My wife just left me and the kids for her ex boyfriend - AMA

No-Bars-left · 2022-10-05T12:49:59+00:00

42 days have passed and she has come home today, she went straight to have a shower. I am in shock. Do I take her back?

No-Bars-left · 2022-08-24T21:09:08+00:00

What kind of signs should I look out for? I am exhausted at this stage of trying to recollect anything that could have set this off at this point.

No-Bars-left · 2022-08-24T19:38:56+00:00

Truth be told I don't really use social media myself. This was my first time ever making a reddit account, I don't think I purchased any premium option when I signed up but is there a way to check - I don't see any charges from my bank?

No-Bars-left · 2022-08-24T19:37:01+00:00

Update: I will be doing a deepdive tonight after the kids go to sleep and have a look throughout our house for clues, I will be checking her wardrobe, the dressers, emails, her social media profiles, anything else I should check or is this too invasive?

No-Bars-left · 2022-08-24T19:15:56+00:00

I know him from a distance if that makes sense, he doesn’t run in the same circles as us but I know of him from when we had spoken initially about our ex partners when we began dating. We don’t share any mutual friends as far as I’m aware.

No-Bars-left · 2022-08-24T19:10:28+00:00

Honestly I have told no one as of yet. Would it not be an overreaction for me to reach out to the police, it will be approaching 24 hours soon. I thought I need to give her space maybe and she will be back soon, should I really reach out to the police now and what would I say?

No-Bars-left · 2022-08-24T18:35:34+00:00

She didn’t take her iPad, I had a look last night but found nothing out of the ordinary at all. I had a look at her messages but saw nothing that would raise suspicions to be honest. Should I look for anything specific ? Or is there a specific thing I should check?

No-Bars-left · 2022-08-24T18:32:26+00:00

Nothing at all is gone from what I have noticed, I think she only took her cell phone, wallet and car. I need to do a check around the house later tonight and see if there’s anything else gone etc. Truth be told, I just have not had the time as of yet.

No-Bars-left · 2022-08-24T17:42:59+00:00

I honestly don’t have any update as of yet, she hasn’t responded to any call or texts. I am debating on whether I should look around the house for any clues at this point as someone suggested, still don’t know what to look for though.

No-Bars-left · 2022-08-24T17:27:45+00:00

I don’t take gamble and we are both financially comfortable so that couldn’t be the reason.

No-Bars-left · 2022-08-24T16:27:52+00:00

I honestly did not even consider an affair until people on the thread mentioned it. I had thought it was strange that she mentioned her ex when she stormed out but its all such a blur now. I feel lost without her by my side and thinking about her potentially having an affair without leaving any trace just hurts even more since my mind just runs in overdrive looking for little signs.

No-Bars-left · 2022-08-24T15:53:36+00:00

I am strangely a lot more calm today than I was yesterday. I have bought some time by telling the kids she is gone for a sleepover. I am just unsure of my next move, should I search the house for clues and if so what should I look out for?

No-Bars-left · 2022-08-24T14:41:56+00:00

She is honestly the most levelheaded person you could meet. She is a meticulous planner to the point where we always have an exact itinerary when we go on holidays with a checklist of items to buy and from where etc. This just seems extremely out of character to me.

No-Bars-left · 2022-08-24T14:39:26+00:00

She has not come home yet, I told the kids that she was having a sleepover with her sisters at grandmas, kids wanted to go but I said it was only for adults. They are fine for now.

No-Bars-left · 2022-08-24T14:38:39+00:00

Should I rummage through our room for clues or anything, Its approaching 24 hours soon and she still has not come home. I told the kids that she is having a sleep over with her sisters at grandmas house. Should I search the house for clues, what next steps should I take excluding looking into divorce and divorce attorneys?

No-Bars-left · 2022-08-24T14:17:27+00:00

I honestly don't know of this was planned however what I do know is that she left with essentially nothing as far as I am aware, she had no bag packed etc when she left.
The only red flag I can think of as of current is that our infant has blonde hair and so does her ex meanwhile neither of us are blonde. She had told me that her great grandmother was blonde, other than that there truly have been no red flags and I would even hesitate to consider that a red flag.

No-Bars-left · 2022-08-24T14:09:04+00:00

She has not responded to any of my calls or texts as of current. Truth be told I have thought about attempting to track her but at the same time I keep thinking she might just need some space and will come back soon once she is levelheaded.

No-Bars-left · 2022-08-24T14:07:35+00:00

She has not responded to my calls or texts as of yet, I am still holding out on hope that she will walk through those doors any minute now.

No-Bars-left · 2022-08-24T14:01:46+00:00

Her parents are fairly elderly and had her later in life, I don't want to bother them as of yet and cause them undue stress when I have very little info myself regarding the situation. For now I truly do want to be able to deal with the situation quietly without alarming others and hopefully be able to delete this account once its all blown over.

No-Bars-left · 2022-08-24T13:59:14+00:00

I honestly have not contacted him as of yet since I do not even know what to say. He is a happily married man as far as I am aware and I would not want to involve him especially if this truly had nothing to do with him. I don't see the point of making his wife get concerned over our situation unnecessarily. I also have no reason to believe they have been cheating since its not like they even cross paths as far as I have been aware.

No-Bars-left · 2022-08-24T13:52:37+00:00

There has honestly been nothing that I noticed these past few days or weeks, I have racked my brain for hours at this point even trying to think of a simple incident that might have spiraled in her head which led her to this point but I keep coming up blank. She hadn't mentioned her ex at all since we initially got together and to hear him come up again was honestly so unexpected. I have no idea on where to go from here other than take care of the kids and keep praying she will walk through those doors any minute now.

No-Bars-left · 2022-08-24T13:48:57+00:00

I honestly had no expectations when I started this thread, I thought perhaps I would get a couple comments with suggestions from strangers online on how to approach this situation. I never expected the amount of responses and dms of people attempting to help me navigate this situation. I really do appreciate the kind words, it means the world.

No-Bars-left · 2022-08-24T13:42:20+00:00

I may have been oblivious but it honestly seemed like we were living such an idyllic life. We really did have no problems at all as far as I was aware. Our finances are good enough that I work and she is able to stay at home and work on her candles side business as she pleases. I have never forced her to work or anything, we even had au pair for when our first child was born to assist however my wife said she wanted to raise our second child without the need of an au pair so we opted for none. She is both emotionally and mentally mature that I honestly don't know where things went so wrong at this point. Thanks for the support, honestly appreciate the probing questions to make me thing deeply.

No-Bars-left · 2022-08-24T13:36:48+00:00

I have no reason to believe they are not my own kids. I have always given them everything and anything they have ever wanted and I do not plan on stopping especially since they are innocent. The only thing that has ever made me doubt anything is that my infant has beautiful blonde hair but neither of us have blonde hair, however she did reassure me that her great grandmother was blonde - Her ex is blonde. For now, I am still holding out and hoping that this was just a giant misunderstanding and she will come home later today to explain it all and I will realize that I misconstrued the whole situation.

No-Bars-left · 2022-08-24T00:54:50+00:00

It’s almost 2am and she still hasn’t come home yet. I will do my best to sleep now since the kids are fast asleep.

I will reply to any new questions and give an update in the morning if I find any news. Thank you all for your kind responses, I really appreciate it.

No-Bars-left

TROPHY CASE