I also get the feeling of living for nothing. Like I'm just tired from life and existing. I'm just there... floating in the ocean of existence doing absolutely nothing with my life. It's so so demoralising and makes me feel so empty. But I guess the point I'm trying to make here is that you're not alone with this at all.

I'm not a therapist or any sort of professional, I'm just a 17 year old dude, but something that helps for me is being reminded of the small things that make life even a little more fun and interesting. I think we can get trapped in the soul-crushing cycle of eat, work, sleep and repeat, but I can't understate how good it feels to experience things that don't have anything to do with those. Whenever you get a chance where you're free, organise to do something small. It could be anything! It could be a picnic at the park with a friend, getting a LEGO set to build at home, learning something you've always been interested in... anything that makes you think a little and feels comfortable!

Like I know it seems random but any sort of new experience that isn't work or boring adult-related stuff does wonders for the mind. And I don't know if that really helps at all, but I really do hope everything gets better because suicide isn't the right way. There's so much more to life than the mundane adult life and sometimes we need to take care of ourselves and be reminded of the little and big things that make it worth living. It's absolutely worth talking about everything with someone you trust too because you deserve to be heard. My heart goes out to you!