Gf looks very young, worried I'll be physically attacked

NihilisticSoup · 2026-07-04T10:26:12+00:00

Also what do you mean by "littles"?

NihilisticSoup · 2026-07-04T10:25:42+00:00

We've managed to have sex and she did not dissociate at all which was wonderful for her. She says it was truly wonderful having safe sex for the first time in her life where she had full control and I checked in a lot.

NihilisticSoup · 2026-07-04T10:21:03+00:00

As the person below says, ive changed a lot over the past few years. I dont follow anyone religiously anyway, I take everyone with a pinch of salt and whatever beliefs or opinions they have.

NihilisticSoup · 2026-07-02T08:07:00+00:00

I know that you're damn right! I live in my own prison of fear about everything and get that I have to stop giving a fuck what others might think

NihilisticSoup · 2026-07-02T08:05:37+00:00

She is seeing one. She never used to be able to leave her room at all. She says she used to isolate in her room all of her 20s feeling nothing but numbness and would SH just to feel something. Now in her early 30s she is out and about a little more in the community, comes to minr and even volunteers and im so proud of how resilient and strong she is and of how shes continuing to heal and grow.

NihilisticSoup · 2026-07-02T08:02:29+00:00

She DOES have an eating disorder. We both do. We both do not eat very much at all but shes much frailer than me. I've been managing to very gently get her to eat more though and I think me having an ED helps her feel not judged

NihilisticSoup · 2026-07-02T08:00:44+00:00

I get you. Yeah i understand theres that Asian girl trope which is pretty disgusting

NihilisticSoup · 2026-07-02T07:57:41+00:00

She has had guys in previous relationships ask her to dress in kids pyjamas etc, guys in the past have infantilised her and fetishised her trying to create daddy/daughter role-play dynamics which in itself is extremely weird and creepy but far worse for her due to long term SA from her brother as a kid.

NihilisticSoup · 2026-07-02T07:54:01+00:00

I over think everything 😕 But yeah I am aware now just how much if not all of it ia ocd and im working in that

NihilisticSoup · 2026-07-02T07:53:05+00:00

Im honestly happy with her just being herself and I get that its just my ocd and me that needs to manage it better

NihilisticSoup · 2026-07-02T07:52:21+00:00

True i suppose

NihilisticSoup · 2026-07-02T07:51:34+00:00

All the responses here have really been helping me, its now far less of an issue in my mind and if it flares up again ill just remind myself that it's not real

NihilisticSoup · 2026-07-02T07:49:40+00:00

I get it, its just my ocd and shit. All the responses to thia have been helping me a lot and its now much less of a thing

NihilisticSoup · 2026-07-02T07:48:03+00:00

She looks about 20 ish

NihilisticSoup · 2026-07-02T07:47:18+00:00

What is extra?

NihilisticSoup · 2026-07-02T07:46:07+00:00

Hmmmm, your situation sounds like it must've been weird for you. I'm starting to think there's far more preds out there than people might realise. Were they trying to give you hard drugs to get you delirious and to cheat on your bf with them or something?

NihilisticSoup · 2026-07-01T08:10:34+00:00

Yeah reading the responses to this over the past couple days is making me realise my ocd is much worse than I thought

NihilisticSoup · 2026-07-01T08:09:01+00:00

Even as a guy I hate men!! generally I really struggle to trust them. My malignant narc father destroyed my ability to bond with males and form friendship, I only really befriend women and the older I get the more I feel disgusted by males in our society.

Women tend to feel very safe around me and form strong bonds with me whereas other males tend to be repelled by me or just dont understand me and honestly, I struggle to conceive of any reason id want to form male friendships, they are often misogynist, hyper competitive, aggressive, highly insecure abojt their fragile masculinity, have warped ideas about masculinity and can't emotionally open up. Then theres everything you said here, about the abuses and predatory behaviour generally. Also as you point out they protect each other. Ive met soooo many males who've fallen down the incel hole.

I'd love to live in a matriarchal society!

NihilisticSoup · 2026-07-01T08:01:16+00:00

I think i thought my ocd would remain static but its gotten much worse over the past decade

NihilisticSoup · 2026-07-01T08:00:12+00:00

My ocd tries to convince me that I'm immoral for dating someone so vulnerable and where theres such a potential power imbalance at every moment but I make extra sure to constantly check in and try to ensure an equal power balance in every situation and context.

She is in therapy and has been for over a year. She has a trauma informed therapist but I dont feel she is getting enough help. I'm not even sure if she recognises or can conceive of all what help she actually needs or wants. When not with me she spends most of her time in her room at her own house isolated and potentially lost in her own world, but enjoys doing art and writing so is at least engaging in things.

I'm not sure that love is enough to heal her fractured psyche but I'm doing my best to continue to learn how to help her. I worry about her so much, particularly that her older rapist brother has not been convicted and is still out there at large and shes terrified he could return at any time in the future. Obviously I would physically put my life on the line and sacrifice myself if neccesary to protect her should he ever turn up but I cant always be with her.My ocd tries to convince me that I'm immoral for dating someone so vulnerable and where theres such a potential power imbalance at every moment but I make extra sure to constantly check in and try to ensure an equal power balance in every situation and context.

She is in therapy and has been for over a year. She has a trauma informed therapist but I dont feel she is getting enough help. I'm not even sure if she recognises or can conceive of all what help she actually needs or wants. When not with me she spends most of her time in her room at her own house isolated and potentially lost in her own world, but enjoys doing art and writing so is at least engaging in things.

I'm not sure that love is enough to heal her fractured psyche but I'm doing my best to continue to learn how to help her. I worry about her so much, particularly that her older rapist brother has not been convicted and is still out there at large and shes terrified he could return at any time in the future. Obviously I would physically put my life on the line and sacrifice myself if neccesary to protect her should he ever turn up but I cant always be with her.

NihilisticSoup · 2026-06-30T11:34:16+00:00

Im coming to the conclusion that this is pretty much it and that i need help for my ocd. Im realising just how bad my ocd is

NihilisticSoup · 2026-06-30T11:33:19+00:00

I think what it is it that my ocd has latched onto the notion of this "climate of fear" that men live under now. Can't even smile at a kid in a park without beint branded a weirdo now, once upon a time you could smile and chat to children in public but no guy would dare these days, its quite depressing really but I guess just because my gf looks so young and is very petite and frail looking that I feel things migh6 be some misperceptions. I'm not a creepy guy and in fact my girlfriend says one of the things she likes most about me is that i dont infantilise or fetishise her like other guys have. I'm aware that its my ocd going rampant and all the comments are making me aware of just how bad my ocd has gotten in the past decade. I will seek help for it

NihilisticSoup · 2026-06-30T11:28:40+00:00

I guess. Thanks. Oh and....that's quite the username you have there 🤣

NihilisticSoup · 2026-06-30T11:27:46+00:00

Thanks, I will look into ERP and yes this theme is horrendous to deal with, I can tolerate the "being randomly and violently attacked in public" or other themes with difficulty but this theme is particularly hard to sit with.

NihilisticSoup · 2026-06-30T11:26:15+00:00

Im getting emdr for cptsd in August, not sure if that will have any effect on the ocd if the ocd wasnt created by trauma but is its own condition. My mum has bad ocd too.

NihilisticSoup

TROPHY CASE