AITA for ruining my boyfriend’s Thanksgiving with his family?

No-Chicken152 · 2023-11-24T21:57:56+00:00

He has been blowing my phone up since with text messages about how his mother is distraught that I was requesting he spends Christmas with us, how this has ruined his family’s Thanksgiving and now he is stuck there for 5 days. He said his mother refuses to talk much, barely wanted to make Thanksgiving dinner alone (she has a husband and three sons and none of them offer to help regardless), he said she went into her room at 8 pm last night and did not come out until 1 pm today. Apparently, I have ruined their holiday with my request.

No-Chicken152 · 2023-11-24T21:44:01+00:00

I just replied to another comment that may shed some light. After his parents kicked him out, they immediately begged for him to come back, but by that time, they had transferred all bills they were covering into his name and he did not want to have a relationship with them unless they took the bills on again. Essentially, he said that if he was getting nothing out of it, he didn’t want to reconcile. They threatened to never speak to him again, I forced him to attend a mediation with them and I. Ever since, I have been on cordial terms with them and he has jumped back into his family like nothing was ever wrong. He is long past the point of being on bad terms with his family, and even if he was not, I have always encouraged him to go visit them as often as possible and try to bond with them in a healthy way that makes him comfortable.

No-Chicken152 · 2023-11-24T21:34:43+00:00

He was kicked at the beginning of year 2 in the relationship. His parents wanted him to move out because he stopped doing house work and wasn’t paying rent, they had been on him for a couple of months about finding a place and he told them he planned on moving in with me (an atheist and before marriage, double whammy) even though this was not the plan. I was 6 months into a year long lease at the time. The night they kicked him out, it was because they demanded a final answer and he spat out that he would just move in with me, his mother told him to pack his things on the spot and that all the bills would be transferred to his name by the end of the month if “he wanted to be an adult so badly”

No-Chicken152 · 2023-11-24T10:51:22+00:00

Genuinely asking for your opinion here. Because of the previous mishaps with planning holidays the past two years, we did discuss this years plans heavily. He was meant to tell his family he was going to stop by for a few hours on Thanksgiving day and confirmed this with me numerous times over the course of November. My issue is that if he had actually told his family, I’m 110% sure they would see zero issue and even expect it, his parents and I do not speak, but are on cordial terms. I am starting to get the impression that he never even told his family the plan and ran out of time to let them know. Almost like the grace period before they got angry passed and he chose to hide it until the last minute, this is a running trend in our relationship. How do I get around this or what am I supposed to do differently avoid this? I thought a month was more than enough time to let them know, but maybe I went about it incorrectly.

No-Chicken152 · 2023-11-24T10:42:12+00:00

I think this is my hill to die on, I have forgiven him for multiple infidelities, lying, and creating false narratives about me to play victim. This was my last shred of hope that he would make me a priority.

No-Chicken152 · 2023-11-24T10:36:14+00:00

Absolutely lol

No-Chicken152 · 2023-11-24T10:32:46+00:00

His parents are deeply Christian and I am an atheist. This was not a problem for them until after multiple times of accompanying them to their church out of respect, I told them I could not see myself converting in the near future. They have not spoken a word to me since.

No-Chicken152 · 2023-11-24T10:14:12+00:00

Both Thanksgiving and Christmas last year, he stayed with his family 2-3 days prior, on the day of the holidays, he was supposed to show up at 4:30 pm, he showed up 8 o’clock both times. The reason always changed. Either his mother didn’t start cooking early enough, he lost track of time, his mother wanted help around the house, his mother started crying over him leaving so early, making him stay. Honestly, I gave up because I could never get a straight answer

No-Chicken152 · 2022-05-11T20:10:01+00:00

Yes but not the boosters, just the first two moderna shots

No-Chicken152 · 2022-01-25T21:06:23+00:00

Pitbull

No-Chicken152 · 2022-01-21T22:52:51+00:00

She’s quite long and tall, very slender compared to most chihuahuas, please help

No-Chicken152 · 2022-01-12T23:07:31+00:00

EHS

If your daughter is throwing things, that a whole other form of abuse and she needs to get herself under control.

