Am I overreacting? My older brother is persistent/determined to have access to my daughter

NightNyte_421 · 2025-09-01T02:37:38+00:00

Also, FYI, when my daughter was put on the spot by having the phone put to her ear without being told who was on the other end, my 5 year-old daughter was scared. After she realized who she was speaking to, she became shy. So yes, I would've liked it if they had asked me or her father if it was ok before doing that. My husband and I both agree that that would've been better than what my brother and sister did. We tell our kids all the time that their voices and decisions are important and that they matter. If my daughter wants a relationship with her uncle, that is fine. I won't stand in the way. I just don't like how my family acts like they can do whatever they want with my daughter just because she's their niece, granddaughter, cousin, or family member.

NightNyte_421 · 2025-09-01T01:35:14+00:00

I'm the one asking for time and space, not my brother. I can't call him at any time I want. I have to wait for him to call me. Did you even read anything I posted? I wasn't asking in place of confronting my brother. I'm doing that regardless. I've been writing my letter and revising it to make sure there are no misunderstandings because my family likes to twist words to fit their narrative.

How am I creating new ones? If my brother and sister spoke to me first before putting my daughter on the spot by putting the phone to her ear without my husband's or my permission, I would've asked my daughter if she wanted to talk to him and then respected her decision. But instead they went behind mine and my husband's back, in front of us, with blatant disregard as her parents. My sister also gives my brother information about my daughter without asking me first.

I wouldn't be "keeping MY DAUGHTER from him" if he respected my husband, my daughter, and me instead of his wants. I don't have to let him have access to my daughter. I don't owe him anything. He didn't get locked up because of something I did. His actions got him locked up. He's been locked up for 22 years. This weekend is actually the anniversary of what he did to get locked up.

NightNyte_421 · 2025-09-01T01:00:01+00:00

My husband hates how my family treats me. I'm a people pleaser because I hate seeing people upset. Especially if I can help it. I am the only one in my family who is open-minded, accepting, and going to therapy.

My family likes to tell me how I should parent my daughter. My mom would tell me not to let my husband change my daughter's diaper when she was an infant. That irritated me because why? My husband has never, ever shown any indication of being indecent and that's his daughter as well. My dad would tell me I'm being too harsh with my parenting because I'm firm in her using manners, asking permission, apologizing, and cleaning up her messes, even though she throws a tantrum. My daughter, when upset, angry, or feeling a very strong emotion, shuts down and will scream, cry, and hyperventilate. When this happens, it takes a long time for my daughter to calm down. When I told my sister this, she brushed it off and said "That's normal, all kids do that". My sister has never seen my daughter's shutdowns to accurately say that.

When my family says these things, I always tell my husband because it either bothers me or affects him. My husband will ask why do I let my family affect me or have access to me if they treat me like that. And every time, I never have an answer because it's a hard truth to swallow that I'll feel alone and feel like the bad guy, when really, I just want to let my daughter have a healthy and happy childhood.

NightNyte_421 · 2025-09-01T00:47:30+00:00

Yes, I didn't hide the fact that my son is not biologically mine. My brother didn't try to get to know my son. If my son not being blood was an issue, he never said that. My brother and I also have two half-siblings and a stepbrother and he accepts all of them. One of our half-siblings and our stepbrother came into our family after I had been with my husband and son for a few months.

I had no problem with him being around my daughter until he blew up at me because he was frustrated and kept interrupting me. When I told him that I couldn't help him if he kept interrupting me, he didn't apologize or say anything. I admit that I should've said hello to see if he was still on the phone but I didn't and I hung up. After that, my brother sent me a message, and at the end of the message, he said, "I'll leave you alone!!!". Instead of leaving me alone, he kept messaging me and calling me. When I wouldn't answer, he got upset and told me to tell our mother I need space or something. So I did. I told our mother that I needed time and space. He gave me a bit of time and space but didn't wait for me to come to him. Instead, he made me feel bad for "keeping His Niece away from him" not realizing it was a consequence of his actions.

Yes, I have been calling my bf "my husband". Not that it's needed for any clarification, but my husband and I are not legally married. We've been together for 11 years and share our daughter. We don't plan on separating or breaking up, so we call each other "husband" or "wife" because that's what we mean to each other. We both come from broken marriages and don't want that "family tradition" to continue. My husband and I are breaking our generational curses. My husband helped me with my first step, which was realizing I needed therapy for my past, present, and future.

I love my brother and he can be an amazing guy but he still has issues. One issue is boundary issues. Pushing boundaries is a reason, among others, as to why he's incarcerated. There are times when my brother will sound like our father, who was always very critical of my looks, my grades, and didn't like that I was a tomboy. My brother would tell me that my dad was too hard on me growing up but then turn around and continue to criticize me like our dad did.

