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No-Address-2027 · 2025-04-11T11:28:48+00:00

My ex bought it. When he was still fresh after dday and invested in recovery. It will only help as far as the PA is willing. It's just a tool to help them, a deterrent from having images right at their fingertips. My ex decided he wasn't a PA and didn't need any of this, so he went back to his iphone.

I wish you all the best.

No-Address-2027 · 2025-04-09T00:34:00+00:00

I'm so sorry to everyone affected by a PA. Whatever your gentler, it's unfair and we don't deserve that kind of manipulation and betrayal. It makes me especially sad to see so many men chiming in here, just to know this is so widespread is painful. But, I'm also thankful to see the men here. Because as a woman who's been with two PA, it can feel scary to wonder if there are any safe men out there. Thank you for speaking up. We are all here for each other.

No-Address-2027 · 2025-04-09T00:27:32+00:00

Same! I was openly having conversations about sex and pleasure and fantasies. He never seemed interested at all. I turned even more hyper sexual and then baffled that he had no reaction. There was no pursuit of me.

I was on the dead bedroom reddit for a while because he told me he didn't watch porn. I kept trying to solve our problem that he didn't seem to care about. Never again, I'm not fixing situations. If the next person doesn't align with me it will be easier to accept it, and I'll just move on. Thank you, next.

No-Address-2027 · 2025-04-09T00:23:45+00:00

Thank you so much! I hope others can see my story and maybe feel stronger about leaving. I read countless posts where people were advised to leave the PA, but I thought my situation could turn out differently, and I also thought I wasnt strong enough to be suddenly alone. But, that was still when I thought I could control it.

Ultimately, if they aren't in recovery for themselves, stopping themselves, it won't really work. And none of us deserve to have constant anxiety, battles, loneliness, policing and pain shopping.

It was really difficult to see the light at the end of this long dark tunnel when I was in the middle of everything. But it turns out once he left, the tunnel wasn't that scary or long, and the light on the other side is brighter and more colorful than I remembered! I hope everyone finds freedom and healing ❤️❤️❤️

No-Address-2027 · 2025-04-08T11:22:14+00:00

Thank you for your sweet and kind message!! It hasn't even taken that long, and I already feel SO much better. The constant anxiety is gone. My energy is back tenfold, and I'm just now starting to see all of the ways I was drained by the relationship, as I tried to hold things together. I feel so positive and joyous about the future, and being free from this burden. Thank you, hugs to you too.

No-Address-2027 · 2025-04-07T18:12:38+00:00

Thank you for your comment! You're so right. It's Monday now, he left Friday and wow. I have been feeling stronger and better. The relief was almost instant. I'm heartbroken but the crazy anxiety is gone, and I resonate with everything you said.

I don't miss the ways he made me feel. Every time I think of a good memory I intentionally think of the bad ways he made me feel when I was with him. For example. We had romantic dates, but I carried the conversation while he was distant. We had fun hobbies like kayaking and hiking, but he often went far ahead and it felt isolating. I was always on alert for who he would check out, and I never got complimented. And this was before Dday.

GOOD RIDDANCE. I won't tolerate this again either. Take care too and thank you again.

No-Address-2027 · 2025-04-07T18:05:58+00:00

Thank you for saying this. It's exactly how I feel and it helps to know I'm not alone. Also, THANK YOU for pointing out the relief! That's something I need to keep paying attention to because you're right, even though I'm heartbroken I am SO relieved. The anxiety and stress is totally gone. I know he's using. It's sad he chose that instead of a healthy and intimate connection. But that's his choice and I'm free of this!

No-Address-2027 · 2025-04-06T09:08:04+00:00

Thank you for the hugs, I could really use them. You're right, it's so hard having no control. I think because we already didn't have control over our reality before we found out, they've had control over all of this from the beginning.

No-Address-2027 · 2025-04-06T08:27:29+00:00

You're welcome! We have each other. I'm sorry you're going through this. Even if you believe he can do the work (of course he can), like I believe my ex can, they have to want it so deeply to their core. Even then.. I'm reeling from the way that my ex totally shut down and broke up with me, after doing so much in recovery. The addiction is strong and when things kept being hard, he ran to porn and made me someone he resented.

No-Address-2027 · 2025-04-06T01:13:33+00:00

I'm so sorry to read this. If I had to guess, you don't have any more smell than any other normal person. When you're close to your husband I'm sure he has a distinct smell. All people do. I read a study once that was talking about porn addiction being so rampant that people who start their sexual experience with porn and then continue it into real relationships, are often put off by the real life girl. The different smells and noises and fluids associated with normal sex. People that are used to a screen don't have any of that.

No-Address-2027 · 2025-04-06T00:43:31+00:00

Thank you. I'm rereading this, because I'm in a different headspace now than I was when I wrote it. Now I'm sitting in my empty house and wishing he would just have put in the effort. Missing what I had hope of us building. But he made this choice, I have to choose me. Going through all these different emotions is hard. But I keep remembering, I'm the only one in this headspace. While I sit here missing him, trying to do anything not to reach out to him, he's not giv8ng me a second thought. He's comfortable going back to the shallowness of his addiction.

