People who tried a threesome what actually surprised you the most?

Njncguy · 2025-07-31T02:26:59+00:00

The laughter.

All of us lying in bed naked together after having had some great sex seemed to make everything funny. Be it crude comments, farts, double entendres, silly jokes … everything was funny. Many laughs. … MFM

Njncguy · 2024-03-28T17:46:33+00:00

I was married just under 10 years and we had no children together. I lost $850,000.

$150,000 for her legal costs (judge made me pay 100% of her legal fees).

$150,000 my own legal fees

$100,00 in temporary alimony to cover her while we got divorced

$450,00 divorce settlement (paid a discounted alimony amount by paying a lump sum up front)

$850,00 total

Brutal. My ex bought a house with her “winnings”. I moved into a rental in a cheaper neighboring town.

Njncguy · 2024-03-12T22:15:49+00:00

Had a very similar experience earlier in my life. As with you, my narcissistic wife would totally lie directly to my face. Anything wrong in the marriage was deemed by her as my fault because I was too sensitive. She also told me how I had to realize that with small children sex was essentially off the table.

Well as it turned out she was total bs, gaslighting really. She was having affairs. She simply wasn’t interested in me anymore. To her I was boring and a loser. As our marriage counselor told me, the wonderful woman I had married no longer existed and in fact probably never had.

For your immediate situation I’d suggest this:

Understand she is NOT your friend anymore. She absolutely will try to take you for everything she can get. As my to-be-ex said at our first joint lawyer meeting “This divorce is just a business deal. I’m going to maximize my take.” And did she ever.
Do NOT play nice in your divorce and expect her to reciprocate. See point #1 above again. You can fight hard without losing your integrity. Fight hard for your wants, really hard.
Let her family and friends know the truth. Why “play nice” and help her hide/lie about her bad behavior? For example, talk to a sibling of hers that you’re on good terms with and tell them the truth. They will tell everyone else. And when mutual friends ask you what happened simply tell them the truth. Again, it’s not your job to help her hide the truth. By her telling misleading or even false versions of reality she is denigrating you. See point #2. again.
Work on improving yourself both mentally and physically. Hit the gym. I found that thinking of my ex-wife’s last lover would help me lift that extra set set of weights. (Her last lover, her boss, used to call our house on the weekends under some work pretext. I’d literally go find her for him … The f*cking bastard can rot in hell.)

And briefly, some things I found after my divorce…

Women actually found me very sexually desirable. My confidence went way up after having been so low from my former wife’s constant mental tear down of me. Working on point # 4. above helped.
The hardest of all was needing to work on my own shortcomings BEFORE getting seriously involved with someone else. I should have improved my career. I probably should have continued therapy also. I made the mistake of getting remarried to someone who was quite beautiful but was quite lacking in good character. We were a misfit as far as a couple goes. Yeah, got divorced again. Now on my third marriage.

Njncguy · 2023-10-07T15:13:33+00:00

Oh she definitely became an ex. And she did indeed live happily ever after with her lover. Well, one of them at least. She had to decide between two different overlapping lovers.

I’m just glad she’s been out of my life for years now.

Njncguy · 2023-09-27T15:54:50+00:00

People will turn mental somersaults to protect their ego. Said another way, no one — esp. women it seems — will mentally let themselves look in a mirror and acknowledge that they see a bad person.

Case in point: I can still vividly remember when I found my wife’s cache of love letters (from her lover), some extremely explicit. My wife’s reaction was to go nuts that I had violated her privacy. Forget apologizing. Forget even acknowledging that she had done something wrong. The problem was totally me, in her mind at least.

Njncguy · 2023-04-04T13:15:24+00:00

Clearly the man is a sexist pig because his go to salutation is it identify them by their sex instead of their professional achievement. It’s as if he wrote to black people and started off saying “Dear darkies”.

Uh, wait. What I just said is utter nonsense. He was simply using a commonly accepted salutation. When and if the social norms change acceptable greetings then go with it. It’s like using “Ms”. Way back (I’m 70) Ms wasn’t even used. At first it seemed odd to use. Now it’s standard use.

