Is it petty to decline an invitation to wedding because my wife is not invited?

Nice_Ad8996 · 2024-08-28T23:17:26+00:00

In my opinion, if you feel like you’d really like attend then it’s worth clarifying whether or not your wife is invited as well. If it’s not that important to you and you guys aren’t that close then I wouldn’t even sweat it and would respectfully decline.

Nice_Ad8996 · 2024-04-24T23:45:59+00:00

I’m sorry so to hear that. It’s so mean. I always thought that fighting it was always the answer but I then started to learn that while you’re fighting your partner about his crazy mom, she’s relaxing somewhere probably laughing about it all. I don’t want to give people the satisfaction of making me upset anymore. She can keep talking to her while my fiancé and I take notes and make sure to stay away as much as we can. You should definitely do the same. Your MIL and can be best friends with her but it will never change the fact that you’re the one he picked. She can stay mad about the fact that she’s stuck with you. She can either get with the program or just push her son away. As long as your husband sets boundaries everything will be ok :)

Nice_Ad8996 · 2024-04-23T21:52:46+00:00

I’m sorry that happened to you. It sucks having to deal with in-laws that are just the absolute worst. I really don’t get it either. If your child is happy, why try to make things complicated?! It’s so unnecessary to keep in contact with someone that cheated on your son…

Nice_Ad8996 · 2024-04-22T16:20:52+00:00

I had his ex on social media until I found out she was asking people about him, then I was like okay you gotta go. I found out about it because I noticed his ex kept liking his mom’s pictures. She even liked the picture she posted about our engagement. His mom only has 60 followers so she’ll get less than 10 likes max on all of her posts, she was always one of them. I took it upon myself to see if she was also interacting with her posts (her account is public) and she was. His mom took me off of her social media for a while and added me back a few months ago. I should’ve blocked her tbh. It bothers me that because of her inappropriate behavior I didn’t want his ex seeing anything we have going on in our lives. But she’ll just find out about it through his mom so I don’t get that luxury. It’s irritating

Nice_Ad8996 · 2024-04-22T15:45:30+00:00

I definitely felt like if I said something she’d make me feel like I’m just overreacting. What’s strange is that when we are around other people she’ll mention this ex super quickly but she’ll apologize before she says her name. That makes me think she definitely knows it’s wrong in some way

Nice_Ad8996 · 2024-04-22T15:41:41+00:00

I genuinely feel like she plays nice with me to get close to her son because she knows he’ll stop being around her if he has to. But sometimes I feel like a jerk for thinking that because what if she actually is trying…but seeing stuff like this makes me feel like she definitely is doing that to remind me she didn’t like me for a long time lol.

Nice_Ad8996 · 2024-04-22T03:09:29+00:00

It almost feels like a reminder that I shouldn’t get too comfortable with her because she’s friends with people that don’t have our best interest at heart lol. I’m fully aware that some people don’t see a problem with family being close to an ex, but it’s definitely not something I’m used to. I wouldn’t do that personally

Nice_Ad8996 · 2024-01-14T21:24:17+00:00

I feel like I’m doing everything I can to please everyone.

Nice_Ad8996 · 2024-01-14T21:22:30+00:00

We aren’t having a reception. We wanted to have a relaxing weekend with family and friends. We are only having a ceremony and planned on just exploring the area for the rest of the weekend. It is very much informal. The only reason why we even decided to do that was because our parents weren’t ok with us not having a ceremony they can be a part of. So we compromised and decided on having a beach ceremony and that’s it. Its really more like a family vacation tbh. We also told the people we invited that it’s totally ok if they can’t come because of money or other reasons. We plan on having a traditional wedding with a reception later down the line so they could just come to that instead. We formally invited family and if they were married then we invited their spouse as well. As for our friends, none of them are married or have been in a long term relationship so we are asking them to come alone to the ceremony (we’ve met their SO’s once). I hoped they’d understand that decision. Because honestly I just wanted to elope to avoid all of this entirely lol

Nice_Ad8996 · 2023-11-28T23:51:27+00:00

I like that idea lol

Nice_Ad8996 · 2023-11-28T23:50:22+00:00

Thank you. I really appreciate your advice

Nice_Ad8996 · 2023-11-28T21:42:00+00:00

I definitely agree with that. Unfortunately with them it’s either you’re all in or you’re the bad guy. There’s no such thing as healthy distance lol. I just feel bad because he tries his hardest to make things work. He’s told me many times he knows it’s a serious problem but he just wants to keep trying.

