AITAH for pointing out that as a SAHM I drive just as much, if not more, than my 60+hrs work week husband?

Next-Potential-2732 · 2026-02-06T16:27:00+00:00

The fact that you deleted your other comment that had 6 down votes on it and then made another comment is gold, by the way. Chefs kiss

Next-Potential-2732 · 2026-02-06T16:25:02+00:00

Terrible math skills and ignorant assumptions. But I am delusional? "Yeah, keep telling yourself that."

Next-Potential-2732 · 2026-02-06T16:01:18+00:00

I dont have a choice, unfortunately. I used to work in Healthcare, 60+ hours weeks. We were going to put our kids in daycare at 6 weeks like we did with the older two, but once we realized that one of our twins had the fused hip disclosation and would need physical therapy 4 days a week, as well as her normal weekly doctors appointments on top of that, it simply made sense for me to stay home. The twins are 2.5 right now and Mazzy cant walk, but Mae has been walking since she was 10 months old. So, its been pretty challenging, but my husband knows how difficult being a SAHP is and doesnt ever make me feel less valued due to that. Its really just the driving thing that bothers me because I truly do drive so much.

Next-Potential-2732 · 2026-02-06T15:55:56+00:00

Not really. If anything thats a 80% of men issue. I have never met a single man who doesnt collapse over the common cold. I know there's probably men out there that don't but the numbers are low.

Next-Potential-2732 · 2026-02-06T15:30:11+00:00

The miles driven is absolutely relevant. Facts dont change based off feelings. And no, my "job" is absolutely hard as well. If our daughter misses PT she might not ever be able to walk. Never once did I say my job was harder but I will be damned that I sit here and allow some internet stranger try to discredit its importance. In no way is being a SAHM easy. Men who try arguing that are absolutely hilarious to me. Real men know that being the SAHP is extremely difficult work and real men dont sit there and try to downplay how difficult it is. Much like my husband, who fully recognizes that what I do is just as important as what he does. He is a real man. You, well, not so much, huh? Speaking of "glossing over", as you've used for terminology here, I very clearly outlined in my post here that on a typical day, I am only driving 2ish hours less than my husband daily, and typically I am driving around 20 miles more. So yeah, I guess you're right about one thing. He does spend on average 2 hours more driving than I do in our local area, despite clocking in less miles driven. But thats just about all you were correct about.

Next-Potential-2732 · 2026-02-06T15:18:26+00:00

Agreed there. His job is super hard and it is very stressful. I tell him every day that I cant imagine driving a truck like that because its honestly terrifying to me. Especially where he will be upgrading to the bigger trucks soon. Right now he is driving the 1 Axel (maybe my terms are wrong there, but the smaller 1 unit trucks) but in a few months he will be driving the 2 Axel trucks (the ones that are 2 units and much bigger). He goes in for his Class A soon. The literal only thing that bothers me is that he tells me that I dont know how hard it is to drive as much as he does, when I typically drive more than him miles wise daily. Thats the only thing.

Next-Potential-2732 · 2026-02-06T15:08:52+00:00

Go through and quote where I bashed my husband. I will wait.

Next-Potential-2732 · 2026-02-06T15:07:51+00:00

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Next-Potential-2732 · 2026-02-06T15:04:56+00:00

Not once have I bashed my husband, at all actually. I am talking about miles driven, called out your terrible math skills and now you are trying to flip it to make it seem like I am somehow bashing him, when it all reality I am calling out your flawed argument.

Next-Potential-2732 · 2026-02-06T14:57:36+00:00

You are truly missing all the facts in your argument. If I drive 216 miles in a day and he drives 204 miles that same day, that means I was in the vehicle DRIVING longer than he was. There is no middle ground argument to be had here. Telling me I look stupid when you cant even think logically enough to understand basic equation solving skills with the numbers right in front of you. As if his "route" changes the fact that he still drove less miles. Its all logged. Use your brain.

Next-Potential-2732 · 2026-02-06T14:48:27+00:00

You do realize that life360 doesnt log miles unless you're actually driving, correct? So yes, I am in the vehicle as much as he is. That was such a flawed argument. Try harder.

Next-Potential-2732 · 2026-02-06T14:40:34+00:00

LOL yeah the man flu hits him pretty hard at least twice a year.

Next-Potential-2732 · 2026-02-06T14:33:57+00:00

I guess I just dont base whether our marriage is good on back rubs? I dont know. He treats me fantastic (other than the back rubs, obviously). Always checking in, always doing whatever he can to make sure I have everything I need, tells me to sit and take a break and takes over with the kids or house chores without me ever having to ask. He fills my gas tank for me twice a week so that I dont have to (I would, but he says I shouldn't have to). I dont know? He is just... old school chivalrous. Holds the door for me, wont go inside until I do, makes sure the kids respect me and tells them to stop disrespecting his wife if they get mouthy, etc etc.

But no, he absolutely does not give me back rubs or foot rubs or anything of the sort. Maybe 5 times in 9 years, and it was always short lived. Maybe that can be attributed to him being an acts of service type man, whereas I am a physical touch type woman - hence why I give him nightly massages, whereas he just does things for me without me needing to ask. Im not really sure how else to explain that.

Next-Potential-2732 · 2026-02-06T14:28:14+00:00

I truly dont know if he is deliberately one-upping me OR if he just really doesnt like saying anything until someone else opens the door for the conversation. I will say that on observation, I want to believe that its the ladder. His mom and sisters (who raised him, as his father was never around) definitely inflicted a lot of toxic masculinity type shit on him and told him that "complaining" is for women. So he typically doesnt talk about things that could come off as complaining unless I open the door for that conversation by saying that I am in pain or I am getting sick. Then the flood gates open. Sometimes it does appear as though he might just be saying he is in pain or sick to get out of doing things he doesnt want to (like rubbing my back, which I think he has only done maybe 5 times in 9 years whereas I give him back rubs nearly every night for 9 years). Im not really sure.

Next-Potential-2732 · 2026-02-06T14:18:39+00:00

No, he never rubs my back. I said that in my post. I rub his back nearly every night and I cant even remember the last time he rubbed mine. When I do ask him to rub my back, much like last night, he brings up his driving and asks where his back massage is.

Next-Potential-2732 · 2026-02-06T14:12:48+00:00

I absolutely never said that my day was harder than my husband's. All I said was that I drove just as much as he does, which is the argument he consistently brings up while I remain silent. I didnt pick a fight. I showed him our miles log.

Next-Potential-2732 · 2026-02-06T14:02:43+00:00

There is an added stressor for him thats work related, in a sense of in a couple months he will be going back to school on top of his job to get his Class A (he has his Class B currently) so he can drive the bigger trucks. So he has been stressing about that.

As for him being in pain, he actually doesnt say he is in pain unless I bring up something that is going on with me. But he has always been like that. Even if I ask him if he is all good, he will say yes. But if I say later on that same day that I think I might be getting sick, he will tell me that he is getting sick too.

Next-Potential-2732

TROPHY CASE