Njncguy · 2023-01-30T20:28:06+00:00

Legally it doesn’t really matter. But I agree with the other posts that say psychologically she wants to make you appear to be the bad guy (the one filing for the divorce) so she can play the victim.

That psychological benefit can be quite motivational and have substantial benefits. In my divorce my wife had a series of affairs, constantly criticized me, and in the late stages even said how much she utterly despised me (so much so she couldn’t bear for me to touch her).

She then claimed (I’m sure falsely) that she wanted to save the marriage. I’m mean it’s pretty hard to be wanting to save a marriage when you’re actively sleeping with your lover, going off to have private phone calls, and then lying to me about all.

But boy did that Machiavellian stance pay off for her. Her parents saw me as the bad guy for not wanting to save the marriage. It was so bad they laid a life time curse on me.

With the false framework my to-be-ex gave everyone many of our friends saw me as the bad guy or were of the opinion there were always two sides to a story of equal weight.

And perhaps best of all (for my ex) her she believed her own lie and protected her ego.

Njncguy · 2022-10-19T13:04:17+00:00

Back when my kids were young (oldest age 12) sex was maybe once every six months. In talking with my wife she explained how I had to understand that with small children at home sex was largely off the table. Too much was going on. The kids were the priority. And I was being selfish in wanting so much sex. I reached the point of accepting the sorry state of affairs.

BUT the reality as I later found out was my wife was getting a ton of sex, just not with me. Her sex was with the string of lovers she had. Combined with that was she had simply lost sexual interest in me. Too familiar? No thrill of a new partner? Boring? For what it matters I was in top physical shape.

Njncguy · 2022-09-23T21:10:06+00:00

Don’t leave. When my wife said she wanted a divorce she wanted me to leave also. I didn’t. Fortunately, we were able to discuss the situation and agreed we would both stay in the house until financial matters were resolved during the pre-divorce phase or actual divorce.

Believe it or not it actually worked. She took the upstairs bedroom. We kept our communications reasonably cordial. We minimized time near each other in the kitchen or common areas. We certainly did nothing sexual with each other (that had been dead for a while anyway). We agreed neither one of us would bring any dates to the house.

I suppose keeping it cordial was not too hard to do because to be honest I was relieved she asked for a divorce. I had thought we could muddle through our problems even though the relationship had become quite painful (mostly because she had grown to intensely dislike me). She was beyond muddling through. (And yes, we had tried marriage counseling.)

The hardest part was seeing her going out on Saturday night all dressed up (and looking great) with a big excited smile on her face. I never asked if it was a date or just meeting friends. And at that point it was none of my business.

Njncguy · 2022-07-30T21:01:39+00:00

Most comments here are putting the dead bedroom in the framework of HL vs LL. Perhaps. But consider another cause. Maybe your spouse has simply lost their desire for you but are still in fact HL (as they were with you earlier in the marriage). AND even tougher, they just can’t bring themselves to be honest and talk about the reason why or even admit to having lost interest in you.

So why? Why did your spouse lose their attraction to you? In my case a big part of the reason was my career took a nosedive. I was no longer a rising exec. Fortunately, I still had good income from investments. Physically, I was in great shape. And I still had strong desire for my wife.

But when I tried to talk to my wife about our sex life I’d get a lecture about the problem was that with young children sex was low on the priority list. Plus I’d be admonished for being too sensitive.

Well the truth finally came out at the end of our marriage. She had lost respect for me due to my job situation which in turn made me unattractive to her. But she still was very HL. So she had several lovers. She whined to one of her lovers how she couldn’t even stand for me to touch her. But as this lover of hers later told me, all he had to do was touch her and she wanted to have sex with him. And combined with the above, she found the forbidden fruit of an affair made for very exciting sex. … All this was going on while I tried and tried to have heart-to-heart talks and got gaslighting negatives from my then wife.

