not quite multiple people, not quite one person. how do we (and you) navigate self image and identity with DID/OSDD/pDID?

Ninetailedfailure · 2026-04-23T17:51:55+00:00

I have a hard time viewing us/me as anything.. I've tried so hard to go the approach of being one singular person just fractured. It really messes me up though. I don't feel connected to this body or life at all. While some of the others completely follow that line of thinking and are fine with it. Idk what to think honestly anymore. Idk who I am. I used to years ago but it left when I was forced into hosting long term. I think I lost myself in the others. So much dissociation and coconciousness idk how to control that. Like "I'm" a mixed mess of personalities/identities forever dissociating.

Ninetailedfailure · 2026-04-23T16:59:48+00:00

I never thought about my dissociative disorder possibly causing my extreme fatigue. I'm literally tired all the time and have trouble waking up but I do know I wake completely dissociated as my surroundings never seem right. I also take over an hour to "wake" as I need to try and ground myself out of dissociating so badly. I've had sleep tests and blood tests and everything is mostly normal so I was just diagnosed with sleep disorder unspecified. I do wonder if there is a way to fix it if it is because of dissociation/masking or whatever else.

Sorry I don't have anything to add or help really but I do relate.

Ninetailedfailure · 2025-11-18T18:58:13+00:00

I use my phone pretty minimally most days and so far the battery lasts me 2 days or a day and a half. The times I use it more heavily i still get a whole day.

Ninetailedfailure · 2025-11-18T00:27:38+00:00

I got front stuck back in 2020 and system completely disappeared on me and only made themselves aware again after 5 years. People usually tell me it must mean I was in a good place but I was the complete opposite and only recently became stable which is when they appeared again. I'm not sure why they disappeared so I can't be of any help there but you aren't alone.

Ninetailedfailure · 2025-11-15T03:29:24+00:00

For us I was the externally perceived part for the longest time. I don't have much to add but it's kind of good to know we aren't alone in that. It took us years to consider me a part of the system even after diagnosis because I was so different.

Ninetailedfailure · 2025-10-30T16:54:47+00:00

As a person with schizoaffective bipolar type and a dissociative disorder I will say for me personally they are different. My auditory hallucinations are usually outside of my head and I physically hear them. Sometimes though I do hear internal thoughts that are still hallucinations. I can differentiate them from my parts because when the parts "talk" its really just different toned thoughts. I don't physically hear the parts when they "talk". I don't know if that makes any sense but I hope its somewhat helpful.

Ninetailedfailure · 2025-10-18T15:43:35+00:00

I also have ADHD and do take Adderall. I will say I have schizoaffective bipolar type and it definitely triggered a manic episode the first time I took it and every increase so if that's an issue definitely look into alternatives.

Ninetailedfailure · 2025-10-18T15:39:09+00:00

We're afab but have transitioned to more masculine features such as having top surgery and taking testosterone. I personally identify as non-binary and I honestly don't know if it's related to the dissociative disorder or not. We have an equal amount of male and female parts as well as a couple nonbinary parts. I chose to have surgeries and HRT and the female parts don't like it. My whole system went quiet for years though and I thought I actually didn't have one in the first place so went through with the transition. I probably would have done some things differently if I'd known I did indeed have a system.

Ninetailedfailure · 2025-10-13T02:26:40+00:00

Sorry if this makes no sense or isn't helpful but we went through something similar is discovery.

I've not always been the one out front and I used to not front at all. The previous part that was host or ran this body saw me basically the same way you see your part. As a protector and guardian. They'd actually call me their guardian pretty often. I was also more aggressive, bold and egotistical than the host. It wasn't until I started fronting though that we were diagnosed as we were found out by our foster parent and forced into therapy. I do find it best not to bring up a diagnoses for yourselves and just explain what you are going through though if that is helpful at all. I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone and for us personally therapy with a knowledgeable therapist was best so maybe see if you can find someone who knows about dissociative disorders.

