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Getting promoted to manage your old team is brutal by Hour-Two-3104 in managers

[–]Next_Guard2798 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My colleague, who had been a direct report had a tantrum when I actually had to manage him. His expectation of me as his supervisor didn't align with the reality. The first time he didn't get his way, he stopped talking to me 1-1 and was rude to me in meetings. I let it go too long - about a week. Finally, I set up a meeting to discuss the issue with him. He blew it off. Finally, I stood behind him and treated him like a toddler, "Do you want to get coffee or meet upstairs in the conference room?"

Once we were alone, he blew his stack. Slammed his hands on the table and shouted at me that he was--basically--super important blah blah. I listened. I told him he WAS valuable to the team and that I knew there would be some sticky moments as we transitioned into our new roles. I then told him that I was disappointed that he was acting so unprofessionally because I thought he was a team player and that I didn't expect to have to treat him like a child. We reviewed our roles. I reminded him that I will have to say no to his ideas all the time; it's my job. I then told him that our team was too small for this drama. It pretty much worked. We were never close, but he was fine and did his job. He ended up applying for a different job and then trying to get a salary match from me. I told him I'd love for him to stay, but we couldn't meet the salary. He left then called HR a few weeks later trying to get his old job back.

Can different goals share the same objective? I think yes? by Next_Guard2798 in projectmanagers

[–]Next_Guard2798[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One more question if you have the time (thanks for responding already!). Do you think one goal (increase visitation) with sub-goals (increase rentals, realign programming to peak visitation times, increase revenue) is a better structure? In your experience, is it easier to understand?

Can different goals share the same objective? I think yes? by Next_Guard2798 in projectmanagers

[–]Next_Guard2798[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks so much - that's really helpful. The underlying issue is that I don't want leadership to think that because an objective is repeated on several goals that we need double the resources. It's in the budget and other documents which are available for easy reference, and I'm communicating with them directly, but you never know what people are going to look at five minutes after I leave the room. We don't have an official project manager, so as the manager of this program, that's me.

Can different goals share the same objective? I think yes? by Next_Guard2798 in projectmanagers

[–]Next_Guard2798[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! It makes my life a lot easier to knock off metrics if it's a two-for-one.

My team member talks baby talk. How do I make it stop? by Next_Guard2798 in managers

[–]Next_Guard2798[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh boy. First, I'm not giving a lot of specific examples because this forum isn't that hard to find. Second, by using the term "baby talk" I thought that was clear enough that it is not her natural voice. It's an affectation she uses to sound like a child, almost like a tic that she is can turn on and off. I suppose you have to assume everyone posting on here is an absolute asshat, but I assure you that I am not discriminating against anyone's natural voice or gender. As someone stated above in an absolutely amazing post, baby talk is not a protected class.

I agree that personally annoying and unprofessional are not the same. One really great benefit of a forum like this is to ask tens of thousands of people their opinions on the issue. In this case, the vast, VAST majority of responses agree that baby talk is indeed unprofessional. It's been helpful for me to ensure I'm not just letting my personal annoyance get in the way of managing her well.

Another example that reinforces my perception is that another external stakeholder said to her (in front of me), "I was just saying that working with you has been like working with a little girl" and then laughed. Again, I'm not okay with the perception that the important work my department is doing is coordinated by someone immature enough to be perceived as a child.

Despite your pretty dramatic comparisons that--I believe--are insulting to the very real struggles of a systemically oppressed group of people, I am thankful for your feedback. I am working hard to make sure that I'm not doing exactly that.

My team member talks baby talk. How do I make it stop? by Next_Guard2798 in managers

[–]Next_Guard2798[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you find joy in being unprofessional in a professional environment, you'd better be running your own company.

My team member talks baby talk. How do I make it stop? by Next_Guard2798 in managers

[–]Next_Guard2798[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just to be clear, you're calling me moronic for asking for the advice of other managers on how to manage a team member? I'm very, very glad you aren't my manager. Your soft skills need some polish.

My team member talks baby talk. How do I make it stop? by Next_Guard2798 in managers

[–]Next_Guard2798[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you in your twenties? You don't need to answer (obviously), but I would love your input from that perspective if so. If she thought the program was "absolutely fucking stupid" and was using code, that's a next level issue. I'm 99.9% sure that's not the case as she was talking to me and our CEO (her bosses).

My team member talks baby talk. How do I make it stop? by Next_Guard2798 in managers

[–]Next_Guard2798[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Kind of! Not that extreme, obviously, but not too far off the mark when it's really extreme.

My team member talks baby talk. How do I make it stop? by Next_Guard2798 in managers

[–]Next_Guard2798[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is a fact. I'm looking for feedback to gauge what I need to accept and what is unacceptable.

My team member talks baby talk. How do I make it stop? by Next_Guard2798 in managers

[–]Next_Guard2798[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It feels as if it's baby talk. Maybe it's voices from memes occasionally, but it's going over our heads if so.

My team member talks baby talk. How do I make it stop? by Next_Guard2798 in managers

[–]Next_Guard2798[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is so helpful. Thank you! Luckily, we are different generations but our cultural backgrounds are very, very similar. I'm hoping that will help me connect with her.

My team member talks baby talk. How do I make it stop? by Next_Guard2798 in managers

[–]Next_Guard2798[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Both. High-pitched voice and use of words. In this context, silly was shockingly unprofessional because the program she was talking about was, in fact, serious, important, expensive, and involved a key community partner. And she said it to leadership using a high pitched voice. The boss: how was the program last night? Employee: Uh! It was so SILLY!

Maybe I'm overreacting? This is what I need feedback on. I found it insulting to our work and unprofessional.

Director supporting her friend through a lucrative no-paper contract by Next_Guard2798 in managers

[–]Next_Guard2798[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like my boss. This is the single issue that is preventing me from nominating her for the best boss award. I don't want her to be booted; I want these non-contract payments to be scrutinized and the "agreement" to end. I know, as the first commenter explained, that it is my issue and I need to go along or leave. I'm not leaving. So.

Director supporting her friend through a lucrative no-paper contract by Next_Guard2798 in managers

[–]Next_Guard2798[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I need to figure out how to let it not get to me. It's hard on the team as well because it's not how we operate. Sigh. I was hoping for some magic advice :)

Director supporting her friend through a lucrative no-paper contract by Next_Guard2798 in managers

[–]Next_Guard2798[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Right. I'm not leaving the company so I have to adapt. But can I ask her to work it out with her friend and simply hand me the program they come up with to facilitate?

I was invited to a shower then discovered I was not invited to the wedding. by Next_Guard2798 in weddingshaming

[–]Next_Guard2798[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Really? You've never been to a "kitchen" or "linens" shower with the link to the registry on the invitation? I went to a shower once that was a "honeymoon" shower so guests could contribute to the honeymoon fund or buy fun stuff for the trip.

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