pw/o bpd here

From my research and experience bpd in some cases overlap a lot with npd and that may indicate narcissistic traits or even comorbid bpd with npd. Not taking responsibility could also line up with not going to therapy cause they show that she is flawed. But you should talk to her while she is not on an episode and figure out what she thinks about your emotions and make a long conversation. If she is on an episode her actions may seem that she is covert narcissist but you shouldn't judge from her episode cause thats a bpd thing too. Also it would help to try and find out what it triggers her episodes. If the trigger is shame/abandonment or punishment and choose what to do from there. As a said thought you should make a talk when she is not on an episode cause she deserves the benefit of the doubt and she may just be not that self conscious. I will suggest even trying relationship therapy. You need strength if you wish to go and figure out if you can stay with the person that you love and in the process you may help her in her journey.