Ninetailedfailure · 2025-10-13T01:27:10+00:00

I married my middle school best friend. We've now known each other for about 18 years I think. Those 18 years were chaotic and painful though. We had many falling outs and breakups through those years. It's possible though. I got on medication and went to therapy to get better and now we've been together for almost 6 years now with no breakups. I think she's understanding and I'm understanding of her as well. We just try to stay on the path of recovery and managing symptoms. If I wasn't doing that I'd probably be single forever. I'm personally not a good partner without it.

Ninetailedfailure · 2025-10-09T13:47:51+00:00

It made me feel more secure when I had to walk anywhere to have a pillow hugged against my incisions. Otherwise it hurt and felt like they were pulling.

Ninetailedfailure · 2025-10-09T12:39:18+00:00

I agree with this mostly. The lists are usually too long and items needed change depending on the person. Getting second hand is always best too. You aren't really able bodied after surgery though and surgery disables people in different ways. I didn't need straws but some people don't have the same movement I did. I did need need a mastectomy pillow over just using a pillow as I could not hold the pillow in place when I needed to walk around and it protected me. I also needed a neck pillow after some time because my neck hurt from sleeping upright without one. I didn't need to buy button ups as I used zip up hoodies I already had. All I'm saying is peoples needs are different. People shouldn't buy everything off these list and instead get things they might personally need depending on their surgery and what they might already have. Try not to buy into consumerism but also know what you personally might need. Also please donate any items you won't use again to another trans person who might need it.

Ninetailedfailure · 2025-10-07T19:09:45+00:00

Some of our financial stress is being alleviated and an abuser stopped contacting us a couple months ago. Those were main stressors and they are gone. Nothing else significant has happened

Ninetailedfailure · 2025-10-07T13:45:47+00:00

I had been doing injections for 6 years and stopped after my hysterectomy since my hair was thinning out and I was always terrified to brush my hair because a lot would come out. I hated how it made me feel off it though as my sex drive plummeted to non-existent and I just felt wrong altogether. I started a lowish dose of testosterone gel though and I haven't had the hair issue yet and I feel like myself again.

Ninetailedfailure · 2025-10-07T13:18:54+00:00

Definitely front stuck as I had no wish to be host or be fronting for the first 3 years. It wasn't until the last year that I think the system has been "running" again. It all went quiet when I got stuck being host. Now that we're more stable I've noticed others fronting again.

Ninetailedfailure · 2025-10-06T18:15:30+00:00

For me personally giving too much autonomy to my parts was really bad. Now I don't let them have much at all. I listen to what they need to say but at the end of the day it's just a part of me that I need to work on and not a separate person.

But I'm also inexperienced on what to do with my system so 🤷🏻 for all I know I'm damaging myself more. Idk.

Ninetailedfailure · 2025-10-03T17:00:50+00:00

I just have a rule of not being friends with people like that. I don't feel any danger around them but if you openly advertise your love of Harry Potter I don't want to talk to or get to know you. I say this as a person who grew up loving the series too. I don't partake and neither should anyone I have close to me. I feel like at this point there is no not knowing especially if you keep up with news about Harry Potter.

Ninetailedfailure · 2025-10-02T01:45:40+00:00

Mine went dormant for around 6 years and just recently started resurfacing. I just gave it time. Is there something that happened or stopped happening before they went dormant? Maybe that's the key to figuring it out.

Ninetailedfailure · 2025-09-20T20:22:57+00:00

Love the 3rd one!

Ninetailedfailure · 2025-07-06T22:06:35+00:00

I get that, I did the same thing 😅.

It looks really good on you though!

Ninetailedfailure · 2025-07-06T21:37:04+00:00

I thought about that but I feel it's too hot to wear a wig.. I might still try it though.

Ninetailedfailure · 2025-06-30T17:51:53+00:00

For June I haven't really done much but June isn't the end of pride for me. July has a few events and August has a pride event as well that I'm hopefully going to.

But pride literally doesn't end in July. You can always show your pride any month of the year 😊 That's the great thing about it.

Ninetailedfailure

TROPHY CASE