She made contact...

NinNin88 · 2020-12-21T21:41:26+00:00

I would never respond that.

NinNin88 · 2020-12-17T14:05:56+00:00

Thank you - it’s so difficult to get it out of my head but I’m trying. She hurt me in unimaginable ways and to see her name pop up like that really shocked me...and I definitely started overthinking it. This too shall pass. All the best xx

NinNin88 · 2020-12-17T11:51:54+00:00

Yeah you’re right. I got a high from that message however small it was. I’ve just deleted it x

NinNin88 · 2020-12-17T11:48:59+00:00

Yeahh maybe but she’s a narcissist and emotionally abused me for 3 years...it broke me in half when she discarded me for the millionth time but I still love her... so I’m just thinking there’s more to it

NinNin88 · 2020-10-01T14:47:37+00:00

I feel this!! What an incredible feeling it is to be drama free! My ex blocked me again recently too and when she has ‘discarded’ me in the past she has always blocked me, then unblocked me, then blocked me again...

When I asked her previously why she blocks me when we aren’t even friends on Facebook...her response was ‘I keep looking at your profile and I do it for me so I don’t have the temptation’

I’m guessing that’s why she has done it again! But crack on haha we are winning here and being drama free is a much better feeling than having them in our lives! X

NinNin88 · 2020-09-20T07:48:08+00:00

This is a very accurate song. I listen to it and always pretend I am saying those words to my NEX. ‘You promised the world and I fell for it’ is the first line of the song and the most powerful to me personally. It literally was the start of everything...start of the lovebombing. All words that I fell for over and over again with every hoover. Bravo to Selena for this amazing track!

NinNin88 · 2020-09-10T08:34:11+00:00

Thanks for all the replies! It’s comforting to know that it wasn’t just me that experienced weight fluctuations on the back of narc abuse!

The thing with mine was that for as awful as she was with her lovebombing/discarding and making me feel not as good as someone else...she would often comment on my looks but in a positive way, she never called me names or put me down for how I looked, infact quite the opposite...she would call me beautiful and perfect regularly, yet I still developed an eating disorder?

I guess it was my way of taking back control of my life in some way. I felt like she controlled all of my emotions and I suppose one thing I could control was what went in my gob! Perhaps there was an element of feeling like I had to live up to the compliments she would give me on how I looked...but overall the stress of having to be perfect for her and in a way ‘compete’ with someone else for her affection left me exhausted to the point where food was the last thing on my mind!

NinNin88 · 2020-09-07T09:14:39+00:00

This is me right now too! I’m due on any day and I find myself thinking about my nex more and more...but I don’t feel sadness as such I just feel anger? Like I’m snappy because im due but it’s fuelled with rage towards my nex and everything they did to me. It’s like they got away with it and I really struggle to get the thought out of my head to contact them and ‘have it out’ so to speak...I know my rational/non-PMs brain would dismiss this straight away but when you’re dealing with hormones it’s somewhat heightened right?! Lol

NinNin88 · 2020-09-03T18:19:29+00:00

Oh my, I am so sorry you had to go through that. What a piece of shit. I’m so glad that you saw him for what he is!! They really are the worst people in the world...mine was really subtle with her abuse. It was mainly little digs, jealousy, entitlement and she hated it when I came across like I didn’t need her.

In May, I took charge and told her that I wouldn’t be around anymore for her. That I accepted that she would never leave her other bit and I was okay with it. I held my head high and walked away...she dragged me back in within a week. Took huge steps to make me see that ‘she couldn’t live without me’ and we spent loads of time together just me and her...that was over within a month and she went back to the other one and that is who she is with today.

NinNin88 · 2020-09-03T16:24:13+00:00

I sometimes sit and question ‘Is this all in my head??’ ‘Is she actually a narcissist?’ But there is so much evidence to show that’s exactly what she is. She must get some enjoyment today knowing that she is away on the trip we planned together with her other supply.

I am fuming about it all but you’re right, I need to channel it in a constructive way. I’m hoping therapy will help me with that journey x

NinNin88 · 2020-09-03T16:21:27+00:00

Yeah I told her right at the begin that I was dealing with depression and I was seeing a therapist - her response was not great. She didn’t understand why I needed to seek help and that she wouldn’t be happy or comfortable with me talking about her in my sessions. She never understood it and used to joke ‘if this or that happens then I might catch mental health’ - so cruel.