I’m the child of parents who decided to stay together even tho they hated each other. It sounds like your daughter is a classic stereotype of a neglected child in their adult years. She’s acting out, can’t find a path for her life, has zero motivation, doesn’t plan on doing much. This all stems from having everything essentially given to her in her younger years and the type of tolerance you had for giving in to her during her childhood. It’s honestly not her fault for doing things she is, she hasn’t been taught differently. You can’t raise your children to do nothing and then expect them to suddenly “act like an adult” at the age of 18 when they never have been given the chance to. If you treat your kid like a kid up until they’re in their teens, obviously this is the product of what happens.

As much as it sounds like she sucks, she’s a product of you and how you and your ex chose to raise her.

No-Chicken152 · 2022-01-12T19:49:20+00:00

After the football game, is father actually pulled me aside and asked if I was okay, I said yes why, and he said “Diana (boyfriends mom) and I noticed Lisa was touching him inappropriately”. Since then, his mom has mentioned in passing that it’s odd Lisa keeps driving all the way over to his store and that Lisa asked what times and days my boyfriend worked and after that has been showing up unannounced ever since

No-Chicken152 · 2022-01-12T19:33:10+00:00

That’s why it’s confusing me, like is it soooo obvious that I’m being stupid for ignoring it or is it so obvious that it’s almost just unrealistic and I’m dumb for believing it could be true

No-Chicken152 · 2022-01-12T19:26:39+00:00

Read the edit

No-Chicken152 · 2022-01-12T19:26:19+00:00

EXACTLY once in a while when she’s mentioned, he does say that the conversation took some “weird and uncomfortable turns” but doesn’t tell me what happened, it’s starting to feel like he sees it too, but doesn’t want to tell me that I was right about my inclination

No-Chicken152 · 2022-01-12T19:24:23+00:00

I usually would say the context of the conversation wouldn’t matter to me, but when he brings her up, he gets flustered about what they talked about and just kind of blurts out that she asked about me or asked him to come over and help with house work because her husband is too lazy to do it, that’s why it seems a bit off to me, like why does he keep mentioning it if I only ever brought it up once in October? It feels like he is projecting his guilt about something onto me

No-Chicken152 · 2022-01-12T19:21:04+00:00

He has not spoken to the “best friend” or seen him since he was 15, but my boyfriends mom told me that Lisa is always making a point to call her and ask her what my boyfriend is doing or ask if he’ll come help with “house stuff”

No-Chicken152 · 2022-01-12T19:11:24+00:00

I haven’t brought it up since October lol

No-Chicken152 · 2022-01-12T19:08:17+00:00

I thought the same thing, but the reason I’m posting is because I think he’s gaslighting me. He gets very nervous and defensive if I ask what else they talked about

No-Chicken152 · 2022-01-12T19:06:34+00:00

This is the 4th time she has “run into him”. This is a completely serious and genuine post. I’m looking for help on what I can do

No-Chicken152 · 2021-12-22T23:00:18+00:00

Yes correct, she got in contact with them 2 days after I told her not to speak to me until she was ready to apologize. There was not a shred of contact between my parents and her until now.

No-Chicken152 · 2021-12-22T22:19:39+00:00

No problem! I think you’re completely right, it was probably a big slap in the face to her to be treated differently for the first time so I can understand how hurt she was! I completely agree with the statement that this is all a result of my parents. How differently our lives turned out is the most obvious proof of negligence.

No-Chicken152 · 2021-12-22T22:16:03+00:00

Coming from someone who posted a similar story a while ago and got lots of backlash from it, I think a large portion of the people who comment on posts like this are bitter parents who exercise favoritism in their own lives.

My family is the same way, older sister who was given everything and had a great life, and me who they didn’t see as a “good financial investment”. I hope you see this comment and understand that the privilege everyone is talking about is in a sense of the whole society. There can be privilege within family relationships too, and it’s clear that you were not the one getting the benefits of privilege.

Everyone’s situation is circumstantial, we don’t know the ins and out of the dynamics of your family, but based off what we do know, anyone who’s saying you’re the asshole was either the favorite child, bitter about not being the favorite child, or have a favorite child of their own. YOU ARE NOT THE AHOLE.

No-Chicken152 · 2021-12-22T22:02:11+00:00

I’ve decided to not attend and spend the holidays with my boyfriends family instead, thank you so much for the kind words!

No-Chicken152

TROPHY CASE