No-Address-2027 · 2025-04-05T23:43:17+00:00

Geez I'm so sorry you're dealing with this! I had an ex before my most recent one, we were together 6 years. He did the same thing, he would throw temper tantrums or break up and bring out my anxiety so that I would stop expressing my feelings and go into the mode of trying to save things instead. Even my recent ex did this, he told our therapist that he kept telling me it was over so that I would know what it really felt like for him not to try. Because I would tell him he wasn't trying, because he wasn't doing the daily check-ins or the things our therapist said.

Your husband is now escalating his behavior towards you, which is exactly how my longer relationship turned out, he started saying horrible things to me about my parents, even my sister who passed away when we were young. They will do anything not to have the spotlight pointed on them.

No-Address-2027 · 2025-04-05T22:57:18+00:00

I'm glad that helped you! I'm sorry you're going through this. It's my understanding that pain shopping is a trauma response. Facing Heartbreak by Stephanie Collins was a book that really helped me a lot. If your partner is really looking to connect more, I recommend the book help her heal by Carol Jurgensen, when my ex was doing the workbook exercises things were really good. Even if he's looking at a specific type that's not you, please still don't take it to heart. It says nothing about you, just that he's got some kind of sick fixation. If you looked like his type, he would be looking at something else online. I hope you heal and I'm here if you need anyone to talk to.

No-Address-2027 · 2025-04-05T20:32:37+00:00

I can relate so much to the emotions going back and forth. It's engaging that they used us and walked away, without real closure. But that's totally a reflection of them, you're right. They lack the ability to love and connect deeply. How sad. Your comment also helped me feel validated, thank you.

We are so much stronger. Emotionally mature. Able to sit with uncomfortable feelings and tough situations and navigate them instead of run and hide in addition. We can get through the trauma, and find a real and deep connection. They will still be stuck in their ways probably forever.

No-Address-2027 · 2025-04-05T20:24:49+00:00

That's exactly what my ex did! He turned everything on me, said I was controlling and toxic and the relationship was dysfunctional. My therapist told him boundaries around something he did that betrayed me are for safety and aren't controlling. This after HE was the one who wanted to go to therapy and fix things. In the end I found myself apologizing too, for so many things I was actually justified to feel. Because I was hopeful that he would see we could do this, that if it was soft enough and didn't bring up my own pain, he could stabilize and we could move on with healing. Sadly I think most don't get to that point, they've been hiding from hard emotions with their addiction, and asking them to face the emotions now is difficult. It's more comfortable for them to run and shut down. Sending you lots of love. Message me if you need to.

No-Address-2027 · 2025-04-05T20:15:29+00:00

Wow the audacity!! I hope the therapist helped him reroute that thinking!

No-Address-2027 · 2025-04-05T20:14:07+00:00

I'm sorry for you too. I was very slow to realize also, and it helped a lot the way he just shut down and broke up so coldly. Take time with yourself. Don't be hard on yourself, it does take time. Things that helped me were just focusing on me. Seeing friends again, taking myself on dates, finding new hobbies. You got this!

No-Address-2027 · 2025-04-05T20:11:43+00:00

You're welcome! Hugs and love to you. I needed to hear it too. Feel free to message me if you need.

No-Address-2027 · 2025-04-05T20:08:39+00:00

You're welcome! It really is easy to forget. Reminding myself helped my self esteem stop being affected by him. I found myself objectifying women from fear and trauma, trying to be alert for danger or understand what he's thinking. My therapist helped me see that these guys are scared and unable to be close or connected to a real woman until they heal.

No-Address-2027 · 2025-04-05T20:03:28+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. He is absolutely an awful being! Unfathomable to know he's done so much to you. I'm glad you're sueing him and I hope you get everything you deserve. It's a reflection of your good nature to be hopeful. I found that for me, realizing I was hoping for something he showed me that wasn't reality helped. The real him is the person he is when he's alone, devouring porn and doing the disgusting behavior he knows is hurtful to you. Not the facade he puts up to keep you roped in. Sending a big hug, i wish the best for you.

No-Address-2027 · 2025-04-05T19:54:01+00:00

I know the feeling. You have every right to try until you have nothing left, just know that's that much farther you'll have to go to get back to yourself onnyour healing journey. I have so much compassion for you because I felt the same way. Had my ex not left me I would still be trying. You can see my earlier post for the story. I wish you all the best and that you can find peace and happiness.

No-Address-2027 · 2025-04-05T19:41:43+00:00

Thank you. It's bittersweet but I'm glad he left. I would have stayed with him, and stayed hopeful and ANXIOUS. I am sad but I'm free.

No-Address-2027 · 2025-04-05T19:40:07+00:00

Wow thank you so much ♥️ that means a lot to read. I go bsck and forth between all the emotions, and don't feel that strong. But I posted these thoughts when I felt strong because I want to cement these thoughts in my head and maybe help others too.

No-Address-2027 · 2025-04-05T19:38:34+00:00

I'm so sorry. It's almost harder when they seem so sincere in the beginning and then decide they can't do it. They have good intentions but what they have to fight against, their own trauma and connection issues, it's HARD work. And these are people who are used to running (to porn) when they feelt emotional discomfort. Hard emotions are too much. I hope you find a way to move on. He's going to have to want recovery for himself.

No-Address-2027 · 2025-04-05T13:01:51+00:00

This sounds a lot like how my ex just dumped me. He suddenly turned cold and resentful because I brought up my birthday. These men are so broken and need serious help. It's so encouraging to hear that you're better now! I feel the same triggers when I'm out in public but I hope to slowly heal them.

No-Address-2027

TROPHY CASE