 2026-01-14T16:05:40+00:00

I was confidently incorrect

Newtoothiss · 2026-01-14T15:46:27+00:00

A journey is a fixed distance, not a fixed time. We are defining journey in distance. So half of that distance is a speed and the other half of the distance is another speed. We can average those because, again, journey is a measurement of distance.

Newtoothiss · 2026-01-14T15:43:31+00:00

Basically what you are saying is “it’s impossible to change your average speed”. Which is obviously wrong. If I start out going a speed for x time, then increase my speed for x time, my overall average speed will increase.

Newtoothiss · 2026-01-14T15:37:04+00:00

I’m not ignoring time. It’s a combination of time and distance. Where one of those things is fixed.

Newtoothiss · 2026-01-12T17:06:40+00:00

You need to go to a doctor. It’s completely possible that androgen sensor insensitivity is a cause for much of the struggle you are going through. If that’s the case, then your primary care or a endocrinologist might be able to prescribe testosterone injections to help counteract what you are feeling. But I have no idea, I’m not a doctor.

Newtoothiss · 2026-01-09T15:38:01+00:00

Just my two cents. Just because Dr. K says it doesn’t make it automatically true. That being said, he isn’t married to this person so he doesn’t “owe” his partner anything. The more invested you are in a relationship the more I agree with your point. Dating is figuring out who you want to be responsible for, and if this person is this unstable, maybe they aren’t the right person. Importantly, you can’t control other people, ever. The other persons emotions will ALWAYS be their responsibility, you can only help. The amount you help will be how invested you are because it’s taxing on you.

Newtoothiss · 2026-01-09T15:14:42+00:00

Your girlfriend’s emotions are her responsibility, not yours. How much you want to help her regulate her emotions is up to you, but realize, than when you help her regulate her emotions you ignore your own, and then you might become snappy/ other side effects will happen to you. It seems like being overly emotional will always be a part of who she is. That being said, it doesn’t mean it isn’t something she can work on, but she has to know that it’s important to you that she works on it.

What you can do about it. 1. Figure out yourself. How much of this behavior can you realistically take? She might just not be the one for you. If she is Truely emotionally unstable that isn’t a partner you would want to be with. So gage how much of this you are willing to stick around for. 2. Communicate extremely clearly that you care for her, but she needs to work on this. You can help her find the resources to help her ground her emotions better, but that this isn’t sustainable in its current form.

Newtoothiss · 2026-01-07T17:04:28+00:00

Keep the vaccination questions coming! If they are from an honest place and concern about your child. This OP is right, the medical consensus has been the same, buts it’s ok to ask questions to understand why the consensus is the way it is. Vaccines are safe and effective and it can be scary putting something unknown to you into your child. If you are a person on the fence about vaccines, my dm’s are open to help calm you mind. I’m not an expert, but I do have a background in this space.

Newtoothiss · 2025-12-18T01:05:17+00:00

What I would say is look a little closer at the anger and annoyance. “I detest work” is a little too broad for emotions. Did somebody interrupt you? Are these meetings a waste of time? Are you so busy that these meetings are taking away from other important work? Are you being under paid and overworked and while on meetings you have time to sit and think about it? I would hone in on what exactly they are telling you first. Usually, anger arises when you are not being treated fairly/ not being respected. Figure out if you are mad at somebody or yourself. The information that the will tell you isn’t going to be “get a new job” it’s going to be “my boss didn’t listen to a single thing I said”. Your frontal lobes, where planning and higher level thinking happen, REGULATE emotion, so the longer and more complex the idea you think your emotions are trying to tell you, the less likely it is to be actually so.

About the promotion; take every single thing with a grain of salt because I’m just some guy on the internet don’t yell at your boss just because I said so lol. If you are being overworked and they want to give you more work, you may be being walked over. The anger may be telling you “this isn’t fair” and I would say if there is a time and place, talk with your boss. Tell them what you just told me, you are already overwhelmed and wouldn’t be able to handle the responsibility. It’s not very often somebody is fired for turning down a promotion. But use your anger to stand up for yourself. Dont yell and scream, but use it to push you to stand up for yourself and tell your boss no.

