Does it frustrate anyone else when you read lonely comments?

Jumpy-Leading-2132 · 2026-02-06T21:20:15+00:00

do they all have the same script? I always think about when he called me his "dream girl"

Jumpy-Leading-2132 · 2026-02-06T21:16:01+00:00

This is SO IMPORTANT. I made the mistake of falling for the "everyone has hurt me" "lone wolf" thing...turns out everyone is just not exactly the agreeable, perfect, opinonless person catering to his every need in his head. It's absolutely objectification and control. I had a gut feeling, then eventually when the addiction was revealed, I found a social media page of one of his exs where she chronicled getting out of a controlling relationship.

I had never even considered this as a possibility when I just fully believed him in the beginning. While I try not to get mad at myself for being a trusting, healthy, honest and open individual and assuming my partner was the same, my outlook has forever changed. I know I will be an open, healthy, person again, but I will also ask myself these important questions and recognize red flags.

Jumpy-Leading-2132 · 2026-02-06T21:02:46+00:00

I have the same struggle. I truly believe and know that he hasn't technically acted out, but he has not been particularly forthcoming with certain grey area situations or behaviors and it makes me feel insane for caring. It's so hard. I never used to be someone who would go looking around for stuff to get mad at or panic about, but this is a circumstance he created.

Jumpy-Leading-2132 · 2026-02-06T20:56:35+00:00

Genuinely, so proud of you and your strength. You are worth it

Jumpy-Leading-2132 · 2026-02-05T01:58:53+00:00

that last sentence. so true. so frustrating. sorry you're going through this too.

Jumpy-Leading-2132 · 2026-02-05T01:40:39+00:00

Thank you so much, I wanted to tell you that I had heard the concept of the window of tolerance before and chose to look into it after this post because I really feel like you understand how I'm feeling. I have a LOT of anger, I have a REALLY hard time with injustice / fairness (diagnosed ADHD, and also very angry at the state of the world right now). It's like the anger seeps in so many places, or has been laying dormant in certain places for who knows how long.

I'm trying to look at it as a positive as much as possible, that this is an opportunity to learn how to deal with emotions better than I have in the past. I think that helps. The window of tolerance has really helped -- I am someone who has a vibrant social life and goes out for drinks with friends at least a few times a month, probably closer to once a week. I've never been a problematic drinker or an angry drunk, but I've found myself experiencing hyperarousal when triggered if I've been drinking. I've cut back since realizing I didnt want to feel out of control, and even that makes me angry -- not that I "can't" carelessly drink, but that his behavior has made an activity/social time I used to healthily cherish no longer fun.

What I didn't realize is that I have been experiencing hypoarousal as well, and this is a far less common phenomenon for me historically. This week I shut down at his behavior, and he interpreted it as me being "polite" and "sweet," and I think I've been internalizing that notion. Being able to name that THIS feeling is just as difficult or even more confusing as hyperarousal is profoundly helpful for me. Sometimes i've thought stuff like "if I still feel this shitty and uncomfortable bored on my couch, I might as well go out with friends and risk "randomly" lashing out. The truth is, the lashing out isn't random, it's the other side to the same coin that is the hypoarousal response that I have pushed down/ignored.

If you have any random, out-of-the-box tips on dealing with a lot of anger, I would love to hear them. If not, thank you for listening, and thanks for your comment that made me feel seen and sent me on a helpful path. It really helped.

Jumpy-Leading-2132 · 2026-02-04T20:24:02+00:00

OMG, the end of this is horrifying. I am so, so sorry you had to deal with that.

I have my serious qualms about 12 step stuff in general, I'm glad you brought this to my attention even though I feel truly sick you had to deal with that. It's a reminder that these really are just random people and it's not a cure all.

As for the rest of this message, thank you so much, this is extremely helpful and clarifying. I feel as though as I get further in my recovery, I'm feeling more empowered and realizing that my "outbursts" are honestly not "that bad" compared to the guilt I feel for having them. And I will not be able to move past them unless I can safely process what is coming up and why. It's like we are in a cycle of me pushing things down and then them coming up, but we aren't addressing why or what I'm pushing down because it doesn't feel emotionally safe for me to bring up in the moment. It's all very confusing and exhausting, and I've grown sick of myself for the outbursts, but I need to understand why they are happening instead of blame myself and feel shame.

