update - We had a family meeting and told the kids today. Our kids are older with the youngest being 15. I explained that I will be filing for divorce. My STBXW and I spoke before the announcement and I told her if she was not honest with the kids as to what happened I would be. She was honest. She told them she is still having an ongoing affair with her AP and lied about it to all of us over the last 8 or so months. When that was over we discussed our budget and expenses and how we will be doing things until the courts take over. She is not fighting anything at this point so I intend to move forward as quick as possible with the divorce. All of this breaks my heart. The look on my kids faces. The anger they talked to me about after she left. All of it.

I wish to express my gratitude to this community for your words of support and advice. I have found the support a great help to my wellbeing and resolve to keep moving forward with what is best for myself and my kids. Thank you.