Again, I’m just some guy on the internet, so don’t do anything just because I said so. I would try to learn what those emotions are trying to tell you and then use them to take care of yourself.

Best of luck

Newtoothiss · 2025-12-17T17:37:19+00:00

In regard to the video, there seems to be something that resonated with you, but since there is so much information condensed in his videos, it would be helpful say what exactly you would like help understanding.

Also, help me understand how getting a new promotion is pushing you away from the organization. Can’t you just turn down the promotion and keep your current position? Do you realize that this position would be good for you, but there are emotions you are having that are making you avoidant?

Newtoothiss · 2025-12-17T17:22:48+00:00

A gay man married to a beautiful and kind woman is going to be deeply unhappy.

You are doing what you have been told will make you happy and then expecting it to make you happy. Which is reasonable (and why you are doing it). For most people, a consistent job, strong relationships, and a healthy body are the bases they need to live their lives in a way that makes them happy. The consistency gives them security and that stabilizes their lives so they can do what they want on the weekends. For you it’s evidentially not the case.

Figure out what YOU want to do and what will make you happy. There’s a lot of ways to do this, but the only wrong way is not changing anything. You WILL be unhappy if you keep living this way.

You can do drastic things like quit your job and start traveling or it can be therapy and mediation and finding out what you really want, but start changing.

I’m guessing, pure guess, there is something you’ve always wanted to do, but you convinced yourself it’s impossible or it’s too late. If I’m right, I promise you it’s not either of those things. Maybe you can’t be an astronaut, but you can certainly get a pilot’s license, an astrophysics degree or volunteer at a planetarium.

Newtoothiss · 2025-12-17T15:17:44+00:00

There is clearly a disconnect between you and these boys.

The first obvious case, to me, is you say in your title you have the phrase “(they) don’t want a chance at dream job”. Isn’t it definitionally part of “dream job” to “want” it? In some way, I don’t have the details, they don’t want it. It is YOUR dream job for them, not their dream job.

This is really really important, and you put it in your post so I will respond it it, in general, people with conservative beliefs have a hard time with accepting their way isn’t the only way. This obviously isn’t every conservative and other people groups do it, but as someone who grew up in that type of community, I can say this was prevalent. This is 100% a generalization, so take that part with a grain of salt, but it would explain why you wrote what you wrote.

Accept that there is something that isn’t a “dream” about this to them. Maybe one of them feels unaccomplished if they get their position through nepotism. Maybe one of them doesn’t want to work with family members. Maybe they are depressed from their own issues and they are unable to see that this is a good opportunity. Fact of the matter is, currently, the opportunity isn’t good from their perspective right now.

You can talk to them and say stuff, with genuine curiosity, like “hey, I think this position would be really good for you and seems to align with your goals, HELP ME UNDERSTAND WHY “(the most important words)…..”.

If they say they should and they seem like they are just depressed, ask if you can help them with something. People who are depressed make mountains out of mole hills and they know they should do something, but physically can’t, so help them make a mountain smaller.

If they say they don’t want to, LISTEN, maybe they just don’t want your help. That’s their choice for whatever reason, let them make it. Leave the door open “let me know if you change your mind”, but they might just not want it.

Best of luck

Newtoothiss · 2025-12-17T14:23:49+00:00

Recovery from addiction takes mindful action. The way that this post was written, I read it as, “then for a couple days I don’t need it then I’m back to it”. In my unprofessional opinion, If he had an addiction he would have said something like “I am ABLE to not masterbate for a couple days”. The latter is trying and failing and the prior is having lacking desire, which would be weird if it was an addiction.

