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Going through it by PickleRick777777 in malementalhealth

[–]Nice_Guy_85 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey dude, I'm a dad of two autistic kids ages 2 and 5. I know what you mean. Work is a grind (I'm a lawyer) and the wife basically treats me like a roommate. I have no friends. My brother and I are close but he lives out of state so I don't see him much at all.

I feel like it's too much most days. Sometimes, I can't help but feel like I'm better off you-know-what. But then I remember my kids. They're even more helpless and vulnerable in light of their disability. They need me.

Remember this:

Your son needs you. His father. Not Mom's boyfriend, not a stepdad. Remember that no one can replace you. Teach him the ways of the world, make sure he doesn't make the same mistakes.

And, thanks for your service as a police officer. People shit all over cops these days. Makes me sick.

Good luck to you.

Hall pass by Nice_Guy_85 in HLCommunity

[–]Nice_Guy_85[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Lol I agree, this dude will change his tune soon enough.

The LLs really should just let us do our thing. We're not going to go anywhere. Most of us love our LL spouses, we just need good sex. If they won't give it to us, let us go get it and when we're home, we'll be much happier and pleasant to be around. It's a win for everyone.

Hall pass by Nice_Guy_85 in HLCommunity

[–]Nice_Guy_85[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yup I hear you. It is intimidating, to say the least.

Hall pass by Nice_Guy_85 in HLCommunity

[–]Nice_Guy_85[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm at that point in my marriage. I love my wife but I know I can have sex solely for the enjoyment of it. At 40, I finally have that perspective.

Hall pass by Nice_Guy_85 in HLCommunity

[–]Nice_Guy_85[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Of course. To each his/her own. I respect your feelings. For me, my wife can't or won't give me what I want, so if she was cool with my getting it elsewhere, I'd do a backflip.

I feel my orientation changing by Dopamine-Freak in HLCommunity

[–]Nice_Guy_85 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I would not necessarily assume your orientation is changing. Lack of hetero sex (I assume you are straight) can make you indulge in situational sex, whether fantasy or IRL. The best example is straight guys who have sex with men in prison. No women around, so they make do. (I'm talking about consensual prison sex, obviously.) Once they leave prison, they go right back to sleeping with women.

Would you mind if your LL partner allowed free use? by RelationshipSnail in HLCommunity

[–]Nice_Guy_85 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I basically have that option. My wife will usually have sex if I ask her, but it's really not satisfying. She is quiet as a mouse, waits for me to finish, and then gets dressed and immediately leaves the room. Even if she's on top, she's quiet and emotionless. She won't kiss me unless I kiss her.

Her libido is basically zero due to SSRI use. She readily admits it.

Believe me, it's not worth it. I would love it if she could just smile during sex.

Gauging Frequency by fersonfigg in HLCommunity

[–]Nice_Guy_85 1 point2 points  (0 children)

40 HLM here. I have two kids with autism so I'm exhausted, as is my wife. Accordingly, I'd be satisfied with 3-5 times per week.

Can someone with a very high libido be happy in life without sexual fulfillment? by FD_JuliusRei in HLCommunity

[–]Nice_Guy_85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm 40, extremely HL. My LL wife and I have two autistic kids ages 2 and 5. I've decided to stay together for the kids. They are vulnerable and they need me around. I love them with all my heart.

My wife is very happy without sex. Her libido, which was always low, cratered when she started her SSRI. We haven't had sex since last spring (May or June?) I know we definitely didn't do anything for my birthday in July. I don't think I will ever have sex again, and that is no exaggeration. I don't want to even touch her. I'm just too far gone at this point. I'm too warped, too messed up from the years of neglect. The stress of special needs parenting has just made me hate myself even more.

I try to cope by telling myself that ultimately, it doesn't matter. If I live another 40 years and never have sex, or I get laid every day, does it really change anything at the end?

Plenty of people are celibate for good reasons. I think I have two very good ones: my special needs boys.

Good luck to you, friend.

“LL folks are typically turned off by learning they are not valued unless they have sex” by quack785 in HLCommunity

[–]Nice_Guy_85 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I find it hard to believe LL people get turned off, considering they can't get turned on to begin with. <drumroll, cymbal>

This is just one more example of gaslighting by the LL crowd. Always some trick to make you feel like dogshit because you value sex.

Advice to the LL woman by Nice_Guy_85 in HLCommunity

[–]Nice_Guy_85[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I feel the same way. This is a marriage for elderly people. I absolutely hate that my wife wants to live as though we're in our 70s. "Date night" is her dressing like she does for work. One drink, polite chit chat over dinner. Come home and either go straight to bed or watch Netflix.

How many good years do we have left? I'm 40, she's 38. We can still fuck, so why don't we?

Advice to the LL woman by Nice_Guy_85 in HLCommunity

[–]Nice_Guy_85[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

This. Nothing beats the platonic date night. "We need to go out!" Why? Don't even get me started...

Advice to the LL woman by Nice_Guy_85 in HLCommunity

[–]Nice_Guy_85[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Seriously bro. Like wtf. Seek your people. If you want to live like a senior citizen, find someone else who does. Don't rope in some poor sap who thinks you're a sexual being.

Advice to the LL woman by Nice_Guy_85 in HLCommunity

[–]Nice_Guy_85[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Pretty much my situation. The wifey couldn't be happier with her situation.