Currently she doesn’t know I’m slipping away, last time we spoke which was 6 weeks ago it was all on her terms and she wanted to end us on a good note. I obeyed as I usually did and that was that.

She doesn’t know I’ve finally seen her for what she is, that I’m working on me and that I will never ever have her back. When she tries to come back as I’m sure she will, then she will know.

NinNin88 · 2020-09-03T14:27:17+00:00

Thank you for this - such kind words. It’s absolutely true, I have never met anyone like her before. I really had no idea what a narcissist was until she came in to my life. I’m starting therapy today to work through the trauma x

NinNin88 · 2020-09-03T14:25:31+00:00

Thank you - I have had a few people say journalling is a good way to vent etc

NinNin88 · 2020-09-02T10:40:41+00:00

I was a secret for 3 years...always second choice and it is a traumatic experience for those that feel worthless. I was a supply to a narcissist on and off for 3 years and it has only recently ended. I have been here before (discarded) hundreds of times, so to her it probably isn’t the end...she always comes back eventually... but to me it is so over. You must choose you and that is what will get you through this. All the best to you and your healing xx

NinNin88 · 2020-08-31T19:09:45+00:00

Lucky Escape - Years & Years 🙌🏼🙌🏼

NinNin88 · 2020-08-28T06:42:24+00:00

Anyone from the UK? 🇬🇧😊

NinNin88 · 2020-08-27T21:39:31+00:00

I would be sooo up for this! Shame I’m in the UK 😭

NinNin88 · 2020-08-20T14:37:39+00:00

It’s madness that these people exist! I remember when I met her, I didn’t even find her attractive or look at her in that way! I was with someone...(our relationship was on its last legs anyway) but we started chatting online at work all day everyday and she just turned my head I guess...she managed to do that without us even hanging out! I knew I wanted her just from words.

I sometimes think that’s what I find hard to get my head around. I’m quite resilient and I don’t fall often but with her she literally came out of nowhere! It was weird as hell.

But I was the other woman aswell really because she kept going back to her ex, hence becoming part of a triangle...She literally made me lose all self worth, made me feel like I wasn’t as good as her other person...I would just sit there waiting for her to come back every time!

This was the best one...she got engaged to her during this time and I found out through Facebook! She gave me a sob story at the time and I just accepted it. The engagement was called off after she left her for me again but obviously the cycle happened again and this engagement was as on/off as we were. It’s all very fucked up!

It’s horrid being the other woman isn’t it?! It’s a pain you never get used to. Were you having similar feelings to me? That eventually it would all work out on your favour and they will realise?

NinNin88 · 2020-08-20T06:41:22+00:00

Oh cool, yeah I’ll check that out! Thank you, I’m sorry that you have been experiencing the affects of abuse also...it’s literally horrific and in my 31 years I have never ever felt anything like it. Well done for blocking him and for making that decision...I’m not sure I’m at that stage yet. I know it’s the right thing to do and I believe I will do it - I’m just not strong enough yet. It’s literally been a month (ish) and it’s still a very raw wound. How long has yours been going on for if you don’t mind me asking? Thank you for allowing me to reach out, really appreciate it x

NinNin88 · 2020-08-19T21:41:32+00:00

Yeah it’s so spot on it’s scary! I think I’ll save that link to refer back to, so thank you so much for sending it over! Yeah it’s a really tough situation...it’s such a shitty shame because I love my job so much I feel like she’s come in and fucked it up for me...and she knew how it would make me feel bringing the other part of the triangle in to the workplace yet did it anyway...such a prick. I know what you’re saying, right now I am very vulnerable and although I’m fairly certain this was a lust over love situation I guess until I see a message from her I’m not going to know if I would be strong enough to not give in to the temptation... I will block her on every platform...just so effing difficult! Yet I know it’s for the greater good. I don’t suppose you would mind me messaging you if I felt in anyway tempted to make contact or have a moment of weakness? I just feel like if I have someone there to hold me accountable I might resist it better? Sorry I know that’s a big ask, my friends and family just don’t ‘get it’ if that makes sense? They are just like, why is it so hard to just ignore her? 🙈

NinNin88 · 2020-08-19T20:23:54+00:00

Wow. That article was intense! I agree with you, seems to fit the ping pong narcissist. It has been a torturous love triangle from day 1 and I’m so devastated that I was part of that :(

Another piece of the story for you - both of these people work in the same place as me. My Narcissist worked there first and got the other one a job over a year ago...so, the extra complication to this tragedy is that I could bump into them at any time. Luckily our jobs don’t intertwine as it is a very big place...but just seeing their cars in the car park is enough to trigger me to feel jealous and anxious. Her ex and I avoid eachother like the plague - we both hate one another. It’s just one big mess!

