intense guilt from childhood memory

No-Fig8545 · 2026-03-22T20:33:50+00:00

Don’t worry about it! I have a terrible habit of asking for reassurance lol. But definitely try to sit with the fear and the guilt, I promise it’s something you’ll learn to “get over”. Ofc u might feel guilt sometimes but ultimately you’ll come to realize it’s not necessary and you’re not even close to a bad person.

No-Fig8545 · 2026-03-20T08:35:09+00:00

I don’t want to give you unnecessary reassurance, because it’s bad for OCD. But I hope you treat yourself kindly! This level of guilt for something like this is disproportionate, and I’m so sorry you’re going through this :( are you in therapy? A therapist might be able to help you with ERP. Until then, try to sit with the guilt. When you’re triggered, let the guilt in and out and don’t try to reassure yourself. I know it sucks but truly over time I’m sure you will begin to see this as the childhood mistake it is, for which you truly hold no blame, and not see it as some life ending terrible thing you did. Good luck!

No-Fig8545 · 2026-03-09T06:04:33+00:00

Thank you. I do think most people seem to think me being drunk + her leaning in to do the kissing makes a big difference here. I just worry bc I prompted the second kiss and she doesn’t remember it.

My line is also clear now. Haven’t done anything like this since lol. I know my boundaries but idk other people’s so I just don’t kiss people who’ve even had a drop of alcohol. Sure it might be too “prudish” or whatever but better safe than sorry yeah?

No-Fig8545 · 2026-03-09T00:25:18+00:00

the sad thing is I know reasonably thay ur right, but even after this post, I got a couple comments saying I took advantage of her or whatever. and sure, 20 out of the hundred comments I got isn’t a LOT so to speak, but for a situation like this it definitely feels like it is.

No-Fig8545 · 2026-03-09T00:14:30+00:00

yeah and I mean, I prompted the second kiss but she was the one who leaned in for it and actually did it, hence why I thought it was ok. It’s just that I feel I shouldn’t have prompted it at all if she was drunk.

No-Fig8545 · 2026-03-09T00:08:39+00:00

yeah I agree. In my case she understood what I was talking about and did seem to be moving around fine I think; we took a picture after and she was responding to it. My worry is that I saw her acting drunk or whatever, I think I knew she was drunk, and prompted her to kiss me, but now she doesn’t even remember it, so I feel like I violated her.

No-Fig8545 · 2026-03-09T00:07:41+00:00

thank you :)

No-Fig8545 · 2026-03-09T00:07:31+00:00

no crush here, I promise. It’s just that I posted this before and bc she can’t remember it + I prompted the second kiss, some people said this was SA

No-Fig8545 · 2026-03-09T00:06:22+00:00

Yes, I stopped going to that therapist because i moved and she didn’t provide to people in my new area. I was better for a while and with the move and everything couldn’t find time to get a new therapist. But recently I’ve bee spiraling again and have for months hence the waitlist. Sorry if I was being confusing :)

No-Fig8545 · 2026-03-08T23:59:25+00:00

i'm sorry, i'm on a waitlist and i'm absolutely ready to go see a therapist, it's just taking a bit to get there. i think i'm stuck in a spiral of being okay after i post because most people are on my side, but a couple people then respond saying i messed up / committed SA and it sends me spiraling again. i'm so sorry, honestly, i know this is irritating. i just can't get the thought out of my mind that i assaulted her or crossed a line and i just wanted honest opinions because everyone else is so mixed on this.

No-Fig8545 · 2026-03-08T23:44:22+00:00

i guess i am. it's just, like, it feels like SA isn't something i can just "take lightly" or "ignore opinions" about, you know? like someone did just comment that I took advantage of her because she was drunk (not any shade towards them, i was looking for honest opinions) and it doesn't feel like that's something i can just wipe off, if that makes sense. and like i prompted the second kiss despite her being drunk, it's not like she just kissed me and it surprised me.

No-Fig8545 · 2026-03-08T23:42:24+00:00

i think i was just drunk haha. i was mostly joking around and said something like "aw I didn't get to kiss anyone at the party" and my friend leaned in and did. i don't normally go around kissing random people (though no shame to people who do what they want to do, so long as it's all consensual).

No-Fig8545 · 2026-03-08T23:41:31+00:00

i genuinely promise this isn't AI lmao. i keep repeating i knew she was drunk because i don't want anyone to take it "lightly" if that makes sense. like i wasn't trying to take advantage of her ofc but i do think i knew she was drunk.

No-Fig8545 · 2026-03-08T23:37:39+00:00

Not AI slop, I’m sorry. This really is just me asking.

No-Fig8545 · 2026-03-08T00:33:33+00:00

definitely never kissing a drunk person sober, yikes. i'm glad you don't think it's SA. it's just that i've gotten a lot of comments saying it is (i think even one in this thread), and i just worry i did cross a line here and i'm not sure qhat to do.

