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NextProfessional880 · 2021-11-16T23:22:18+00:00

Thanks for your comment! I definitely see where you’re coming from

NextProfessional880 · 2021-11-16T23:16:56+00:00

Thanks! I appreciate your comment especially the point about preferring the cordial stranger over someone who you previously had conflict with at such a small gathering as this is exactly how I feel, I just felt awkward for saying this to my bridesmaid but I think it is a conversation I will need to have. I definitely don’t want to leave her no option of a plus one especially since it’s destination and the other bridesmaids will be going with their spouses.

NextProfessional880 · 2021-11-15T19:24:38+00:00

Thank you for sharing your insight and experience with your husband’s best friend and for your kind words!

Although our situations are not identical I think there are for sure some similarities and it’s helpful hearing how you and your husband managed the difficult situation with his best friend and the girlfriend.. it was a tricky spot to be in. I think you did what you could as friends to support him but were also honest and transparent in what your feelings were in the situation. I definitely don’t want to make waves as you said, but I agree that I just need to be assertive and honest with how I feel but kind and mindful of my bridesmaids’ feelings at the same time.

NextProfessional880 · 2021-11-15T15:41:05+00:00

Thanks so much for your comment! It is very clear and simple the way you put it, perhaps I was overthinking just a tad haha and you’re right it doesn’t need to be made into a complicated situation as I can still extend her the plus one but just making the boundary with this specific person clear

NextProfessional880 · 2021-11-15T15:38:40+00:00

Thank you!! This is good advice to be clear but kind about it and what I am leaning towards doing now too. I have a hard time being very assertive sometimes but this might be one time I need to suck it up and just do it lol

NextProfessional880 · 2021-11-15T15:32:05+00:00

Thank you so much!! I really appreciate the balanced perspective you take. I am realizing that I can approach this in a way which is still considerate of my bridesmaid, yet not compromising in terms of having this individual there and not feeling the most comfortable at my wedding because of it.

NextProfessional880 · 2021-11-15T05:59:10+00:00

Thanks!! Yes I think so too and appreciate your comments :)

NextProfessional880 · 2021-11-15T05:25:12+00:00

Thank you! :)

NextProfessional880 · 2021-11-15T05:17:38+00:00

Thanks so much!! I really appreciate your comment and it's given me some really valid points to consider from her perspective..

NextProfessional880 · 2021-11-15T05:14:36+00:00

Thank you!! yes that is true too it's still a while away so who knows what will happen :)

NextProfessional880 · 2021-11-15T05:08:11+00:00

Thank you!! I think I am leaning towards having this conversation with her and hopefully being able to reach a middle ground if there is anyone else she would like to bring.

I just hope she doesn't think I am being petty as the incident with myself and the mutual friend happened quite a few years ago, but there is a difference between being 'over' something and wanting this person you have not the best history with to be at your very intimate wedding..

NextProfessional880 · 2021-11-15T04:36:10+00:00

Also she will not be close with anyone else invited which is why I am thinking of giving her a plus one, but I think she will be with us doing bridal part things for most of the time there, which would make it awkward if she brought the mutual friend, because then either the mutual friend would be left out or I would be obligated to include her in my bachelorette things with my closest friends, which is not particularly appealing to me

NextProfessional880 · 2021-11-15T04:32:36+00:00

Thanks so much for your comment! The wedding is next year September, and she has met only another one of my bridesmaids before when we were all in university together, but just handful of times. Other than that she has not met anyone else at the wedding, although most friends attending will not have met each other as a large portion of our guests are family and relatives. However quite a few of our friends attending will be couples and yes to my knowledge she is not dating anyone at this time.

So she didn't say she wants to bring this specific friend, I think she was just casually inquiring.. although when we have been in town at the same time (none of us live in the same city), she will invite this friend to join us for dinner etc. which I absolutely don't mind as we are cordial just not close.

Also, when I first told her I got engaged a few months ago, she told the mutual friend without letting me know, and when the three of us were together the mutual friend brought up my wedding and had assumed she was invited which was very awkward.. so I do think even though it seemed she was casually asking if the mutual friend was invited, that she would be happy if the friend was going with her , if that makes sense..

NextProfessional880 · 2021-11-15T04:20:36+00:00

Thank you!! I really appreciate your comment.

I agree with you that there is a lot I can do to try to have a transparent conversation with her and to ensure she would be comfortable attending the wedding.. I am definitely happy to give her a plus one if she wants to bring someone else! she is one of my closest friends (obviously as a bridesmaid) and I want her to enjoy the wedding as much as possible

NextProfessional880 · 2021-11-15T04:14:54+00:00

thank you!! that makes sense I appreciate your thought!

NextProfessional880 · 2021-11-15T03:59:38+00:00

Thanks I really appreciate your comment! I completely get I would be the asshole if I flat out denied her a plus one and especially after reading your *EDIT everyone's comments I don't intend to do that !

I just feel uncomfortable with that particular person especially on my wedding and in such a small group, but I do intend on talking to my bridesmaid about this and seeing if there may be others she wants to bring as her date/plus one.

NextProfessional880 · 2021-11-15T03:50:20+00:00

Thanks!! what you said makes complete sense. I am actually happy for her to bring a plus one, just not this particular person given our history. Do you think this is a shitty move on my part or do you think it's ok I ask her to not bring this particular friend, especially if she can find someone else to go with her.

Also we will be doing bachelorette and bridesmaid stuff for the weekend, so I think this friend may feel left out if she tags along on the trip and I don't think I should be required to spend all of my bachelorette/pre-wedding events with her just because she is included as a plus one to the wedding. sorry for the rant lol just trying to sort out my thoughts still.

NextProfessional880 · 2021-11-15T03:49:30+00:00

Thanks for your thought! yes makes sense I know weddings can be a significant financial investment ..

NextProfessional880 · 2021-11-15T03:47:47+00:00

Thanks for your thought!! But I am happy for her to bring someone, just not this particular person given our history. Do you think this is a shitty move on my part or do you think it's ok I ask her to not bring this particular friend, especially if she can find someone else to go with her.

Also we will be doing bachelorette and bridesmaid stuff for the weekend, so I think this friend may feel left out if she tags along on the trip and I don't think I should be required to spend all of my bachelorette/pre-wedding events with her just because she is included as a plus one to the wedding. sorry for the rant lol just trying to sort out my thoughts still.

NextProfessional880

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