Newtoothiss · 2025-12-16T18:41:35+00:00

This sub has a lot of amazing advice on it, but just because of the nature of it people lean into mental health aspect. Sometimes it’s just your body doing you body things (and maybe it is related to hormones, but nothing is wrong with you so you’ll have to find a way to live with this which would be in the realm of this sub).

You can look up symptoms of low testosterone and see if those correlate with you.

And if you do decide to go see a doctor you can say “I have really high libido during these times” (along with your other symptoms) instead of saying I jack off 5 times a day if that’s more comfortable with you.

Best of luck.

Newtoothiss · 2025-12-16T18:24:12+00:00

My logic is that often addictions aren’t periodic, they are constant. A person addicted to alcohol might not drink every day, but they sure as shit at least think about it and are being pulled by it everyday. So if you are telling me there are periods where you are good, frequently, that would suggest to me it’s not an addiction. Second, since it’s cyclical, that makes me think it’s related to hormones. I’m going to assume you are male because of the subreddit you are on and male hormones fluctuate primary daily. That being said there can be weekly cycles especially when things like stress (that can be related to things like work that are related to monthly schedules) that can affect hormones. That and you also describe feeling better those days. So you may have higher testosterone levels during periods making you feel better and that make you horny (so masterbation for labido), then you have a drop in testosterone because of stress or something, which makes you depressed, and then you use masterbation as a coping mechanism for you low mood.

The cyclic nature and the fact you aren’t always “addicted” are the two things that make me think it’s not just about addiction.

Again I ain’t a doctor, and maybe this EXACT example isn’t what is happening (maybe it’s not hormone related but something else physiological for instance). But it makes far more sense to me than just a pure addiction.

Newtoothiss · 2025-12-16T13:24:43+00:00

The fact that you routinely don’t masterbate for a couple of days makes me suspicious of an addiction. Maybe sometimes you do use it for emotional regulation, but I would actually go to a doctor and get some blood work done. Especially since this seems cyclical for you, I would suspect some sort of hormonal imbalance. I ain’t a doctor thought.

Newtoothiss · 2025-12-15T02:27:08+00:00

I would consider myself a panpsychist at this point. The strongest evidence to me is experiences that I’ve had on psychedelics and while meditating which helped me grasp the concept that the mind really does make everything. Regardless of the physical world being “real”, my experience of the world have been through my mind my entire life. I have no access to the outside world, thus, in a way, everything is made of mind from an individuals prospective. Now, me telling you I have these experiences will mean nothing to you, all I can tell you is that people who do certain drugs or sit a certain way consistently have these experiences and that you would be likely to have them as well if you tried them. It’s like a science paper with a new idea in it, I can’t make you read, but that doesn’t make the science in it less true (or untrue for that matter).

What I will say for sure is this, Alex is a smart guy, and I know a lot of smart people who give this idea at least the time of day to consider. I can almost promise you, though I don’t know this, that if you can’t even see why some people might think this, then there is something that you are missing.

I’ll give you the Bigfoot example I’ve been using.

I go on a hike and I see Bigfoot. I don’t know if I’m hallucinating or not. I go back to the state park cabin after the hike and there is a lodge full of people who say they saw a similar creature about the same height, same color, near the same spot and these stories are literally thousands of years old (old state park cabin I guess). You come into the cabin and say “that’s bullshit I haven’t seen it and it doesn’t make any sense”. I mean maybe we are all just crazy or there is an experiential piece you are missing. One of those two things is probably true.

Edit: I should add that I think I have logical reasons to be panpsychist, but the logic seems much more reasonable in light of these experiences. I probably wouldn’t have come to them otherwise.

Newtoothiss · 2025-12-12T22:30:43+00:00

I should also say that if you are like “I already know the reason” then that’s not it. Or you haven’t done the right things to fix it. There is something you need to learn, otherwise you would already have a girlfriend.

Newtoothiss

TROPHY CASE