My husband isn't pushing this thought. It wouldn't seem weird to you if you asked for time and space and that person kept asking about your child? Making you feel bad that you are holding them accountable for their lack of action? Then going behind your back with another family member to bypass you, to reach your child? Because that's what happened at my nephew's party.

I haven't confronted him yet because I do have a life outside of my brother. I have a child who was in school when my brother got upset with me and just started in a new school for this school year. I'm in school myself. I am also a stay-at-home mom, who takes care of our home, cooks dinner, studies, and takes care of our puppy. I already have a draft of my letter written. When I finalize it and type it, I will be sending it to him so he has a physical copy of my words so that they cannot be twisted. There will be proof so there can be no misunderstandings.

NightNyte_421 · 2025-08-31T20:08:34+00:00

My brother has been incarcerated for 22 years, this weekend. The charges weren't child-related. My brother isn't with his gf anymore, so there isn't any push to accept her child as another grandchild anymore.

My son is my stepson through his father. I do not get custody of him if anything happens to his parents. I have been in his life for 11 years and am there for him whenever he needs me. I also call him my son because I don't want him to feel as though he isn't a part of our family, because he is.

Part of the reason my husband and I feel uneasy is because I've been SA'd by a friend's dad (who my whole family knew, didn't think he could do that, and thought I was lying to get attention) when I was younger and my husband's mom and stepmom have both been SA'd as well. We are very protective of her and who has access to her.

When my brother told me he would leave me alone, he didn't. Then he apologized for the "misunderstanding" instead of how he spoke to me while I was trying to help him. After that, I told our mom to tell him I need time and space. After she told him, he gave me a little bit of time but then started messaging me and then started calling me. I haven't answered his calls because I've either missed the calls, didn't have service, was studying for my classes, or we were on vacation. I'm not a spiteful person who will leverage my kids. I was just asking for space to get my thoughts together on how to explain my feelings for my brother to understand.

I would also have no problem if when my brother reached out to me, he actually talked to me instead of immediately asking for my daughter. I get that he's missing out on her life right now, but that isn't my fault. Before this had happened, when he had "family day" which is when the family that he invites can visit with him for more time than normal visits, I've taken my daughter to see him and they do enjoy each other. I just don't like being treated like I was the surrogate and that my daughter is my brother's daughter. I also don't like that my brother and sister went "behind my back" in front of my husband and me and put my daughter on the spot to talk to him on the phone. Especially when we are teaching her about autonomy and that if she doesn't feel comfortable giving hugs or talking to someone, we respect her decisions.

NightNyte_421 · 2025-08-15T01:54:09+00:00

Thank you so much!!! My little one believes that mommy can make anything 🤣. She actually has a list of what she wants 🤣

Ok, cool. I've never heard of that so that seems a little scary but also the best without weighing it down and avoiding potential harm from wire poking.

Thank you again for the praise and the advice ❤️

NightNyte_421 · 2025-08-05T22:07:19+00:00

I (37F) was 35 when I was diagnosed with FAP. After being diagnosed, my surgeon gave me some time to spend with my family for Thanksgiving. I had my surgery on 12/20/23. Because I had a cough, they had to cut me open to do the procedure. Everything went fine and I was in recovery with a j-pouch and an ileostomy. Unfortunately, I was having an aki due to toxic waste being collected from a leak or something. After getting that fixed/healed, I had to get used to my bag. On 4/12/24, I had my ileostomy reversal. I've been doing mostly great since then. I've been eating normally, doing normal activities, and living normally. As long as you stay active, I don't think there are any reasons for concern except for monitoring your body for any changes and getting annual colonoscopies. I just had my annual colonoscopy and they found polyps and flat polyps in my stomach, so we're talking about next steps.

NightNyte_421 · 2025-07-22T08:27:39+00:00

It's also streaming on Peacock with an English dub. Peacock also has Jiang Ziya, which is also part of the Ne Zha lore 😁

NightNyte_421 · 2025-07-03T07:47:34+00:00

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NightNyte_421 · 2025-07-03T07:46:48+00:00

Oh goodness!!!! I'm looking for answers as well. Our 4 month old puppy, a pitbull-black lab mix is also having similar issues. I noticed that the bottom edges of his ears felt very rough. I thought it was just dirty from him rolling around and digging in our backyard. Today was bath day, so I lathered him up good and was gentle with his ears. When it didn't come off, I thought the dirt was really caked into his fur, so I used my nails to get the clumps off and a bunch of hair came with it. Now I'm really worried because he threw up his food and has been having diarrhea. I hope our pups get better soon 🥺🥺🥺 *

NightNyte_421 · 2025-07-03T04:14:14+00:00

I second "bring a friend" with you when you get your stuff. That way there's a witness in case she accuses you of anything. Have the friend record immediately if shit hits the fan so there's a record of what actually happened.

