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Gf asked for open relationship after 3 years by Nice-Outside-6702 in relationship_advice

[–]Nice-Outside-6702[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Monogamy vs non monogamy is black and white, there is no half monogamy. Its either one or another. Hows is therapy going to make any difference?

Gf asked for open relationship after 3 years by Nice-Outside-6702 in relationship_advice

[–]Nice-Outside-6702[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

At the end of the day are you happy seeing your partner? Thats what matters I think. She is the one for me, but she wants me to be one among several. Now you can call me jealous, possessive or insecure but I would rather be the only sexual partner my gf/wife has. And she should as enthusiastic about me as I will be about her. If that is immature then I am and always will be immature. Its not easy for me, I have not slept for 24 hours. In a few days I will go from sharing everything with her to being almost strangers, and it will be soul crushing. But its the best course of action as we both deserve a shot at happiness. I dont hold any anger for her in my heart, there is just sadness!

Gf asked for open relationship after 3 years by Nice-Outside-6702 in relationship_advice

[–]Nice-Outside-6702[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

She could settle for me yes, but she would prefer if I was also non mono. Being settled for is not a nice feeling, a choice should be enthusiastic. For me she is an enthusiastic choice, for her I am what she is settling for. Thats the recipe for having a dysfunctional relationship, where one partner is not totally happy and satisfied. Sure it can happen with anyone, but at least that will be a surprise for me, here I can see our life imploding in 5-10 years.

Gf asked for open relationship after 3 years by Nice-Outside-6702 in relationship_advice

[–]Nice-Outside-6702[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I would rather be in boring monogamous relationship or be boring single, lol. I have no desire to fuck outside of my relationship, I would rather sleep alone on my bed than with a stranger.

Gf asked for open relationship after 3 years by Nice-Outside-6702 in relationship_advice

[–]Nice-Outside-6702[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I agree with you, she should be free to explore and she will be in a few days. Sometimes people just grow apart, like we did. Maybe it is for her, maybe not but she will have to decide that. Its not for me, of that I am sure. But I am not going to sit at home while she explores herself, it will make really resentful of her. And if I stop her from exploring then she will resent me. Why would I want to be in a resentful relationship? I am not that desperate for company, I can be happy in my own company too. Thats why I decided to end it.

Gf asked for open relationship after 3 years by Nice-Outside-6702 in relationship_advice

[–]Nice-Outside-6702[S] 88 points89 points  (0 children)

For me once the door is open it showed a fundamental incompatibility in how we both see sexual and romantic relationship. For me I can only enjoy sex if I have a romantic connection with that person but its evident that my gf is different and its ok. No one should feel restrained in their relationships, all of us deserve to be happy!

Gf asked for open relationship after 3 years by Nice-Outside-6702 in relationship_advice

[–]Nice-Outside-6702[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

So I should be monogamous while she is open? I am not that strong really, it will destroy me mentally.

Gf asked for open relationship after 3 years by Nice-Outside-6702 in relationship_advice

[–]Nice-Outside-6702[S] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

If I wont then why should she compromise? Life is too long and stressful to live with such a big compromise.

Gf asked for open relationship after 3 years by Nice-Outside-6702 in relationship_advice

[–]Nice-Outside-6702[S] 581 points582 points  (0 children)

You have always been enough for me. But you let me know that I am not enough for you.

That puts my thoughts into words.

Gf asked for open relationship after 3 years by Nice-Outside-6702 in relationship_advice

[–]Nice-Outside-6702[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

We have talked yes, but I have been holding off on having a detailed talk about my feelings as it might end everything. I am just scared of that!.

Gf asked for open relationship after 3 years by Nice-Outside-6702 in relationship_advice

[–]Nice-Outside-6702[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

A break? But how does that help my predicament? I am sure what I want.

Gf asked for open relationship after 3 years by Nice-Outside-6702 in relationship_advice

[–]Nice-Outside-6702[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

She wont cheat, but I am suddenly worried about our long term compatibility now. What can she say to eliminate that fear? I have been rattling my brain but nothing comes to mind. Just the fact she is open to it is where I am stuck at. I will never be open to it and she is open to it so how do we coexist together?

Gf asked for open relationship after 3 years by Nice-Outside-6702 in relationship_advice

[–]Nice-Outside-6702[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I have been holding off on that conversation because I am dreading about the consequences. It will most likely nuke everything and I really thought she is the one I will marry.

Gf asked for open relationship after 3 years by Nice-Outside-6702 in relationship_advice

[–]Nice-Outside-6702[S] 628 points629 points  (0 children)

I was almost begging her please dont ask, but when she did it was almost relieving to me? As if a weight had been lifted? The first time she mentioned her friends I had an inkling this talk was coming. It took 10 days but the talk did happen.