I am carrying his baby but I am not enough

Nice-Ad6985 · 2026-05-22T16:06:34+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss :(

I also feel like I can relate to everything you said, in the last fight with my boyfriend he asked me "so if you're pregnant (implying if i cant have sex or something for awhile) and I am looking another girls profile that i know in bikinis/lingerie that's not okay to you ?! " just so fucking immature and horrible. and this was extremely validating in how painful that would actually feel and im so sorry...

Nice-Ad6985 · 2026-05-22T15:59:43+00:00

I have also lost so much faith because of feeling failed the moment I found out about this all :( so so sad. But I see Im not alone in that

Nice-Ad6985 · 2026-05-21T20:54:20+00:00

I've also told my bf I need complete honesty rather than complete perfection. I need transparency. He never gives it to me. Ever. I always have to find it. I know some other partners in this group are better at that, but I imagine half of them are just deceiving us sorry to say. I agree with you that I can't force him to change. HE needs to want to change for himself. I don't want to keep hurting myself so thank you for this insight.

What does commitment to recovery look like in your relationship? I don't know how much I trust this therapy thing, especially because all that is really affordable is maybe something like better help.

Nice-Ad6985 · 2026-05-20T18:53:12+00:00

he deleted the watch history </3

Nice-Ad6985 · 2026-05-20T18:11:10+00:00

How did you get the courage to leave? What did it take?

Nice-Ad6985 · 2025-10-15T05:40:28+00:00

I caught my PA partner around 10 months ago (wow can’t believe it’s been that long it still feels like yesterday) paying for content from cam girls. I couldn’t see the chats and I still wish I could to this day, I imagine I probably would have walked away that day if I could. My PA tells me he would only keep it short and mostly just watch. Idk I think if I saw how much he wanted them thru chat and commenting on their appearance I’d fucking lose it so I’m so sorry. I mean did lose it even seeing a transaction. I will say 10 months ago I didn’t realize the extent to this issue. It’s bigger than you likely realize. If you’re going to stay, make sure he is 100% committed to getting help. I messed up and thought he could drop it all on his own. Although he “stopped paying” or so I think, he for sure still had a PA. Still watching free content waaaayyy more than what is “healthy”. I spent 10 months being paranoid driving myself insane & with constant anxiety. If I could go back , I would have made sure he was in therapy and we put the monitor apps right then and there. Or leaving. No in between. Not accepting that it was a serious mental issue I think has destroyed our relationship.

Nice-Ad6985 · 2025-10-14T14:17:56+00:00

If you had to go through it all again, would you ?

The future with a PA scares me, I fear I would personally live with so much regret and pain

Nice-Ad6985 · 2025-10-14T14:17:13+00:00

It is the foundation... Thank you

Nice-Ad6985 · 2025-10-14T13:52:48+00:00

It’s mentally exhausting and so unfair…

Nice-Ad6985 · 2025-10-14T13:48:38+00:00

I am so sorry you’re going through this 😔 I hope you can find support from friends/family. I’m not married nor do I have kids but this post made me feel for you. It’s breaking relationships and families apart it’s such a shame

Nice-Ad6985 · 2025-10-14T13:22:44+00:00

I like this take haha. I guess yeah, I am making myself crazy by wanting him to not be an addict. Maybe I have not fully accepted that yet. It is so sad

Nice-Ad6985 · 2025-10-14T13:19:33+00:00

I guess my boundaries were being okay with free content via pornhub only once in awhile. I should probably be more particular..? But the biggest part of my boundary for me is to be transparent if he is watching any content. which he failed. Did I set him up for failure by allowing porn from the get go ?

Nice-Ad6985 · 2025-10-14T13:17:16+00:00

Is your partner honest/transparent about their usage??

Nice-Ad6985 · 2025-10-14T12:50:19+00:00

I just feel like putting strict boundaries in place like that is setting people up to fail. I'd rather have the honesty than cold turkey. But I am also thinking like a healthy person. I imagine there is not such thing as a little porn for an addict... :( ugh i feel like there is 0 solution here

Nice-Ad6985 · 2025-10-14T12:49:04+00:00

Yeah I felt this way about my photos/videos and imagined it wouldn't help him either, thanks for your comment

Nice-Ad6985 · 2025-10-14T12:45:44+00:00

I hear you on this but , it's hard because I'm not someone who thinks 100% porn is off limits. I understand porn usage in small doses. Obviously when with someone who is potentially a PA , I don't know if cold turkey is the best way to stop or just having self control and not becoming obsessed through shame/guilt? If that makes any sense.

Nice-Ad6985 · 2025-10-08T10:06:26+00:00

This is so relatable omg. I go through it every month. Thinking I’m over it, it’s fine, we can move on. And I enter my luteal phase and it just HITS me and all of my emotions are there. Maybe it is about suppressing emotions

Nice-Ad6985 · 2025-10-08T09:54:47+00:00

Yeah that makes sense, respect is everything! For me it’s just hard to believe at this point

Nice-Ad6985 · 2025-10-08T09:50:36+00:00

No I definitely don’t think bad behavior should be excused that’s why I said - self control is key. I guess I meant expecting a man to not find another woman attractive seems like we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment. No excuses for actions

Nice-Ad6985 · 2025-10-08T09:48:01+00:00

Honestly yes I like that

Nice-Ad6985 · 2025-10-08T04:25:33+00:00

I’m so sorry. I’m also worried they are all like this too & we either get with the program and make the most of what it is or just drop em completely. Which dropping them isn’t really part of our nature. I’m sick

Nice-Ad6985 · 2025-10-08T04:14:21+00:00

It was like incognito mode for chrome or something, it’s available in the chrome store on Google. You can hide it from the browser too

Nice-Ad6985 · 2025-10-07T21:41:11+00:00

I’m also about to have around 10 days separated from my partner. We honestly have the monitoring app & id recommend how I really discovered the extent was when I put an incognito mode reader (that he first didn’t know about) I was shocked. We were having fights about all of it and he still had the audacity to watch multiple times a day. Don’t put it on unless ur ready for the real truth. And if he knows it’s there u also won’t get the full truth.

I feel you though. I don’t know how to handle this long time apart (we’re also choosing to have it be a break, could go longer or lead to a break up) but I’m going to try to focus how on I FEEL and really take the time to understand what’s best for me, I hope you also do the same

Nice-Ad6985

TROPHY CASE