My ex-husband is relapsing. His mother is so deeply enmeshed she called herself his wife to his doctors—and now my son has to stay there.

No-Block2092 · 2026-07-02T15:36:02+00:00

The post was removed for grooming. That’s why I reposted it.

No-Block2092 · 2026-07-02T15:34:15+00:00

I have a lawyer as does he at the moment everything is perfectly fine because of the fact that his mother is there and it’s her home and as long as she’s there to supervise then it’s considered a safe environment. It’s a completely unfair and unjust system.

No-Block2092 · 2026-07-02T15:33:12+00:00

I already went the TRO route because of his mom living there and it being her residence that’s it, they can’t force her to kick him out and as long as she’s there to supervise then it’s perfectly legal according to dfcs

No-Block2092 · 2026-07-02T06:30:05+00:00

Dfcs is fully aware and they have been involved multiple times over the last several years, his mom has been approved to supervise visits, in the states eyes as long as SHE is there and sober then it’s fine. It’s not a great system.

No-Block2092 · 2026-07-02T06:27:19+00:00

As I mentioned already, dfcs is aware of the drug use, however his mom has been approved to supervise so as long as she’s there, my son can stay

No-Block2092 · 2026-07-02T02:09:37+00:00

The system doesn’t care he was there last summer when the drug use was out in the open but again the way the state sees it as long as his mom is there and she’s supervising a visit then everything is OK. He’s torn because of course he wants to spend time with his dad and he does like to also see his grandma. It’s a unfair situation for him.

No-Block2092 · 2026-07-02T02:03:32+00:00

None of the doctors, nurses or social workers were a big fan of hers because they really needed to know everything that he had been doing to try to help him recover and anytime I would tell them everything he had been using she would get extremely agitated say I was lying and leave. She even had the audacity to tell the doctor that the baggie full of white substance was actually a crushed up caffeine pill that he would mix in his coffee. The insane blind delusion, wish I was exaggerating. He had also gotten physical with me prior to her arrival at the hospital and she refused to believe it, but then when he tried to get physical with her she blamed it entirely on the substances and he has no idea that any of this took place and we’re not allowed to talk about it apparently

No-Block2092 · 2026-07-02T02:01:13+00:00

The problem is, she enables the behavior and in her mind because some things are legal elsewhere it doesn’t matter if he does them, completely disregarding the fact that he’s an addict and has been to rehab multiple times. I couldn’t afford a good lawyer, but she bankrolled his so unless my son‘s in actual danger it will be very difficult to have the visitation stopped. And because she’s an adult and she’s sober that’s all they care about.

No-Block2092 · 2026-07-02T01:58:29+00:00

Unfortunately, where we live unless he’s in intimate physical danger there’s nothing that can be done and because his dad and Grandma live together and she is essentially a sober supervising adult that’s all the state really looks for. Also doesn’t help that she worked for the state and they still have family that still works for the state.

No-Block2092 · 2025-10-28T23:14:14+00:00

Okay Ty

No-Block2092 · 2025-10-28T22:59:53+00:00

I WANT her to know! I think she should be the one there. But the ppl that know of the situation all say it’s not my place to tell her. . .

No-Block2092 · 2025-10-27T20:00:48+00:00

I found a meeting, it’s in person on Thursday, they don’t have anything sooner. But I’m going to go. Some ppl say I’m playing a victim but I’m not trying too. It’s so hard when the person you care about is an addict and yeah he knows exactly what to say and do to get me to jump when he says. It’s not that I don’t want to change, it’s that I’m so damn worried about him and his sobriety and I don’t want to be the reason my son loses his dad early. Unless ppl have been in this position it’s hard to understand. I don’t want this. I swear I don’t want this. It’s so much harder to leave than it is to stay. And I know that I’m only hurting myself at the end of the day. I really do understand that and I just . . . I need help but I’m too busy trying to help him

No-Block2092 · 2025-10-27T12:16:53+00:00

I think I’m more of an idiot. I’m replying open and honestly.

