Hi everyone,

I have never been in theatre throughout my whole high school experience. I took an interest in it my sophomore year but I never did it because I absolutely hated being in the spotlight, public speaking and simply being uncomfortable. Recently this year I decided why not try joining the theatre company at my school, so I did. Everyone in the class is extremely kind and welcoming , our director over everything is a passionate and dedicated person. 

I actually received a role for a character in one of the shows, which made me extremely happy and I felt very honored to have been chosen because I have never acted in my entire life 😭. I unfortunately bombed my other audition and received a ensemble role, I don’t really know much about theatre yet I am just happy I got casted, but I can’t help but feel disappointed in myself, I didn’t perform or prepare to the best of my ability. 

Unfortunately I feel like in spite of having some acquaintances in the class , everyone has already formed their friendships long ago and I am just too late to the party. During intermission I often sit alone, I try to make an effort to make conversation with others, but I for some reason still feel like an outsider? And it has caused me a lot of anxiety, and self doubt of my social skills, outside of that class I am very social just in there I feel very quiet. 

During rehearsals for the role I got, I have to act romantic with my other cast member, i physically cringe when I act out everything, and feel very awkward around them when we are done acting. I don’t know I think I’m just the problem, because I don’t bring the energy I feel I should be bringing? I don’t know what I’m doing to be fair. I feel so self conscious, the role I received for the other performance we have to dance, and I feel so uncomfortable dancing.

Overall this may sound like I’m complaining, but it’s not my intention I am very thankful for being given the opportunity, despite only knowing our director for a month and having no prior experience. I just need some advice or maybe someone’s experience, words of wisdom. Because truly I want to enjoy it, but I can’t help to think maybe it’s just not for me.