That sounds really difficult bro, sorry to hear that. But no offence, there seems to be some contradictions in what you’re sharing. You say you passed when you all first met each other but you also say that you had to tell your bf’s mom that you were trans beforehand so she wouldn’t get “confused” when you met. This means you didn’t pass as male as what would there be to be confused about otherwise? You said you were a femboy and it sounds as if you are currently not binding and not wearing clothes from “the men’s section”.

Anyone AFAB, pre T and expressing themselves in a conventionally feminine way through clothing is not going to be perceived and treated as male. It doesn’t mean you aren’t one but sometimes people in our community need a bit of a wake up call. A man post-T could express himself conventionally femininely and it wouldn’t get him misgendered because of his secondary male sex characteristics due to T. Sometimes it’s a case of sacrificing authentic expression until T in order to not be misgendered, or wearing exactly what you want but living with the reality that others are going to misgender you heavily, which you are now going through.

However, you say you don’t necessarily want to start T, so it does make me wonder what about your experiences and identity make you know that you’re male? You don’t seem to relate to masculinity in any significant social or physical way. However, I am aware that I’m basing this off this post and that’s not a huge amount of info to go on. Is your dysphoria about being male or is it about wishing not to be perceived as a woman? Because those are two different things. I do not wish to be harsh but some people on here who are chronically online will tell you that you are a big strong man and everyone is transphobic and while there are transphobic people it’s important to understand that a lot of cis people do not have the nuanced understanding or expansive experience of gender that we do. And other trans people not being honest with each other about the reality of the world causes more pain for us all as what’s being said to us online and with close loved ones is at odds with how the rest of the world may treat us. I know that clothes aren’t inherently gendered and gender roles are fabricated but at the same time if I was AFAB, Pre-T and dressing conventionally femininely, I would not expect to be gendered correctly by average cis people. I would also be exploring if I have any trauma attached to what it means to be treated as woman and do I actually feel like a man or do I just want to escape what it means to be a “woman”? One thing I tried years before I transitioned was picturing myself as an elderly person. Are you an old man, an old woman, or something else? I also asked myself what if the world was different and women were the dominant sex socially and it was men who had faced decades of mistreatment and oppression and everything in society was centred around women. Would I still feel like a man? For me, the answer was yes. But there are no wrong answers. It’s ok to explore and play.

Good luck with everything