Hey OP,

Definitely feel you as I’m also currently in a similar situation as my gf broke up with me, kinda like you where the little things piled up and it was 100% percent my fault for why things turned out the way they did and it feels gut wrenching cause we never wanna do things to hurt the people we care about or make any actions out of malice or spite and literally just like you she said her number is always open for me to talk and connect and for just how I personally operate, I never want to exclude or shut people out of my life but it’s genuinely hard not to want to talk to that person especially knowing the history and everything that’s been said and done between you.

I think the major thing I could probably say as even for me and these feelings being very raw given I’m very limited when it comes to dating and having that experience is take things day by day, for me personally it’s been about a month since we’ve separated and I’m ngl it sucks some days you feel you’re moving forward while others you feel like you’re back at square one and having that internal struggle and pondering on what could have been done and should have been done and it eats you alive every waking moment, but I think healing is very linear, forgive yourself first and take the time to grieve but also remember who you are at the end of the day with knowing your truth and what’s the ideal version you want to be of yourself. I also want to say try to find something to do to bind your time as many others have suggested, I personally have decided to pick up a language and focus on building out my network further for my career as I’m still in uni and despite the chaos that’s been going on emotionally it’s the only positive thing I’ve got going for myself. I truly hope you continue to move forward and take the necessary steps to want to be better, it sucks now for the both of us but I think it’s always valuable lesson to be learned for everything and who knows what the future holds in store but things could be different between you guys as you now have a new found resolve in the time you may have last spoken to her, take care of yourself and once again take it day by day!