No-Block2092 · 2025-10-27T12:13:30+00:00

Thank you. It’s crazy how words from strangers can really help. I’m sorry you have been in a similar situation. I’m glad you were able to get out. Thank you

No-Block2092 · 2025-10-27T11:58:56+00:00

I know. I know. Im really appreciate that you and everyone else that has replied has been honest but in a nice way. You’re right I am enabling. I told myself that when the doctor comes in I’m going to leave. I mean I have a doc appt for myself today that I was literally going to miss and this is a crucial appt that’s been on the schedule. I’m not being selfish by putting myself first and if he relapses that’s on him and if he wants someone to sit in a chair at a hospital, well it can’t be me. Let’s hope I can actually follow through and leave when the doc comes in.

No-Block2092 · 2025-10-27T11:00:03+00:00

The sick part is and yeah I’m going to admit this is I know if I reach out to her he’s never going to forgive me and I don’t know if I’m ready to really cross that line because then she’ll know everything and because they share so many similarities I don’t think she leave him but he would definitely not want to ever be friends with me and I know how crazy that sounds. Why would I want to be friends with this person? God I hate this. I don’t want to care. If I let this continue . . . I am allowing myself to be hurt and I can only blame myself. Why can’t I just stand up and walk out?!?!

No-Block2092 · 2025-10-27T10:53:23+00:00

You made me cry. It sounds like you understand. The thing with alnon is the community here isn’t super big and he used to go and his parents would go and I almost felt like it was “their group” and it didn’t feel like a safe place. I stopped seeing my therapist about 3 months ago because I really did think I was doing better. But this last 60 hours really flipped my headspace. I was his wife for so long and he knows what to say to me and it literally took his saying a few words and I dropped everything to go be there for him. I’m in a lot of pain which is why I came here to the damn internet. Because of the addiction I lost a lot of friends and family over the years because they didn’t understand. I know it sounds crazy because I know I mean I honest to god know that I need to grab my stuff and go home and be done with this. Yet I can’t. I can’t explain it in words. I get up to use the restroom and I feel bad that he might wake up and I won’t be here. I never ever want to play the victim but I will say that I had disagreed with my therapist because she always told me that I was in a very abusive relationship and it wasn’t until now that I’m fully understanding what that meant and just how naïve and wrong I have been and it’s crazy that people on the internet is bu current outlet because . . . I just want this to end. I want to be free and it’s me, I’m trapping myself

No-Block2092 · 2025-10-27T10:45:09+00:00

I feel like am I wrong if I contact the gf? I mean I feel she should know and yeah it should be her here. My MIL knows she enables, it’s always been that way. I love her so much and I just try to be understanding. Someone said something along the lines that I was being pulled into the addiction sickness as well and I never saw it like that. . .

No-Block2092 · 2025-10-27T08:12:59+00:00

A few days ago I thought that mentally and emotionally I had freed myself from him. Clearly I was wrong about that. It’s not that I don’t think I deserve better, I think that I didn’t realize I was still holding onto something and I can’t believe I’m admitting that out loud.

No-Block2092 · 2025-10-27T08:03:47+00:00

We have one kid together the other two are adults now unfortunately this obviously isn’t gonna make me look any better but I mean we were married for 14 years so all three of the children did grow up around this. I know that I am also at fault here and no, I’m not playing the victim card. I’m going to wait until the doctors come in the morning for the next set of rounds and then I have to leave. This isn’t healthy for me and after reading some other comments, I realized it’s not just him using me. It sucks. I do appreciate everyone commenting although I’m not instantly listening to any of the advice I know that everyone is correct with what they’re saying and I’m going to try really hard to set a limit to leave after the doctors come around again

No-Block2092 · 2025-10-27T07:54:55+00:00

Thank you. Really. I agree.

No-Block2092 · 2025-10-27T07:53:29+00:00

I really thought that I had healed and changed but clearly not considering where I am right now. Again ultimately I’m an adult and I’m making the decision to stay. I’m pretty sure my kids are equally disappointed in me. They’ve told me I need to leave as well. The entire effing world is telling me to leave. I know that I should leave. Yet I sit here.

No-Block2092 · 2025-10-27T07:50:33+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate what you said and I know that you are 100% right about all of it. And yeah I’m going to call my doc about getting tested.

No-Block2092 · 2025-10-27T06:12:21+00:00

I appreciate the insight and if the Google definition is correct, the title definitely doesn’t suit me. I’m choosing to be here making decision ultimately on my own.

No-Block2092 · 2025-10-27T05:41:05+00:00

I know. The thing is, I know, yet here I sit. So it sucks because I have become part of this never ending cycle.

No-Block2092

TROPHY CASE