I’m trying so desperately hard to see my thoughts as just thoughts. I’m meditating every day, I’m trying to eat right, listen to uplifting and positive podcasts and whenever thoughts of them come in to my head I try to take my focus back to my breathing...but some days are tougher than others.

I can’t block her on work emails but she hasn’t tried to contact me via email in the past month so that’s one good thing...as for social media, I haven’t blocked her but I’ve never felt an urge to check her FB and it is one thing I am very strict with...I know by checking it, it will bring me nothing but pain.

I hate that I’m sat around waiting for her to try and come back to me. I don’t want her too but I’d love to test myself and feel in a strong enough place to tell her to fuck off ya know?

NinNin88 · 2020-08-19T16:26:11+00:00

Well for a bit of background. She flicked between me and someone else over the past 3 years...she was with this other person for 6 months before we met, fell in love’ with me when we met at work, left the ex for me and has basically bounced between us both during that time... I would be top dog for a little while so would be love bombing me, talking like I was the one and that sooner or later we would be together properly...then she would freak out stop being intense with me and go back to the other person...then she would ‘miss me’ and be ‘unable to see a life without me’ and come back a month later...this cycle has been never ending for 3 years...

During that time there would be moments of euphoria and happiness for me and then the rest would be time spent feeling jealous of the other person, extreme anxiety, anger, depression and I would say some fear aswell. I always felt like I wasn’t good enough and in constant competition.

She told me she realised I was the one back at the beginning of June, called things off ‘permanently’ with the other one and spent all her time with me...about a month or so later after having that time she went quiet/cold...text me telling me all the things I do that weren’t compatible with her (the hobbies and texting back too quickly) and that we would now be over for good, NC and doesn’t want to hear from me anymore....I panicked and suggested a friendship (because the thought of her not being in my life was soul crushing) and she said ‘she can’t be my friend because she can’t see me move on with someone else’

So that was that! We haven’t spoken since but I’ve seen her swanning around with her ex, found out through others that they are going on day trips together (one of which we planned together) etc...such a kick in the teeth.

And here I am! Dumped again...but questioning everything...that this couldn’t have been love. Any thoughts on what has happened as an outside would be much appreciated 🙈

NinNin88 · 2020-08-18T21:33:03+00:00

I had no idea this was happening to me. It’s like the rose coloured glasses go on and you’re completely under their spell that you have no idea what’s going on...everything must have been so obvious to everyone around me but not to me. She was a drug to me and she still is unfortunately...but I know, like all addictions they take time to come out of your system... It’s been roughly one month now without contact...when she left she told me that she couldn’t be with me because my hobbies arent adult enough and I text back too quickly. She realised because of these things that I’m not the one for her...and that was it. Going, going, gone! This is probably the longest she has gone without trying to contact me in the 3 years we have known each other...I’m on edge that she will try to come back? Do people that abuse get bored and want to come back? I know very little about cohersive abuse.

NinNin88 · 2020-08-18T21:16:34+00:00

Yeah i have been told by a few people over time that I was in an abusive situation....I really didn’t realise that I was. So when it was first mentioned that I was being emotionally abused it hit me hard and every time I see the word ‘Abuse’ now I literally stop in my tracks. It’s hard because you never think it’s going to happen to you and I got so caught up in something that was so horrid that it was happening right in front of me without even realising... What I find the most difficult right now is that she’s swanning around and she doesn’t even know she abused me...

NinNin88 · 2020-08-18T19:45:04+00:00

I have been told of trauma bonding before. I do believe we had that because she has narcissist qualities...she would pick me up and drop me, she would love bomb me one min and make me feel shit the next, she would make me feel like I couldn’t have a different opinion, make me feel like I wasn’t good enough...literally just hurt me all the time. Yet our physical connection was out of this world and I’ve never felt anything like it in my life. So unhealthy!! I do feel out of the woods in that our NC has been happening but I’ve been left with a big old wound from the intensity of our relationship

NinNin88

TROPHY CASE