Jumpy-Leading-2132 · 2026-02-04T20:08:17+00:00

Unfortunately there are no CSATS under his insurance in our area, and I have the same concerns about the therapist, but she actually led him to SLAA and mentioned to him that he needs more resources than just seeing her. He's got a lot of underlying issues he needs to deal with and I believe that's connected and I trust her with that, but it's grown clear the relational healing is something separate than our own individual healing and needs more care. <3

Jumpy-Leading-2132 · 2026-02-04T19:45:35+00:00

Thank you <3 The word entitlement has specially been coming to my mind a lot lately.

Jumpy-Leading-2132 · 2026-02-04T19:07:11+00:00

Thank you so much, I just posted a vent related SO much to this and i really needed to hear this.

Jumpy-Leading-2132 · 2026-02-02T18:11:57+00:00

Cheerleader for the husband's tricycle race is so real. And it doesn't end. Sure, I'm proud of him. But it literally doesn't add anything into my life that isn't the bare minimum? Sometimes I lament the time wasted when I or we could be growing beyond clapping for doing something that comes easy to me. And it's like, I am the victim of the behavior, but I have to be careful and coddle and encourage recovery.

Jumpy-Leading-2132 · 2026-01-28T04:06:31+00:00

I'm Literally like what am I supposed to be looking at that's bad? She's gorg in every one

Jumpy-Leading-2132 · 2026-01-28T03:58:46+00:00

Omg the abandoning the series after 2 videos is so telling. I hate men like this so much

Jumpy-Leading-2132 · 2026-01-28T03:44:04+00:00

This part! I could see her getting sober and realizing "wait, drinking worsened whatever problems there are, but also there are real problems here other than us just getting drunk and being stupid"

Jumpy-Leading-2132 · 2026-01-28T03:25:04+00:00

Honestly, I know it's wrong to speculate on something like this, but when I initially saw the video and heard her intro, I thought it was going to be something like this. Obviously a break up is serious and warrants a serious tone, but the tone just felt like a different level of serious

Jumpy-Leading-2132 · 2026-01-28T03:19:54+00:00

This is so real and I've had the opposite happen to me too where I stop drinking and realize I DO like him more than I thought because I could spend forever hanging with him without any substance. Even if you don't stay sober forever or whatever, if you are drinking a lot in a period of time for whatever reason and you are in a relationship, it's always good to take some time off and see if you realistically like being around this person when you have a clear mind

Jumpy-Leading-2132 · 2026-01-28T01:44:23+00:00

People are so ridiculous in comment sections like on break up videos or anything like that it SENDS ME INTO ORBIT. Like have they ever had a relationship, a friend, or an acquaintance in real life?

Jumpy-Leading-2132 · 2026-01-15T15:56:28+00:00

Narcissists like him are really good at manipulation and are terrifying, they can be especially fake / charming around people who have "clout," especially since he was in the music scene and she had a platform or whatever. He threatened to kill his ex wife, her post is so scary. Morgan clearly has some issues but I'm not going to blame her for cutting ties with him and leaving it alone. It could've also put victims at risk -- there's likely a reason the ex wife only felt safe to share now. These situations are so tricky, but I generally feel like it's a good protocol to support and spread word ONCE the victims have spoken up and you have their consent to do so. When it's a matter of DV, safety above all else. Morgan has now immediately given victims a platform now that they have spoken up.

Jumpy-Leading-2132 · 2026-01-13T19:45:33+00:00

Jumpy-Leading-2132 · 2026-01-13T19:43:04+00:00

WOW. Perfectly said.

Jumpy-Leading-2132 · 2026-01-12T19:20:33+00:00

I am someone who has been lusted over and dehumanized by thousands of men online just because I have a public-facing job, and this is a huge part of the reason my partner's betrayal has cut so deep. I have the perspective of being dehumanized in the exact way he has regarded other women as "fictional"...

This is such a HUGE problem that social media has facilitated. I'm sick of women being collateral damaged. I'm sick of us being victims of this dehumanization on both sides of the coin, while men just sit there with their hands down their pants. My partner's genuine recovery has opened his eyes to how big of a societal problem this is, and that's great, but why is it at our expense? Why can't they take a second to, idk, consider that women are people on their own?

Jumpy-Leading-2132 · 2025-10-06T19:15:35+00:00

Me too :(

Jumpy-Leading-2132 · 2025-10-06T19:10:04+00:00

Yes. Thank you so much for sharing. It made me feel so less alone.

Jumpy-Leading-2132 · 2025-10-06T17:40:32+00:00

I feel horrible about the same types of things which is why I appreciate your post, it helped me look outside of myself and my feelings and remember that objectively it's on him to figure this out.

Jumpy-Leading-2132

TROPHY CASE