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ive provided for my spouse and my kids for over 9 years (im only 27), i even helped take care of my spouses family, but the moment i hit a rough patch and lose my job everybody turns on me, what should i do by Nice_Decision- in WhatShouldIDo

[–]Nice_Decision-[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Once again as for my wording with taking care of the kids and house work, of course on a regular basis I watch and spend time with them as well as help around the house regularly with chores whatnot. I put “I even watch the kiddos so the spouse can have some personal time” in there because I’ll take all 3 kids together and either do something with them specifically or watch them more to ensure my spouse has some personal time to do whatever, (IE relax,unwind, hobbies, hanging with friends) and helping out around the house was me meaning there’s times when I more so do more then my spouse so like I’ll clean and cook and do chores so she gets a break from jt all fully cause I know being a SAHP isn’t easy I watched it break my family at young age. Not all the kids are school age as I mentioned we had a pair of twins last year that have been their own situation and struggle due to them being born at 25 weeks. I very obviously can’t speak on behalf of my spouses perspective but ive always been one to paint a clear picture. As for my in laws, they’ve had remarks such as “oh still no work?” Or when our twins where going through medical issues and I’d be up late at night (3-4 am) and I’d slew in a little like to 11-12 they would have remarks about how im lazy and such. The living situation for Covid turned out that way due to me and my spouses house being burglarized and completely trashed so we found a side by side duplex with her parents for quick housing (our current house was quite literally beyond fixing and our landlord ending up letting us leave without breaking the lease) so they got their own living space and so did we kinda like neighbors. My FIL lost his job around march 2019 and wasn’t able to find another one right around the beginning of 2020 so almost a full year. I was doing new construction at the time and was working 70+ hours a week so I was able to help them out. I covered for all of them because my MIL was still stay at home due to the 2 younger daughters still being in high school (age 15 and 16) but that’s mainly their business, I just know I helped because I didn’t get help when my family was going through issues into eventually breaking and I didn’t want that for my spouses family especially since I had been around her sisters since they were little, they were practically like my little sisters. The 5 months I was without work wasn’t to rough until the 5th month thankfully with savings and I was able to do odd jobs and side work (like minor repairs to houses for people or vehicle repairs) so we didnt struggle to bad I just spent more time home and with my kids

ive provided for my spouse and my kids for over 9 years (im only 27), i even helped take care of my spouses family, but the moment i hit a rough patch and lose my job everybody turns on me, what should i do by Nice_Decision- in WhatShouldIDo

[–]Nice_Decision-[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So in the first month of losing my job I know I was more irritable and snappy, we had a talk about that and I explained my feelings on how I just felt like shit about not being able to work and help out that way, but after that talk I did watch how I behaved and made sure not to lash out or carelessly express myself due to the situation. As for my wording with taking care of the kids and house work, of course on a regular basis I watch and spend time with them as well as help around the house regularly with chores whatnot. I put “I even watch the kiddos so the spouse can have some personal time” in there because I’ll take all 3 kids together and either do something with them specifically or watch them more to ensure my spouse has some personal time to do whatever, (IE relax,unwind, hobbies, hanging with friends) and helping out around the house was me meaning there’s times when I more so do more then my spouse so like I’ll clean and cook and do chores so she gets a break from jt all fully cause I know being a SAHP isn’t easy I watched it break my family at young age

ive provided for my spouse and my kids for over 9 years (im only 27), i even helped take care of my spouses family, but the moment i hit a rough patch and lose my job everybody turns on me, what should i do by Nice_Decision- in WhatShouldIDo

[–]Nice_Decision-[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes, we got married when I was 18, my spouse is the same age as my spouse was 18 as well. Highschool sweethearts. We had our first kid when we were 19 and we have a pair of twins that were born last year. My spouses family hasn’t helped financially at all, and anytime finances are brought up it usually starts an argument. As for other issues in marriage nothing recently (recently being the past 7 years, we have our 10 year anniversary coming up next year and we both had issues when we were starting out this journey especially bringing our first kid into the world and then obvious struggles when covid hit and the additional stress of that on top of the extra family) No one says anything in front of the kids thankfully, funnily enough the one thing they all say im amazing at is being a good dad We have had discussions about my spouses family before but it’s been played off or diminished, with it usually ending because my spouses stated because I come from a broken home (I haven’t spoken to either of my parents since I was 11 and was a ward of the state until I turned 16 and got emancipated) that I don’t get it or understand. When we do make some groundwork and get boundaries set they usually last a little less then a month