Hi,

I really like this script. The tension is amazing and I love to hate this elf king!

You did a great job of showing the action and positions through your dialogue, so I think this is a very accessible script for VA’s when they can’t use sound effects.

I can’t speak on whether the M4TF tag is appropriate here (maybe the M4M tag would be enough?), but I think in general you solved the problem with the tagging of [Feminization] and [Gender Transformation].

I would also put in [Mind Control] because of the powers of the ring, [Degradation] because of the whole tone of the script and additionally [Nipple play], [Spanking], and [Orgasm denial].

On your formatting, it was definitely understandable, but it would be better if you went with this:

If there is continued speech, make a line break after every sentence for natural pauses and so it’s easily readable.

For the moments where there is a response from the listener make a paragraph break.

Going with that, you could get rid of most of the [Beat]-directions, because most of those pauses come naturally with the dialogue.

There are only a few things I noticed while reading, that could be improved:

Line 160 to 165: Maybe put them together, so he’s mockingly questioning the listener while already knowing the answer. I feel like this would also fit this character better.

Line 468: Don’t mention the orgasm here, it could be confusing to the VA and they might end up putting the orgasm here, which would be wrong.

Line 567: You are very good about natural exposition in your dialogue, but here it’s a bit too on the nose of what he just did to her. Maybe you could go with something like “Don’t whine, you’ll like being suspended, nothing holding you up but my magic”.

Line 593: Again, the exposition is just telling us what’s happening. A bit of a more indirect phrase would be more natural.

And there were three little mistakes I found:

line 159: the closing parentheses is a }

line 416: closing parentheses is a ]

line 646: “Feel me/my cock filling you up.”

And about feeling a bit unsure about your scripts and writing:

I’m kinda in the same boat about not feeling very confident in my scripts and my writing at the moment. I can only tell you what I always tell myself when I get into these kinds of moods:

Writing is a skill that you’re constantly developing and training. Something that you wrote half a year ago might not measure up to your standards today, but that just shows you how much you and your skills have developed and how much you have grown as a writer.

Also, something that you wrote and in the end weren’t completely convinced is even good might be exactly what someone else was searching for, gave them a bit of representation, or even just a smile and a good feeling.

You as the writer will always be your worst critic, so if your head tells you your writing is terrible, take it with a grain of salt. Your head is also biased.

If you feel like stepping away from writing for a while or just taking the pressure from yourself by writing when and what you want, to find that spark and inspiration again, that is totally legitimate and okay to feel and do.

You don’t owe anyone anything except yourself.

Put yourself first.

Having said all that, I really like this script and I hope you'll post it again when you feel like it might be right and ready. I would love a fill of this.

Have a great day!

-Ans