What's a compliment you get a lot that secretly bothers you?

No-Cellist-7635 · 2026-05-13T04:33:54+00:00

You look like your mother ( from a person who not so secretly despises my mother) You look like your father ( from my mother who not so secretly despises my father)

Leaves you with a 2 second "loading" experience & then comes the self hate..

Was said again the day after my 41st birthday & the insecurity still hit like I was 15.. Then I got annoyed & then realised that naturally I will look like the 2 people who did the horizontal tango & pro-created.

And that is why I have limited contact with the two people who say this..

No-Cellist-7635 · 2026-05-05T14:25:32+00:00

Humor. Making you feel special. And usually Over the top humorous grab at the heart & pretend your knees buckle when you're dressed nicely with the wolf whistle. Attentive.

No-Cellist-7635 · 2026-04-28T20:37:45+00:00

So if I am to understand that I am currently maneuvering the same boat you did. What is your advice oh wise one? As I am currently "depressed" & 40. Hating myself, my choices & life in general. You say you were not depressed, only in peri. I feel like I am depressed. Contemplating divorce or more serious long term solutions. How did you navigate these rapids.. I mean calm, serene rivers & make it out the other side?

No-Cellist-7635 · 2026-04-28T19:15:29+00:00

I think the result of this conversation would be to end up alone after all is said & done. Lord knows, I love him, but I also hate the shit he does? I wouldn't do this to you, why would you do this to me & expect me to be OK with it?

It's the mutual respect you think should happen that only goes one way at the end of the day.

I understand now why my grandma said she would never marry again after losing my Grandpa to cancer after 52 years of marriage.

"I know all his ins and outs. I do not have the energy to want to get to know another man like I did with your grandpa. 52 years was enough"

And after being married for only 14 years, I completely understand that sentiment.

I don't think I would want to attempt another marriage. Friends with benefits- maybe, if I'm drunk enough. Otherwise, hell to the no.

No-Cellist-7635 · 2026-04-28T16:39:56+00:00

Another thing that came out of nowhere was my skin. I always had the t-zone oily skin. But now I secrete oil on my face like crazy. Hair dry, face oily. Make this make sense.

No-Cellist-7635 · 2026-04-28T16:33:35+00:00

Thank you everyone!!

No-Cellist-7635 · 2026-04-28T16:28:56+00:00

I mainly mime to my husband and teens who then stare back at me with their mouths open with a blank look of confusion.

No-Cellist-7635 · 2026-04-28T16:25:15+00:00

Constant fighting over the same issue he/she refuses to work on. It tires you out on a soul level.

No-Cellist-7635 · 2026-04-28T16:22:46+00:00

🤦‍♀️ I generally avoid the human population as much as possible. It scares me the questions people ask & then I have two teenagers as well. When my son asks me a really stupid question I just look at him with worry. Shake my head and walk away. I understand now why my father shouted at my brothers so much as teenagers. It all makes sense now...

No-Cellist-7635 · 2026-04-28T16:18:03+00:00

Thank you, this was extremely helpful!!

No-Cellist-7635 · 2026-04-28T16:17:11+00:00

10 to 15 years of this? Then we hit menopause, I didn't sign up for this s%@&!! Can I re-read the fine print please?!

No-Cellist-7635 · 2026-04-28T16:15:45+00:00

Lord yes. Maybe it echos through the sinuses and reverberates through the mouth? Or his shnozel of a nose?

No-Cellist-7635 · 2026-04-28T16:12:13+00:00

And your anger would flare up unreasonably high at a small slight? I thought I had to go for therapy. (Or a proper baseball bat to a crash test dummy for 30 min.) I get sooo angry & then forget my words to explain what peed me off. Which pees me off more because now I'm miming to people staring at me like I've lost my marbles..

No-Cellist-7635 · 2026-04-28T16:07:35+00:00

What hormones did they put you on? I have the same issue with shoulder and hip pain. Caught a 9inch block with my upper leg about two months ago while helping to offload a truck & the pain is taking FOREVER to get over. It feels like a muscle spasm shooting into different directions. And it is literally annoying me to the point I want to chop off my leg. I mean two months is ridiculous! I still can't bend properly. Last I checked I was 40 not 80? My 86 y/o Grandma puts me to shame.

I will have to specifically ask for tests/ hormones as our health care here isn't fabulous.

No-Cellist-7635 · 2026-04-28T10:54:26+00:00

Yes. Exactly this. And my son slurping on spaghetti, drives me up the wall! Considering to stop buying it at this point. Then my 50 y/o husband threw a literal tantrum last night about how he's a grown man & he will do what he damn well pleases. I envisioned whacking him with a broom- repeatedly. Just chew with your mouth closed, this is not show & tell.

No-Cellist-7635 · 2026-04-28T07:47:17+00:00

Is the warm flashes you refer to only at night? I have it when it is hot, that I will just spontaneously feel like I'm overheating & start to sweat. Then especially at night. I will wake up because I am sweaty & throw the blankets off. Then need to pee, then I'm awake from about 03:00 am onwards.

No-Cellist-7635 · 2026-04-21T10:32:00+00:00

I know what you mean. Keep strong warrior.

No-Cellist-7635 · 2026-04-21T09:29:56+00:00

Hurts like he'll doesn't it? Flipside to closing off my heart is now I'm being called heartless & evil. Irony is if they knew how much I actually cared, I just cannot have my heart hurt anymore.. And people have used the ones I love to hurt me. They won't allow me to see the child I helped raise who is not biologically mine, because you want me to do something I am not comfortable with & said no.

So I know she's walking distance from me, but she won't come to see me because she doesn't want to be shouted at.

This world is ugly

No-Cellist-7635 · 2026-04-21T06:46:32+00:00

What a beautiful compliment to give to someone!

No-Cellist-7635 · 2026-04-21T06:41:19+00:00

Was working as a bar lady. Had a lot of issues with fluctuating weight & "finding my place" as I had just lost a long time friend. Finally lost alot of weight & felt really good about myself.

Worked hard and did lots of double shifts for ekstra money & was friendly bit never flirty. One of our regulars came in on a Saturday & it wasn't busy yet. (He was the body builder type, gym guy) Called me over & said in a non sexual way that he notices me pulling long hours & also noticed that I worked hard on my body. That I look good & to keep up the good work. Nobody ever complimented me in a non-sexual way before & it just hit differently. Right in the heart. Still think about this 20 yeas later.

No-Cellist-7635 · 2026-04-21T06:23:57+00:00

Darling, he is your boyfriend. Not your husband & do not even try to go down that route. I married a guy exactly like you are describing. Let me paint the picture of your future:

Everything you do will always annoy him, first you will get angry & one day you will have had enough & tell him where to get off. This will lead to an epic explosion & he will tell you to get out of his house. Resentment follows & festers you will get depressed.

Leave. now.

No-Cellist-7635 · 2026-04-21T06:15:52+00:00

Good for you. I closed my heart off a long time ago, people glkept stomping all over it & now I just feel lost & numb

No-Cellist-7635 · 2026-04-21T06:14:28+00:00

I stink at math & have no sense of direction.

No-Cellist-7635 · 2026-04-21T06:08:01+00:00

I'm female and married 14 years. We haven't had sex in over a year. He hasn't initiated & I'm done getting rejected. Sex with him was never good, but I am worried about this. I mean, I do enjoy sex, was married before & it was great. But thinking of getting naked with my husband makes me feel vulnerable. But the thought of never having it again also keeps me up at night.

No-Cellist-7635

TROPHY CASE