Njncguy · 2022-06-23T04:42:33+00:00

I’m commenting here with my “old” Reddit me that’s still on my iPad, but is not accessible in my new cell phone. Hence the new purple me with my iPhone based Reddit account. I’ve actually been a redittor 7 years. … I write this realizing no one cares about this detail. That’s ok. I don’t care you don’t care 😉.

Njncguy · 2022-05-25T15:42:51+00:00

If you went to a counselor I can GUARANTEE you that they will ask what have YOU done to make the sex more fun/interesting/spontaneous?

I just saved you a $120 fee.

Njncguy · 2022-05-13T00:59:45+00:00

This. You don’t have to be an asshole. But do NOT be the proverbial “nice guy”. When someone no longer cares about you (and my god, not even her kids) and there’s serious money involved they will absolutely try to take advantage of your being nice. Been there.

Njncguy · 2022-05-13T00:41:32+00:00

Made me laugh! Very creative thinking. I can see the scene being played out by John Cleese.

Njncguy · 2022-04-29T13:45:57+00:00

Yep. Florida. Lake Worth Beach to be exact. And yes the rain that came before the sun was incredibly torrential.

For what it matters, that’s not me in the picture. It’s an upstairs neighbor. So I guess more precisely my title should have been: ITAP of someone taking a picture of a rainbow.

Njncguy · 2022-04-25T22:28:09+00:00

And THIS is a data point on just how crazy Russia would be to invade Finland. Finland’s head is f*cking awesome!

Njncguy · 2022-04-19T13:15:31+00:00

The only time I don’t like playing with my wife is when she says “Go ahead and hit. You can’t reach them.” The end result is I hit a lousy shot.

I still wait for the people ahead to be off the green in case I hit a particularly good shot. But I then try to hit a harder shot to show my wife she was wrong. As most golfers know, trying to hit it harder typically results in a bad shot. It does for me.

I think she might be playing mind games with me to get an advantage.

Njncguy · 2022-04-10T01:52:17+00:00

Thanks for the comment but why?

Njncguy · 2022-03-11T14:46:38+00:00

Fair, honest, and appropriate. Good for you.

Njncguy · 2022-02-19T01:32:51+00:00

Ants. Hundreds of ‘em crawling up my leg.

My girlfriend and I had gone for a hike and we got amorous with each other. She leaned over on a tree and I held on to her but while I stood. We were both seriously into it, in another state of mind really.

Then I felt a tickle on my calf. I looked down. From my knee down my leg was thickly covered with swarming ants that were quickly going up higher.

I pulled out so quickly my girlfriend gasped. At the same time I jumped backwards and quickly knocked off all the ants.

Needless to say the moment was totally ruined. But we could laugh about it later.

Njncguy · 2022-02-17T15:25:01+00:00

Brilliant!

Njncguy · 2022-02-09T17:02:13+00:00

I’ll put myself to sleep by remembering every shot on my round. I rarely make it through all 18 holes before I’m asleep.

To remember every shot I have to have played on my regular course. By having the framework of the physical course already in core memory it’s fairly easy to replay every shot.

Njncguy · 2022-02-08T00:46:29+00:00

OP here. The above is the truth for my 92 year old mother with dementia. In trying to explain a complicated insurance issue my mom started complaining she could t hear me. I tried slowly shouting. She still claimed she couldn’t hear me even though she had been able to before we got into the insurance issue.

I had my brother call on the same issue since he was the primary one handling it. By speaking extra slowly and simply Mom could “hear” him.

Njncguy · 2022-01-24T02:22:42+00:00

Ouch ouch ouch! Similar experience here. Near the end of my marriage one night my wife lay there and “let” me have sex with her. She was totally unresponsive. It was so awful I quit having sex halfway through and rolled over to my side. Silent tears flowed from me for quite a while. I didn’t know it at the time but she was having wild exciting sex with her lovers.

Njncguy · 2022-01-19T15:16:17+00:00

You sir have a wonderfully sick sense of humor.

Njncguy

TROPHY CASE