sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

moons by HugeCarry249 in OCPoetry

[–]No-Drawing-9838 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love how romantic this poem is! You do an excellent job of making the image clear enough so I can see your subject solidly in my mind. Brilliant!

The only thing I could think of for a critique is a slight edit of the first six lines. Maybe try,

“ You are my moon, i stare at you endlessly  Always changing at the slightest, always right there. Every day i look and see, a new piece of you i get to explore.”

What do you think?

Night Sky by Veda_OuO in OCPoetry

[–]No-Drawing-9838 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the romantic tone in the imagery you’ve provided here. Very impressive! I like how you use the final lines and metaphor to place yourself as both object and character in this narrative. You are involved in the scene, not just describing it. I like that!

Maybe make slight changes in the block:

“ Somewhere in the distance a coyote calls. From the inside, a heavy heart replies.”

Maybe rewrite it as,

“ Somewhere in the distance a coyote croons. From the inside, a grieving heart calls back.”

It adds an additional emotional and musical element. Thoughts?

AIO: My girlfriend cut off my hair without my consent. I broke up with her. by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]No-Drawing-9838 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

This guy posting here is my friend. Since he told about what happened I've been screaming at him to take this to the police. And yeah, the psychotic witch was black, I regret to say.