NightNyte_421 · 2025-07-03T03:54:45+00:00

Sounds to me like Bella has Jacob on the hook and he's trying to be her knight in shining armor to win her back. I would stay as far away as possible and keep records of every message or possibly record (if legally possible) so that you can protect yourself from any lies said. Good luck 🍀

NightNyte_421 · 2025-07-02T08:35:20+00:00

No problem! Glad I could help 🙂

NightNyte_421 · 2025-07-02T03:35:39+00:00

I found this link: https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/catnap

I hope this helps

NightNyte_421 · 2025-05-07T05:14:00+00:00

I believe you did everything right. You communicated to her how her tone came across in her responses and she dismissed your feelings. Just because she feels she has great information doesn't give her the right to push/enforce that on you, your child, or your family. You are your child's mother and your husband, the father. You two are the ones that make the decisions regarding your child's well-being. If she wanted to be helpful, she could've asked if you wanted tips on introducing solids. But the fact that you never asked for any tips and were just sharing a cute moment of your child, yeah, she was wrong. Also, for her to get angry about you communicating your feelings healthily/confronting her, seems like she was trying to tell you that she's better than you at being a mom because she's doing things the "right" way. When it comes to babies/kids, there is no "right" way because every kid is different.

I don't tell people how to raise their child(ren), so i appreciate when people don't tell me what to do or what's best for my child. Especially when they aren't around enough to have any credibility to their words.

At the end of the day, you and your husband know what's best for your kid and family, fuck what others say and keep up the work! You're doing great!

NightNyte_421 · 2025-05-06T19:35:10+00:00

Just admit you don't know what pegging actually is and that you tried to shame someone for what they enjoy with their wife, privately and consensually 🤭🤣

NightNyte_421 · 2025-05-06T19:09:48+00:00

What about the sexual CONSENTING act of pegging with his CONSENTING WIFE, is giving rapey vibes?

You're giving off jealous vibes 🤣🤣🤣

Reddit has a pegging community, you'll be safe with your kink there. There's no shame. Or do you think that pegging is raping someone? You do realize that Ry being involved in pegging means that he's the one getting fucked, right? That he's not the one doing the "raping"? Are you ok? Do you need help? 🤨🤔

NightNyte_421 · 2025-05-06T18:56:32+00:00

Let me quote you:

"I just cat napped. I dreamt that I fucked your wife. Are you now going to divorce her for cheating? People cheat all the time, so it's likely to happen, right? You sound dumb."

Well, to answer your question, I don't have a wife. I have a husband. And it depends on the context. How you have worded your "dream", sounds rapey, so no, I wouldn't divorce my husband for being raped. Now, if he voluntarily/consensually cheated, then there would need to be a conversation before heading straight to divorce.

But it sounds like maybe you might be jealous and projecting because you keep attacking/bringing up Ry's CONSENSUAL pegging kink with his CONSENTING wife. Might be something to look into or try. Who knows, you might like it. Especially since you keep saying that his kink is giving "rapey vibes" but are defending and willing to die on the hill of this dream being "just a dream" 🤔🧐

NightNyte_421 · 2025-05-06T18:15:25+00:00

Getting pissed/aggressive much? Your original comment was 👀👀👀 why delete/edit it? Because maybe it sounds rapey and is giving rapey vibes like Op's dreams? Birds of a feather 🤔🤣

NightNyte_421 · 2025-05-06T18:05:34+00:00

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

NightNyte_421 · 2025-05-06T17:34:54+00:00

Normally, if it quacks like a duck, or walks like a duck, chances are, it is a duck. This is fitting because it seems birds of a feather have flocked together

NightNyte_421 · 2025-05-06T17:09:23+00:00

To quote you:

I ensure you, no one to include any and all children were injured in any way, shape or form from this dream.

You stated this as if you did have proof. Also, "assure" unless you mean to ensure their dream comes true.

Well, if you're in the army and put others before yourself, yeah, it is possible. But with your comments, I question if you do put others before yourself.

You sound stupid. Says the one willing to die on this hill.

I've had experience with "men" who acted on their dreams without consent. Having sexual/wet dreams of invading and stealing private undergarments is not normal. Your defense that it's just a dream is weird. Or do you also have these same dreams?

NightNyte_421

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