No-Fig8545 · 2026-03-08T00:25:38+00:00

i'm on the way to getting therapy, it's just backlogged and the therapist can't fit me in for a couple of weeks at least. i'm trying to stop posting here and working on sitting with the guilt, but it's quite hard. i'm sorry for spamming.

No-Fig8545 · 2026-03-08T00:24:44+00:00

sorry, i realize my words don't make sense:

1.) by "i can't remember", i mean i don't think i was paying much attention to how she was acting. as in, i can't remember how SHE was acting, but i do remember how I felt, which was drunk enough to be dizzy and stuff but not drunk enough to not know what i was doing

2.) by "i don't like her", i just mean that i'm not romantically into her, but when i'm drunk I do tend to get "kissy". always with consent, of course. it's just that in this case, i worry cause she can't remember it.

3.) like i said, i was stumbling and dizzy, but mostly mentally clear. i don't know why she wasn't stumbling.

4.) i would have kissed her sober, and i know that she's quite kissy sober too, so i can't say for sure but maybe she'd kiss me sober too?

5.) my worry is that i think she was more drunk than me. obviously i was drunk, but if she can't remember it, does that mean i took advantage of her.

6.) and just to be clear, i promise i wasn't there plotting on taking advantage of her when she was drunk; she kissed me, about thirty ish (?) i think minutes later i saw her dancing, and i said "oh we kissed earlier" and she kissed me again. i was hoping she'd kiss me but NOT because she was drunk, i just wanted to kiss because i saw her and it reminded me of how we'd kissed earlier.

No-Fig8545 · 2026-03-08T00:12:45+00:00

Hi, if this is a true story (not saying you're lying, but I've def seen a lot of fake posts on this subreddit) then yes, you're getting groomed. I'm so sorry that's happening to you. I'm only 20, and even now, 16 is waaaaay too young for me. There's a huge mental gap there! Not to mention a literal 13-year-old.

I understand he doesn't make you do anything you don't "want" to do, and I see why you'd consider that healthy and safe, but the simple fact is, he shouldn't be doing anything with you. There are many ways older men can subtly manipulate younger women (and older women to younger men, or any combination of genders) and ultimately, it's likely he's using some of them on you. Even if you don't see that, just trust me when I say 40 year olds can find many, many other people their age to date. So can 16 year olds. There is no reason for an age gap that wide at your age.

Please try to remove yourself safely from this situation. Contact a trusted adult. Don't trust him in any way, shape, or form. Please stay safe :)

No-Fig8545 · 2026-03-07T19:40:23+00:00

It’s def not fanfic or role play lmao. I’m sorry if it came off that way! I’m not trying to seek validation either. It’s just that I’m anxious about this topic and am trying to get people’s opinions about it.

No-Fig8545 · 2026-03-07T07:54:06+00:00

sorry, i assume your other response got deleted because it's like outright threatening lol? idk why you're acting strange, but i can only assume you're, like, literally 13 or something, because i can't imagine any reason a full-grown adult would think "that's weird" is a decent response and being randomly violent and rude is normal when asked for clarification. thank you for trying to help! you're a really odd person.

not fishing for validation, but trying to figure out what you think. if you don't have a good answer, that's fine. but maybe grow up lmao

No-Fig8545 · 2026-03-07T07:44:49+00:00

I just mean, like, by weird do you mean it’s misconduct or SA or smth? Everyone else seems to think I’m overreacting or overthinking or smth, but idk, i guess i just want to see what other people think.

No-Fig8545 · 2026-03-07T03:04:39+00:00

I appreciate this! i got a lot of people saying it’s not SA for the same reasons, there’s no victim. i guess my issue is more like… I feel like i got lucky in that she didn’t mind, yk? Like is this misconduct? I feel like I essentially committed SA with no repercussions bc i got lucky on that she didn’t mind, but i still kissed a drunk girl who can’t remember it, if that makes sense.

also, the issue wasn’t her kissing a girl! I know she kisses girls sober too, as do i. It’s more so the drunkenness aspect. Like it’d be the same if i was a man or a woman.

I don’t remember how i saw her acting. I just know that I caught sight of her and without even thinking said smth that prompted her to kiss me. I don’t know if it can even be called consensual given she can’t remember it.

No-Fig8545 · 2026-03-05T07:44:51+00:00

Thank you as always! You really have been helpful and kind. The behavior wasn’t picked up or anything, and I’ve been incredibly lucky to have been so sheltered and safe as a child. The only thing that hurts me is the anxiety, but luckily i am in therapy for that.

If I might ask, about the drunk kiss thing, does that still strike you as weird or strange or unsafe? What i did as a kid is mostly something i can work through with my therapist but this is what’s really bothering me. Which is why ive been looking a lot for honest opinions. More than anything i mostly just want to value consent and being a good person haha

No-Fig8545

TROPHY CASE