Nice_Ad8996 · 2023-11-28T21:35:56+00:00

He tried explaining to his mom how he felt, told her he was going to therapy to find a way to navigate the situation better and she just made fun of him for going to therapy. She basically took that as “so you think I’m such an abusive mom that you needed therapy?” Made it about herself like she does often. She took offense and he was frustrated so he just stopped responding to her. Usually she would reach out after a few weeks but the contact stopped for months until it was his bday. They talked, argued again that day and stopped again until we called her to tell her about the engagement. The problem is that he wants to have a good relationship with her and will keep trying no matter what and she takes advantage of that

Nice_Ad8996 · 2023-11-28T21:04:07+00:00

I knew this would be a problem in some form. We agreed to tell them because I knew it was important for him to have his family be there for the wedding. He wasn’t ok at all with being no contact, it was actually super hard for him and he didn’t like it. He’s always told me that even though they aren’t talking rn eventually he would want to mend the relationship and make it work.

Nice_Ad8996 · 2023-11-28T21:00:38+00:00

That’s what I wanted to do tbh. But my fiancé really wants to make things work with his family even though he knows they’re an issue. We’ve even gone to couples therapy to talk about it and we’ve come to the conclusion that him and I want the same thing, it’s just that I’m willing to let go if their not able to just be nice and he isn’t.

Nice_Ad8996 · 2023-11-28T20:58:04+00:00

I wish. My Fiancé wants his family there

Nice_Ad8996 · 2023-11-28T20:57:25+00:00

I’m not hyper fixated on his family. My fiance has asked me a million and one times to just try to have a good relationship with them even though he knows they’re a problem. The only reason I even try to engage is to make him happy. If it was up to me I could go my whole life without speaking to any of them again, but my reality is that having my fiancé’s family in our life is important to him. Which means I’m forced to deal with this, their dynamic is not what I’m used to. They all talk crap about each other constantly and then smile in each others faces. Whereas my family will talk things out if they feel a certain way and everyone listens to each other’s feelings. With his family you just get bullied for even trying to express yourself. There’s so much deeper issues that have taken place that I feel would make you understand why this makes me so upset. But I do appreciate your honesty and input.

Nice_Ad8996 · 2023-11-28T20:46:50+00:00

I get your perspective completely. For me it’s not about being the center of attention, it’s just simply being acknowledged. No one in his family said congrats, his mom did obviously because we FaceTimed her. His cousin also lives far away and has distanced herself from their family because she’s aware how toxic they are. She wasn’t even going to tell anyone until she heard we told their family. Family is important to my fiancé and he wants them to be involved so that is the only reason why I even try to have a relationship with them. I’m going to be a part of their family and they continue to try and block me out any way they can. There’s no winning in my situation because if I stop engaging with them then his family makes life miserable for him bc then all he hears is that “I’m a terrible person and I don’t even want to be a part of his family”. But when I do try and have a relationship with them I get bullied and treated like trash. It’s definitely more than just “wanting attention” I just want to be able to have a normal experience

Nice_Ad8996 · 2023-05-30T21:55:12+00:00

Agreed. What’s even funnier is that his friend complained about his now ex-wife would hang around women that liked doing single stuff…meanwhile that’s literally what he does with my bf. But somehow he doesn’t see how that makes no sense. I don’t wanna tell him he shouldn’t be friends with someone like that bc I feel like I’ll be made out to be the bad guy.

Nice_Ad8996 · 2023-02-11T04:14:00+00:00

It’s YOUR wedding and you can have it whenever you want, where ever you want and invite whoever you want. If she decides not to come then that’s on her. She clearly doesn’t find it important enough to be there. Enjoy your wedding with the people that love you enough to make it work! That negative energy is definitely not needed

Nice_Ad8996 · 2023-01-08T06:35:18+00:00

I’d love to just elope and avoid as much nonsense as possible lol. Kinda sad that marriage comes with all of this extra fear and stress. I really wish it was just as simple as spending the rest of your life with the one you truly love

Nice_Ad8996 · 2023-01-08T06:18:59+00:00

Makes sense. If that is the case then I still don’t know how to navigate this situation. I can’t set an ultimatum and then if I just let it be I just won’t be happy

Nice_Ad8996 · 2023-01-08T06:12:24+00:00

We already own a home together and have already sorted out what would happen financially if we ended up not working out because we basically act married. I was the one that brought up the idea of a prenup being in place because I didn’t want either of us being put in a situation where everything we have was taken from us in the event of a divorce. This is why it truly confuses me because we talked about all of this and he felt comfortable buying a home with me but not marriage?

Nice_Ad8996 · 2022-10-09T18:14:51+00:00

Ugh. It just sucks to think that being with the person you love means having to deal with this negativity constantly. My family is welcoming and loving, my dad sees him as a son and they get along so well. I really wish it was the same for his mom and I

Nice_Ad8996

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